I posted in the "inner demons" thread and got thinking about it.
Why is it so hard for me to forgive people who have seriously hurt my feelings? Why do I subsequently want them to get their comeuppance, and resent it if things go well for them?
It's a serious problem for me - it's eaten away at me on more than one occasion in my life. And the thing is, if things do ultimately go badly for them, I start to feel bad about my unpleasant thoughts. Almost like I ill-wished them, though that's not really it.
I think it has something to do with an offended sense of justice; it just seems like the universe is out of whack when people are selfish, I get hurt, and then things go well for them.
It would be better if I could let go a bit more, because for one thing, I really do believe in "you reap what you sow." (Also known as "what goes around comes around", "karma", etc). So if someone really has not behaved well - even if it has a bad effect on me - there will be consequences for them ultimately.
Frankly I am pretty sure that in part, it is also me projecting, or something like that. I mean - I am not just angry with them, but I am angry with myself. For trusting too much, for idealizing too much, for over-investing in people without really seeing their true nature...etc.
I try to tell myself all this, but it's still a problem.