So...lately I've noticed how strongly Fi "shoulds" determine my interpersonal relationsips, especially romantic situations. I can't seem to integrate them with the bits and pieces of "reality" that enter my line of sight. I'm stuck between intellectually and experientially realising that for example there are certain distinct differences between men and women (say that I'm confronted with a couple of my male friends commenting on the looks of an attractive female (without taking into account who she *is* as a whole) which invokes the "men are visual creatures" idea) and having no way of truly accepting that because I have such a strong Fi reaction to it and I feel that it just "shouldn't" be that way. This is just one example, but I notice that I react particularly strongly to Fe(Si)-flavoured gender stereotypes (ah yes, they are often everything I believe I'm not), they seem crude, cynical, merely pragmatic and just not thought through much in the same way that I assume Ti can despise Te. And can get TPs to turn away from society altogether. And I get the impression that I focus on these "breaches" of my Fi a lot.
The problem is that I sense I'm missing something, I'm being too monolithical in my approach of these things, I'm not letting things breathe. Even with all that Fi swooshing around, I'm not actually being fair or honest or generous and nuanced in my approach of people here - not really giving the grey and messiness of "reality" a chance. How does one deal with reality when the irrational ideal weighs on you so heavily, with the feeling of disappointment, of not belonging in a world that seems interpresonally ruthless, of not getting and fitting (a certain subset of) the expectations of society? I don't get the impression I'm navigating this stuff productively or honestly (and I know in part because of the contrast with how my Te works in other areas. I see Ti users struggling in those areas and I know now how debilitating it can be, that sometimes it just feels like you "can't", you're blocked from the inside). Perhaps it's that even though I don't feel like I need to learn to accept these Fe/Si currents in society by default, I do feel like I need to at least be able to consider them in a more or less objective way. And whatever else is going on around me.
I thought you (other (Fi) users welcome too of course) might have some ideas or stories to share.