User Tag List

First 1234 Last

Results 11 to 20 of 86

  1. #11
    Senior Member uncommonentity's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Posts
    441

    Default

    Sounds to me like you've got an issue with your mother not ESFJs.
    Veni, Vidi, Cessi.

  2. #12
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    MBTI
    Enfp
    Enneagram
    497 sx/so
    Socionics
    IEE Fi
    Posts
    14,658

    Default

    Any way you can spin this as a 'merging of two great families traditions'? That you'd like to honor both her as well as their traditions and symbolize the coming together of those families? Also, everytime she complains, i'd gently remind her that she already had her perfect wedding so many years ago and although you understand she's trying to help and you appreciate her insights, you're to decide how you want yours to be? And how you're sure that she wouldn't want to take that away from you? (counter-guilttripping ). Say this in a genuine way (without sniping or being aggrevated), and keep repeating it till the penny drops...even if it's *everytime* she complains about something. She'll catch on. Then smooch her, ENFP-style, to make it clear to her that you're happy to have her on board and supporting you every step of the way

    As for her telling others about this stuff she cannot fathom, go ENFP on her there too, and make a gigantic, over the top silly scene about it, so big she's mortified for telling it to others, ,meanwhile breaking the ice with the people caught in the middle and giving them a reason to laugh their way out of it.

    I say fight Fe with a drop of counterFe, a touch of Fi and a gigantic dose of Ne

    When all is said and done, keep in mind that most mothers just want their little girls to be happy. Show her you are happy with how you're planning things. Even (and especially) the things she's unsure about. Tell her it'll be alright..nay, it'll be grand, just wait and see!
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





    "Harm none, do as ye will”

  3. #13
    Ginkgo
    Guest

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by 2XtremeENFP View Post

    I could go on and on. I am sorry if I am being rude but I am at my wit's end with her Fe. I need to understand it. Someone help me find a way to talk to her and get her to see someone else's point of view
    Don't bother. It doesn't seem like you entirely see her point of view either, seeing as you're not judging them like she is. It would definitely reduce your amount of frustration if you acknowledge her opinion as her own, see that there is a clear distinction between you and her, and move on with more important matters (like your wedding).

  4. #14
    Ginkgo
    Guest

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by uncommonentity View Post
    Sounds to me like you've got an issue with your mother not ESFJs.
    Yes.

  5. #15

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by uncommonentity View Post
    Sounds to me like you've got an issue with your mother not ESFJs.
    +1

    Also, Si-flavored Fe vs. Ni-flavored Fe are different animals. My ESFJ (tested/self-identified) mother can make me batshit too.
    "The purpose of life is to be defeated by greater and greater things." - Rainer Maria Rilke

  6. #16
    Permabanned
    Join Date
    May 2009
    MBTI
    ISFP
    Enneagram
    6w7 sx
    Socionics
    SEE Fi
    Posts
    25,301

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Vala Faye View Post
    As for her telling others about this stuff she cannot fathom, go ENFP on her there too, and make a gigantic, over the top silly scene about it, so big she's mortified for telling it to others, ,meanwhile breaking the ice with the people caught in the middle and giving them a reason to laugh their way out of it.
    I absolutely agree with this tactic and have used it myself.

  7. #17
    Permabanned
    Join Date
    May 2009
    MBTI
    ISFP
    Enneagram
    6w7 sx
    Socionics
    SEE Fi
    Posts
    25,301

    Default

    At the people who are saying this isn't an ESFJ thing, I'm going to respectfully disagree. This very much sounds like Fe + Si concerns "it is tacky to not do it in this lovely way that it should be done, which is what I've personally always felt comfortable with, and therefore want to enforce it on others." It's like my ESFJ ex saying that his name should go first on the Christmas present tags because he's the man, and this is just the way it is done in his mind, and he got quite bothered by it.

    On the other hand, I also agree with Gingko that you could try to look at it from her perspective and understand WHY she feels that way (she just wants you to have the nicest wedding she can possibly conceive in her mind, both for you AND for her own social reasons) blah blah blah.

  8. #18
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    MBTI
    Enfp
    Enneagram
    497 sx/so
    Socionics
    IEE Fi
    Posts
    14,658

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Marmie Dearest View Post
    I absolutely agree with this tactic and have used it myself.
    Fe-doms may rule at the being exceedingly charmingly appropriate, but when it comes to utterly charmingly inappropriate, I find that Ne has got them beat without even trying
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





    "Harm none, do as ye will”

  9. #19
    Permabanned
    Join Date
    May 2009
    MBTI
    ISFP
    Enneagram
    6w7 sx
    Socionics
    SEE Fi
    Posts
    25,301

    Default

    Oh I forgot to throw in here that she's probably thinking of all the guests at your wedding to have the best possible time she can imagine, as well as wanting you to have the image of a wonderful wedding that she has imprinted in her mind, as well as wanting to be seen as doing the socially correct thing.

    Her motives assuredly aren't all closed-minded and selfish, they're just Fe + Si.

  10. #20
    Senior Member Tiltyred's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    468 sx/sp
    Socionics
    EII None
    Posts
    4,383

    Default

    I think the general idea is that wedding guests are ... guests. You don't asks guests to pay for what you serve them.

    But just because you don't have a lot of money doesn't mean you can't have guests, so instead of expensive food, you have chili and cornbread, or a pizza party.

    Would it be too radical just not to offer alcohol? If you had a morning wedding, would people expect it? (I'm not that up on wedding etiquette.)

Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 56
    Last Post: 11-19-2013, 10:00 AM
  2. Child who thinks everything is funny.
    By Lily flower in forum Myers-Briggs and Jungian Cognitive Functions
    Replies: 17
    Last Post: 08-16-2011, 12:51 PM
  3. Everything is relative
    By milkyway2 in forum Philosophy and Spirituality
    Replies: 24
    Last Post: 01-08-2010, 02:52 AM
  4. Everything Is Science
    By therationaledge in forum Philosophy and Spirituality
    Replies: 17
    Last Post: 08-15-2009, 01:15 PM
  5. Everything is funnier at 3 a.m.
    By JonJT in forum The Bonfire
    Replies: 17
    Last Post: 08-10-2009, 04:41 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO