[ENFP] I HATE being an ENFP

[finalcount]

I've got the f*cking short end of the stick!

I'll never be as smart as any NT. In fact, the guy that I'm interested in implied that I have many lovely attributes, such as looks and charm, but I lack intelligence. That crushed me. I know I'll never be as dependent on logic and rational thinking as much as Ts, but I thought I was doing alright. I just feel so worthless and stupid.

What's so f*cking great about having dominant Ne paired with Fi? What purpose does it serve? Reading and knowing the motivations and sincerity of people? Being a f*cking chameleon? We're FINICKY, and UNRELIABLE. I should reword that. I don't mean to lump everyone else in with me. I can only speak for myself and my character, and my character f*cking blows.

Every variant, one letter off from the ENFP has it better. Oh, I know, "the grass always seems better on the other side". Shut the f*ck up.

INFPs- They can write and express themselves so beautifully. I'm always grasping for the right words to accurately express how I feel. When I write, it's f*cking contrived. When they write, it's beautiful.

ESFPs- Life of the party. I don't know, there's something about them that makes them so real, so true, and it's f*cking beautiful. Like I flip-flop between crazy extrovert and extremely introverted. No f*cking middle ground. They don't seem to have that. They're practical, and smart, and hands-on and it's annoying. (I only say this because I'm jealous).

ENTPs- They actually f*cking use Ne in a great way. It's an amazing cognitive function when paired with Ti, or when paired with dominant Fi. ENTPs share a lot of the same characteristics as ENFPs, but they're amazing thinkers and great at having an outside of the box perspective, and are f*cking awesome debaters. THEY CAN ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING MEANINGFUL WITH THEIR Ne. I can't debate. I suck at it. I can never articulate my points well enough....plus, they're never as strong as ENTPs.

ENFJs- Seriously? Everyone f*cking loves ENFJs. They're genuinely KIND people. They want the best for PEOPLE, not just interested in impacting individuals. How can you not like that? I'm not at all a kind person. People seem to mistake bieng silly and making jokes and getting along with everyone as being a kind person, but that's not true. With them, it's just effortless. How do they do it?

ENFPs are just stupid. I don't mean to insult all ENFPs, I mean, essentially all I've met were just generally awesome people. I'm just stupid. A waste of space.

I'm annoyed, because my stupid Enneagram 4 is rearing it's ugly head and I'm getting less and less healthy, I think. I have no fucking idea how to get out of this pool of self-pity. Every time I think of a positive, I get pulled back into the pool.

 

[Thalassa]

Anyone who tells you you're beautiful and charming but lack intelligence is an asshat who doesn't appreciate your strengths, and is also probably a pompous bastard with much too high opinion of himself and low to non-existent social and emotional intelligence. I've found that many NTs are either socially or emotionally retarded, of course not all of them, just like all Feelers aren't total dummies when it comes to being book smart or logical.

Your self-hatred is really sad. That guy is a loser if he made you feel this way about yourself.

 

[1487610420]

[YOUTUBE="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BYLMTvxOaeE"]This[/YOUTUBE]

 

[Elfboy]

INFPs- They can write and express themselves so beautifully. I'm always grasping for the right words to accurately express how I feel. When I write, it's f*cking contrived. When they write, it's beautiful.

ESFPs- Life of the party. I don't know, there's something about them that makes them so real, so true, and it's f*cking beautiful. Like I flip-flop between crazy extrovert and extremely introverted. No f*cking middle ground. They don't seem to have that. They're practical, and smart, and hands-on and it's annoying. (I only say this because I'm jealous).

ENTPs- They actually f*cking use Ne in a great way. It's an amazing cognitive function when paired with Ti, or when paired with dominant Fi. ENTPs share a lot of the same characteristics as ENFPs, but they're amazing thinkers and great at having an outside of the box perspective, and are f*cking awesome debaters. THEY CAN ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING MEANINGFUL WITH THEIR Ne. I can't debate. I suck at it. I can never articulate my points well enough....plus, they're never as strong as ENTPs.

