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  1. #1
    A Mystery Jacques Le Paul's Avatar
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    Default Quick question INFPs

    One day I met this INFP girl and well, I sort of accidently offended her. She refuses to talk to me now. I did apologize thorough as I realized I did as I am a gent to a degree.

    Any advice?
    Always forward, never back!

    "I always love talking to people and hearing their story. People always have a good life story to tell ya know?"



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  2. #2
    Senior Member BAJ's Avatar
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    What is your question?

  3. #3
    Member Inverness's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BAJ View Post
    What is your question?
    The 'any advice?' part?
    INFJ; 9w1 so/sp/sx; EII; RCOAI; Neutral Good

  4. #4
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    More details needed. How did you offend her, how did you apologize, how did she respond to the apology, etc? It's especially important that you know for sure what it is that offended her, or you may have been apologizing for something that's beside the point.

    I know don't get upset often with people to the point where I cut them off & won't accept an apology. I wouldn't say I'm easily offended either. However, if/when I do get upset, people often entirely miss the reason something actually upset me.

    I'm wondering if, even though you apologized, you still display traits that raise red flags in her mind & indicate you're not worth the trouble. However, in such a position, I may hold someone at arm's length, but I probably will not make it obvious that I prefer to avoid them by giving them the silent treatment or anything childish like that.

    Oh yeah....I'm guessing you want to re-establish communication? What's your motive for that?
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  5. #5
    Junior Member sqnh's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    Oh yeah....I'm guessing you want to re-establish communication? What's your motive for that?
    Ditto to that. We will write you off in a second if we deem you to be a non-friendly.

    I like INTPs, what I have trouble dealing with is the "T" aspect. I imagine if you are an "E" and a "T", you will have to work real hard at breaking down a barrier that's been erected (whether it was intentionally built or not).

    My suggestion is make yourself very clear as to what your intention in speaking with her is, and try to explain to her the intent behind whatever you said. If you try to understand her by saying something like, "I understand I said something that could have come across really hurtful/rude, but I want you to know it was the furthest thing from my intentions. I didn't express myself accurately and I'm sorry. I was hoping you might go out to lunch with me..." etc. Don't be offended if she asks for a raincheck; if her interest is piqued and she deems you genuine, she'll come around a few days later and ask if you want to go out. INFPs don't like to be "made" to like someone, we have to decide if we will on our own terms. She'll need some time to assess your authenticity. If you're not transparent with her or seem manipulative for your ends, you probably won't get a call back.

    Good luck!

  6. #6
    Senior Member JivinJeffJones's Avatar
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    I'm guessing she didn't consider your apology sincere and/or sufficient to the level of offence. Possibly she thought you were just humouring her, possibly she thought you didn't actually think you'd done anything wrong, possibly she felt like you thought she was overreacting. I'd need more information though.

  7. #7
    Senior Member BAJ's Avatar
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    Why not just leave her alone?

  8. #8
    Warflower Nijntje's Avatar
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    If you guys were good enough friends, she'll come back when she's cooled down and had some time off.

    One of my best friends is an INTP and one day we had a massive argument about me being offended at something he said and that apparently i SHOULDN'T be offended.

    I didn't speak to him for 6 months. In the end i realised that i missed the friendship and i was being unnecessarily stubborn, so we started talking again.

    Don't know if that helps. it was probably the silliest thing ive ever stopped talking to someone over, but he really pissed me off.

    Terrible things happen to good people every day.
    Consequentially, I am not one of the good people.
    I am one of the terrible things.
    .



    Conclusion: Dinosaurs


  9. #9
    A Mystery Jacques Le Paul's Avatar
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    My internet connection was on the fritz in the last few days, but to answer what I did. Well this also applies to an INFP and a IXFP

    The INFP,

    You see, I accidently said something that offended her, I of course apologized and stayed away from her for a couple days to give her time to cool down if she was angry. Still, I think she hates me to death.

    the IXFP

    I Stole her best friend from what she claims..... ... in 3 months, considering the fact we only talked 3 times, the third time today. I was surprised when I heard this.
    Always forward, never back!

    "I always love talking to people and hearing their story. People always have a good life story to tell ya know?"



    My blog in regular blogs

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jaqcues Le Paul View Post
    The INFP,

    You see, I accidently said something that offended her, I of course apologized and stayed away from her for a couple days to give her time to cool down if she was angry. Still, I think she hates me to death.
    I would make an attempt to re-establish normal friendly contact. If she's still mad at you, she'll be cold and it will be very clear to you. In that case, back off completely. But she might just not be sure how to re-establish contact - after awkward situations (usually when I'm afraid I've offended someone else) I tend to avoid the situation entirely. So, I think it's worth giving it a try.

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