There have been "respect" threads before, but I thought I'd start another. Of course any input is welcome from anyone, but I'm especially interested in the perspective of ENFJs and other INFJs.
How do you define respect?
How does someone gain your respect?
How do they lose it?
If they've lost it, can they ever hope to get it back? How?
"Respect" is a rather nebulous term that gets tossed around a lot. I think that for me it has to do with a person's integrity and unselfishness; it's unlikely that I will find a lot to respect if those aren't present. If someone tries to do their best, admits it when they makes mistakes and tries to fix them, that will help them to earn my respect. It is VERY important that they take responsibility and not try to pass the buck onto other people and situations for the problems that they have. While acknowledging that outside factors and people can cause a lot of problems, and that some people have had a rougher deal in life than others, you are unlikely to have my respect if you constantly shift blame to others, act like a victim, make yourself sound constantly hard done by and don't show gratitude for the good people and things in your life. You will lose my respect as well if you consistently act inconsistently - saying one thing and doing another. Lack of self-knowledge (or at least an attempt at it) is also likely to make you lose my respect.
By these standards, I have to admit that there are probably not a great many people who I really, really respect. Some, for sure. Not a lot.
I also have the problem that I tend to think I respect someone when it may actually be the case that they have abilities I admire (and perhaps lack myself), or I'm attracted to them in some way. These don't guarantee worthiness of respect - what it really means is that I WANT to respect them - but I may end up giving it to them prematurely if that's the case. This has resulted in me getting seriously hurt on occasion. And my loss of respect is then extreme and probably accompanied by dislike of the person. Somewhat my bad.
If you really lose my respect, you are unlikely to ever get it back. This does make me think that possibly I need to be more forgiving, and that I would need to be very careful about embarking on a serious relationship because I could end up married to someone who I then lost my respect for, or something...and that would be horrible. Not sure about the forgiveness aspect though. I think there have been times when it was the right thing to forgive someone and ultimately I was able to do it, but they didn't really get my respect back.
I am pretty sure that xNFJs value the concept of respect a great deal and usually take it under consideration in their human relationships. I don't think most INFJs or ENFJs are likely to spend a lot of time with someone they don't respect just because that person is entertaining or whatever...