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  1. #21

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    Maybe I'm missing something, but if the majority of people aren't drinking then won't an open bar not cost them a whole lot/there won't be many drunk people to monitor?

  2. #22
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    If they are not drinkers due to a value/principle rather than merely their own personal habits, they are not going to feel that good about personally funding any alcohol. They are probably already making a big concession to have a bar (in an attempt to respect the other side of the family). I don't think the issue is being cheap or afraid of people overdrinking, so much as not considering alcohol in the same category as just serving a kind of food or beverage that they personally don't care for.

  3. #23
    Senior Member Mal12345's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tiltyred View Post
    I think the general idea is that wedding guests are ... guests. You don't asks guests to pay for what you serve them.

    But just because you don't have a lot of money doesn't mean you can't have guests, so instead of expensive food, you have chili and cornbread, or a pizza party.

    Would it be too radical just not to offer alcohol? If you had a morning wedding, would people expect it? (I'm not that up on wedding etiquette.)
    And they don't need a liquor license to charge for the drinks?
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  4. #24
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    I can see my ISTJ throwing a fit over something like this, actually. The more I think about this, the more I can see him getting mad at people for being selfish and ungenerous at a wedding, he's very bothered by people not being "classy," and the whole religious motive for controlling the alcohol would make him mad (actually, it would bother me too, I'd probably express some irritation at that myself).

    But point being this isn't your mother's wedding, it's yours, and your mother is having a clash of values with your fiance's parents values, and I think the way she's expressing it is typical ESFJ, yeah.

    Sorry...it takes me a while to process things. The more I think, the more I come up with, the more angles I see. I wonder if I respond initially with my Fi values and Se response, then Ni kicks in later and I see all these different perspectives as my mind slowly cranks lol.

  5. #25
    Glycerine
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    Here's a thought... "rude" can be an euphemism for a slight to someone's sensibilities/values. It has nothing to do w/ type. You and your mother do not see eye to eye. Confronting and making an issue of it, will make your life a LIVING HELL more than right now especially since it's a high stress time. Just take her with a grain of salt or try to make her understand you by acknowledging her POV... just try to see things from her point of view no matter how crazy you think it is and then try to explain your side. If that doesn't work, just don't bother. I have learned if you understand where the other person's coming from, they will be receptive other points of view unless they are fanatical. If that's the case, ignoring is the optimal option.

  6. #26
    Blind Guardian Haven's Avatar
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    yes, you seem like a very rude person. I can see why your mother doesn't like you and wont pay for your alcohol.
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  7. #27
    Senior Member 2XtremeENFP's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    If they are not drinkers due to a value/principle rather than merely their own personal habits, they are not going to feel that good about personally funding any alcohol. They are probably already making a big concession to have a bar (in an attempt to respect the other side of the family). I don't think the issue is being cheap or afraid of people overdrinking, so much as not considering alcohol in the same category as just serving a kind of food or beverage that they personally don't care for.
    You are exactly right!

  8. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by Haven View Post
    yes, you seem like a very rude person. I can see why your mother doesn't like you and wont pay for your alcohol.
    LMAO!!

    Sorry. That was pretty funny.

  9. #29
    Senior Member 2XtremeENFP's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Haven View Post
    yes, you seem like a very rude person. I can see why your mother doesn't like you and wont pay for your alcohol.
    Lol. Read. It's not about my mom not paying for alcohol

  10. #30
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    Lol! Quite the opposite, in fact.

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