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Thread: Fi - How Do You Deal With Emotional Invasions?

  1. #31
    Anew Leaf


    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    I have that problem with family the most, because severing ties is a very extreme option with them (I imagine marriage is the same). It took me years to get them to stop invalidating my feelings because they couldn't even fathom why anyone would feel as I do about certain things. In the process, I became a lot more articulate about my feelings. It's still a hurdle though.

    One thing I do is call them out on the invalidation itself. I remind them I am ME, not "everyone else", and that I already made a request that they agreed to & that they've violated it yet again. Sometimes I have to do this over & over & over. It's frustrating, but I've made headway over time. I also get them to accept stuff they cannot understand; I'll tell them they don't have to get it, but they do need to respect it.

    I admit I withhold from family when they repeatedly cross a boundary (ie. I won't tell my mom much about my life). I don't know if this is healthy (probably not), but it's like a "time out" for a naughty kid. I don't know how else to bang it into their heads that they've done wrong. It's like, there HAS to be consequences for some people.
    I like the distinction you make here with pointing out the invalidation. It's probably something I need to do myself.

    Initially having to vocalize what I am thinking/feeling is such a huge hurdle to overcome. And then to have to further explain myself because the person doesn't get it.... ugh. So frustrating.

    This occurs primarily when I have to deal with my INTP dad who is like the most emotionally clueless person I have ever met. Not understanding emotions coupled with Ti's insatiable need to over understand everything... leaves me wanting to jump off of a bridge and fake my own death.

    *looks up: "How much blood can someone lose and not die but look like they must have died to forensic scientists.*

  2. #32
    Senior Member Array BAJ's Avatar
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    Jun 2008


    I'm sort of making walls where basically everyone is blocked...which I'm not suggesting is the best life strategy for anyone. Besides, it's probably more to protect them from me.

  3. #33


    From the outsider's perspective, they seem to detach for a bit but after they have had enough, they will explode and assert their ground or make snarky comments with an attitude. I have been around a lot of Fi users and that's what it looks like to me and it's usually seems quite warranted!

  4. #34
    Administrator Array highlander's Avatar
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    Dec 2009
    6w5 sx/sp
    ILI Ni


    I can't think of a time when anyone has been "emotionally invasive" with me and it's somehow bothered me. If someone asks me something about something I don't want to talk about, I would just steer the conversation in a different direction. Brush it off. No big deal. I'm likely the one doing the invading. This is an interesting thread because I just did this big time to someone. That description - "emotionally invasive" is the perfect way to describe it. It was a very rare and unusual thing - never done anything like that before in my life and I had good reasons in this particular situation for doing it. They retreated and have stayed retreated which does not surprise me in the least given what I know of this person. I somewhat expected it in fact. I did speak my mind though - not in a negative way at all - but definitely invasive.

    In general, a slight bit of it is good - push the boundaries a little and you get to know people better - get closer to them. All this bottling up of emotions - I don't think it's good - at least with people you know well or are getting to know well.

    Maybe I'm not a typical INTJ though.

    Please provide feedback on my Nohari and Johari Window by clicking here: Nohari/Johari

    Tri-type 639

  5. #35
    Paragon Gone Wrong Array OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Mar 2009
    4w5 sp/sx
    IEI Ni


    Quote Originally Posted by Saturned View Post
    It's like being given a gift when Ne starts developing. It became a great tool for dealing with other people: making them laugh so they wouldn't have a chance to laugh at me. I don't do this anymore but for awhile I had a trick of doing something silly/weird on purpose so that someone I just met would laugh at that... and hopefully deflect away from laughing at me directly.
    The other "gift" Ne provides is better articulation of feelings, not just social charm.

    IMO, Ne aids in using metaphor, illustrations & analogies to explain foreign feelings to people. It helps you to see connections between your oh so individual unique feelings & those of others, even if these connections are vague at best; and in doing so it allows you to explain your feelings with these comparisons, so that others can get some sense of where you are coming from.

    I read somewhere that INFPs may have a gift for putting difficult concepts in easy to grasp layman's terms; I wouldn't be surprised if this is born out of the struggle to explain our own feelings.

    I find explaining my feelings something like defending a court case. If one argument does not work, then you appeal & try a new argument. That's why I said I often have to explain over & over & over what I feel & why I feel it in order to get others to accept it as valid & to accommodate my needs. Every time I try, I approach it from a different angle, using a different metaphor, different phrasing, just different. At some point, usually, one of these perspectives will be clear to people. And yes, this is exhausting.
    "Charlotte sometimes dreams a wall around herself. But it's always with love - So much love it looks like everything else. Charlotte Sometimes - So far away, glass sealed and pretty." - The Cure

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx - 451| RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive

  6. #36
    Uniqueorn Array William K's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2009


    I think I'll probably become like a nuclear sub. First, I'll try to dive deep and escape. If the other party tries to pursue, I'll go into silent mode and just give cursory responses hoping they'll give up. If that still doesn't work, I have my torpedoes and nuclear warheads and the outcome won't be pretty...
    4w5, Fi>Ne>Ti>Si>Ni>Fe>Te>Se, sp > so > sx

    appreciates being appreciated, conflicted over conflicts, afraid of being afraid, bad at being bad, predictably unpredictable, consistently inconsistent, remarkably unremarkable...

    I may not agree with what you are feeling, but I will defend to death your right to have a good cry over it

    The whole problem with the world is that fools & fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts. ~ Bertrand Russell

  7. #37
    RETIRED Array CzeCze's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007


    Quote Originally Posted by Saturned View Post
    I am just curious as to how other Fi users deal with people being emotionally invasive with them.

    Do you speak up and tell the person that they are crossing a line?
    Do you withdraw and create some distance?
    Do you roll with it and let it happen?

    Emotionally Invasive: I view this as when people don't respect my emotional boundaries with them. When they expect things from me that primarily benefit them and occasionally hurt me in the process.
    I usually have a good guard and social tools armed and ready.

    So when people catch me totally off guard I'm like a deer in headlights.

    Fi by itself is completely and utterly unsavvy. Bah.
    “If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.” ― Oscar Wilde

    "I'm outtie 5000" ― Romulux


  8. #38
    Senior Member Array uncommonentity's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2011


    I tell them to fuck off and if they don't heed that call I cut them out of my life.
    Veni, Vidi, Cessi.

  9. #39
    So tired... Array Amargith's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    4dw sx/so
    IEx None


    I find that 'emotionally invasive' has two sides to it. It's one thing when they invade with the gracefulness of a bull in a china shop due to their own frustrations or due to being oblivious. It's quite another when they do it with gentle care and because they see you're stuck within yourself and need a help getting out of the mess you're in. It's still invasive..but it's the difference between a butcher and a surgeon imho.

  10. #40


    My response will be either curt, sarcastic or a lie.

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