I just joined this great forum, and this is my first post. And wow it's a long one.
English is not my first language, but I hope you get what I mean anyway
I'm 27 years, and with family I mean mom/dad that are 58 years, and a 22 year old brother. I don't live there, but I'm pretty often at their house, so these things still bother me every week.
Reading about being an INFJ made me think; from an INFJ perspective, do I have the family from hell? (a little sarcasm here).
My family have always been ok growing up, good food, nice parents that never did anything bad, no alcohol/drugs, nice vaccations. They always helped me, and got me things I'm interested in. And they made me get a good confidence in myself.
But now to the things that maybe could be called "hell for an INFJ". I guess it has always been like this, but I started noticing it a few years ago, before that I guess it only made me frustrated without me knowing what the reason was.
The house is nice, with a very nice big garden the parents made. But all over the house there are "things"/papers, bags, tools, unfinished renovation, everywhere. But things that are important for functionallity can be broken for years, while dad is out in the yard digging a freakin hole for some golfswing practice spot. And mom doesn't mind very much.
My dad is very nice and respecful in many ways, but also very "into himself" like a child that HAS to play with his things all the time, build stuff, working with the cars, working on his golfswing, otherwise he gets cranky like a 5 year old.
If he has to do anything else than "his things", he see it like it takes away important time from his things.
It's almost impossible to make him stand still and listen for 1 minute if another person want to talk about something. But when it comes to his things; he can talk about it for 15 minutes straight, going deep into details, not thinking about if it's interesting to the other person or not.
He also is very unaware of the surrounding enviorment, and how the people around him feel and what mood they're in at the moment. It's like "how he feel, is how other people must feel".
When someone talks about feelings, mood, or something like that, he gets confused, bored, and misunderstand it all right away.
When we have had a discussion or an argument big or small, I want to talk about it and finish it, clearing things out. But when I try to do that he walks away saying "Cooome on, stooop talking about it, let it go, why do you have to nag about it, oooohhh...".
He sometimes also thinks very strongly about morals and respect when it comes to how people treat him and his things/what he have done, but when it's the otherway around and I demand the same from him; he have no understading why, and thinks I'm silly. He also often change these moral values depending on his mood, and what he's into at the moment I guess.
Rest of the family isn't demanding much from him, but just letting him do everything he wants to do all the time. It's good healthy things, like working on the yard and so on, but it's always what he wants.
Mom is caring, but not very inteligent, and don't make many things happen, she mostly depends on dad with the other things. She does the laundry, food, garden, very basic, and feels that's enough. When someone comes with some constructive critisism she often takes it the wrong way, and never get excited or thankful for the help. But not getting mad, she just "are there".
When it comes to discussions and arguing, she rather "sweep things under the rug" instead of talking about it and clearing things out. She mostly says "Well well, lets forget about it, it doesn't get better if we nag about it, I don't know what to say". It doesn't matter if it's about a serious problem affecting life, or if it's about a small thing.
22 year old brother is a story of his own. He has been quiet and depressed for about 8 years now, and last 1,5 years he has gone really low and become very weird.
I was very close to him all my life up until about 2 years ago. I've tried to help him with his depression for many years. But about 18 months ago he started to get pretty angry and agressive towards me, and last summer he pretty much stopped talking to me and the rest of the family. And about 7 months ago he made it very clear to me that he didn't want to speak to me again, without telling me the reason or letting me speak to him one last time clearing things out. I've tried to help him every day for years, then he does this, it feels awful.
Now he's living at my parents again because he has no money, and don't want to get a job or go to school. But he keep himself alone, dont talk much to the parents, and never talks to me, I haven't seen him in months, even though I've been there almost every day this summer. He has become very "spiritual", and belive in demons, god, and weird stuff.
The parents haven't treated this thing good from the start; dad is so much up in his own stuff, that he don't allow himself to see the problems, telling himself that it's all good.
Mom notice something is wrong, but tries to sweep it under the rug, beliving it will get better in the future, even though it's become worse and worse for years.
The family has very little set morals or value standards or rules, they just "do what you should".
They never do anything bad or harmful to people, but they often "don't do anything", wich I think can be just as bad as actually doing something.
And they also makes a difference about morals and respect towards themself and others. (sorry I guess this part is written in bad english).
This must be the family from hell for an INFJ!? I feel I have so many unfinished things, both practical and physical things in the family, that I can't let go before it's done, and nobody else care.
And I have trouble seeing a future value in the family when nobody appreciates the connection and moral values that're important for us INFJs.
I understand it can't be exactly like an INFJ wants it. But this is ridiculous.
Please feel free to commentate my story or ask any questions.
And how is it for you - being an INFJ, and the realtionship with your family? Anybody feel the same?