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  1. #41
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tiltyred View Post
    I paid for my own wedding, too. Which meant I had about 20 guests, it was a morning wedding, and there was cake and punch after. I don't really understand wedding hoopla -- it seems like a bad custom in some ways, so much stress, so much expenditure. But people are horrified when I suggest eloping, or getting married by a JP and going out to dinner after, so ...

    If it's a traditional wedding, I guess your mother wants it to be traditional. Maybe you could get away from that if you frame it as a Do Your Own Thing wedding. Traditional with twists might be confusing her.
    nice...yeah...just offer a champagne punch or something and when it runs out it runs out. people need to chill.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  2. #42
    Aquaria mrcockburn's Avatar
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    Tell your mom that unless she wants to pay for the open bar, she can go take a long walk off a short pier.
    3w4-9w1-?w6 (nearly headless nick)
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  3. #43
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    Quote Originally Posted by 2XtremeENFP View Post
    I can't take it anymore. I can't win. Ever. I can't defend anyone else's point of views if it is different than the Fe-user's POV. This is ridiculous and it is rude on their part to pass judgement on EVERYONE ELSE and their opinions.

    One person does an act of kindness
    "WELL, IF THEY WANTED TO DO A NICE GUESTURE, THEY SHOULD HAVE DOES TTTHHHISSSS INSTEAD OF THAT. THAT IS JUST CHEAP AND DEMEANING"

    Honestly, what is going on in their heads? Do they think that they are better and more classy than everyone? Do they have this competitiveness going on and they just want to beat out everyone? What is it??

    I'm planning an wedding (I'm an ENFP marrying and ISTJ) and my future in laws are ISxJ and ISTJ.

    The ISTJs are very conservative and if they do anything that reflects their Christian-conservative outlook, my ESFJ mother calls it rude/unclassy/cheap.

    Example: They don't drink alcohol so they'd prefer there to be a cash bar to help monitor that amount of drunk people / why would they pay hundreds of dollars for an open bar that a majority of their guests won't touch?

    It makes sense to me, but explaining a different outlook to my ESFJ mom is ridiculous. How can I make her understand that not everyone is like her. Not everyone drinks or celebrates the same way she does.

    ** And there is more frustrations when I try and voice my opinion about anything that has to do with my ideas for my own wedding... she doesn't agree with anything I say, anything that is different than what she's seen 30 years ago is viewed as TACKY.

    I could go on and on. I am sorry if I am being rude but I am at my wit's end with her Fe. I need to understand it. Someone help me find a way to talk to her and get her to see someone else's point of view
    Awww, poor baby, did she ruin your sweet 16 party too?

    [YOUTUBE="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=90HhZ-pyC2Y"]\/[/YOUTUBE]

  4. #44
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    It's the grooms family and not the bride's mother who would be responsible for bar, though! I can't really see how that video has anything to do with the tone of the OP.

    She's not complaining about the tyranny of her mum forcing stuff she doesn't want on her, but rather is embarrassed that her mother is telling everyone who will listen how cheap the groom's family is because they don't want an open bar. It appears to me that her concern is treating her future inlaws respectfully, particular when the whole open bar issue is not centred around money, but about differing views on alcohol.

  5. #45
    Senior Member ICUP's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    i like to think of myself as a pretty considerate person but i'm beginning to think i define it much differently than a fe user would. i think it's rude to expect people to walk on eggshells around you and take responsibility for your emotions. they think it's rude not to...or something....it bugs me.
    Oh, I can hurt my S.O.'s feelings, and in so many words, he asks me to stop. And he's an entj 8w9 lol...... He tells me I am "mean" and that I hurt his feelings all the time. He doesn't point out exactly when, but at that time, he will tell me I am being "mean". I can tell sometimes that I have hurt his feelings. I think regardless of Fe or Fi, people have their limits, and they get their feelings hurt.
    I think as an Fe user, I feel like I go out of my way sometimes not to offend, so when others don't do it, I think it's rude. That doesn't mean that I think they should stop however, because I cross lines too. It might pee me off a wee little bit, so I do it back to them. If I don't do it back to them, I feel as if I've given away too much, so I make sure I do. It's like, "If you can play this game, so can I", because I know that probably what I've said or done DOES affect them in some way. It seems to work over time to help an Fi see what they are doing to others, because they begin to see that feelings really are in-part, the other's responsibility, as well as their own. I'm sure no Fi-user could want anyone they love to tell them what a fatass they are, for instance, lol......and yes, it would more-than-likely, hurt their feelings to do so. Feelings are shared responsibilities, regardless.

    ----------------------------

    As far as the mother described in this thread, I don't see her as simply an Fe-user. She is controlling.... extremely. And anyone who would put up with this, has issues of their own, imho. It's like this woman is buying her daughter's life, choosing everything her wedding is, and manipulating the situation, or at least, trying her damnedest to. I don't know how far she is getting, but it looks like pretty far. The daughter seems to be a manipulated pawn. The mother, while she may be well-meaning, seems to want this wedding to be a vision that's in her head, and not what the daughter wants at all.

    I think this whole wedding situation is much less an Fe thing than just a dysfunctional thing. I wouldn't so easily blame this mess on Fe lol...... or attribute their behaviors to their use of Fe. While some F's annoy me as well, it's not because of their use of Fe. It's the way they are choosing to use it. Same with Fi users.....
    Last edited by ICUP; 09-11-2011 at 01:59 PM.
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  6. #46
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    It's the grooms family and not the bride's mother who would be responsible for bar, though! I can't really see how that video has anything to do with the tone of the OP.

    She's not complaining about the tyranny of her mum forcing stuff she doesn't want on her, but rather is embarrassed that her mother is telling everyone who will listen how cheap the groom's family is because they don't want an open bar. It appears to me that her concern is treating her future inlaws respectfully, particular when the whole open bar issue is not centred around money, but about differing views on alcohol.
    Would you say that my nonsensical post was me being rude?

  7. #47
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    You should derange her definition of "rude" by showing her 2 girls one cup and Mr. Hands.

  8. #48
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ginkgo View Post
    You should derange her definition of "rude" by showing her 2 girls one cup and Mr. Hands.
    [YOUTUBE="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U70oaQR6tKE"][/YOUTUBE]

  9. #49
    Senior Member ICUP's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ginkgo View Post
    You should derange her definition of "rude" by showing her 2 girls one cup and Mr. Hands.
    ISTP 6w5 sx/sp
    6-8-4/6-9-4 Tritype

  10. #50
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    Quote Originally Posted by Juice View Post
    Awww, poor baby, did she ruin your sweet 16 party too?

    [YOUTUBE="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=90HhZ-pyC2Y"]\/[/YOUTUBE]
    If you'll excuse me, I'll be over in the corner beating the living fuck out of Audrey.

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