ENFJs- Seriously? Everyone f*cking loves ENFJs. They're genuinely KIND people. They want the best for PEOPLE, not just interested in impacting individuals. How can you not like that? I'm not at all a kind person. People seem to mistake bieng silly and making jokes and getting along with everyone as being a kind person, but that's not true. With them, it's just effortless. How do they do it?

ENFPs can do and be ALL these things. we frequently are. being an INFP would be MUCH harder in my opinion than being ENFP. maybe your problems are enneagram related

 

[Qlip]

Dude, don't fight yourself. You gotta go with your strengths and run with it. If you are the typical unfocused, energetic ENFP.. once you get those impulses and inclinations trained, you'll be dynamite.

Oh, and don't buy that NT's are all smart crap that they're always trying to sell you.

I don't doubt you you've got some changes to make in your life, but it's not your type. There are many very happy ENFPs here, which means that you can get there yourself if you want to try.

 

[Lady_X]

damn...i want to have a one on one with every single enneagram 4 person that feels this way...it makes me nuts!!

 

[Elfboy]

Anyone who tells you you're beautiful and charming but lack intelligence is an asshat who doesn't appreciate your strengths, and is also probably a pompous bastard with much too high opinion of himself and low to non-existent social and emotional intelligence. I've found that many NTs are either socially or emotionally retarded, of course not all of them, just like all Feelers aren't total dummies when it comes to being book smart or logical.
Your self-hatred is really sad. That guy is a loser if he made you feel this way about yourself.

I agree with everything you said except for the rejecting people based off of intelligence. I have rejected several approaches (both sexual and non sexual) on grounds that the person was an idiot and had a mind about as deep as a kiddy pool. rejecting someone based off of low intelligence is simply a matter of standards. that being said, I don't thing the original poster is stupid and I agree that T =/= smart, it isn't even correlated (I and N are somewhat correlated, but T is not correlated at all)

 

[Thalassa]

Well idiots are idiots, but you don't have to tell people they lack intelligence although they appear to be a pretty package. That's condescending and rude, unless the person is rude or mean to you first, it seems nasty and totally unnecessary.

 

[Qlip]

Well idiots are idiots, but you don't have to tell people they lack intelligence although they appear to be a pretty package. That's condescending and rude, unless the person is rude or mean to you first, it seems nasty and totally unnecessary.

Agreed.

 

[Elfboy]

Well idiots are idiots, but you don't have to tell people they lack intelligence although they appear to be a pretty package. That's condescending and rude, unless the person is rude or mean to you first, it seems nasty and totally unnecessary.

why? if they are an idiot, why is being honest with them bad?

 

[Thalassa]

why? if they are an idiot, why is being honest with them bad?

Because first of all, "idiocy" may only be your opinion...they might not, in truth, be a borderline retarded person...but just have a different sort of intelligence than you, or the kind of intelligence you value.

Because they may have other wonderful qualities, like high emotional intelligence, in the sense of being very patient, kind, accepting, loyal and giving and calling them an idiot would just be hurtful, mean...and frankly kind of stupid of you to not be able to recognize high emotional intelligence.

Because you might not be as smart as you think you are.

Now, I can see if someone is just an idiot and an asshole, then sure, fine, say "jesus you're an idiot" because they're such an asshole about it.

 

[Giggly]

Perhaps the guy you are interested in prefers to date another Thinker. Some do.

I'm sorry that he made you feel bad about yourself though.

I think you should forget about him and find someone who appreciates your gifts and strengths.

 

[Elfboy]

Because first of all, "idiocy" may only be your opinion...they might not, in truth, be a borderline retarded person...but just have a different sort of intelligence than you, or the kind of intelligence you value.
Because they may have other wonderful qualities, like high emotional intelligence, in the sense of being very patient, kind, accepting, loyal and giving and calling them an idiot would just be hurtful, mean...and frankly kind of stupid of you to not be able to recognize high emotional intelligence.
Because you might not be as smart as you think you are.
Now, I can see if someone is just an idiot and an asshole, then sure, fine, say "jesus you're an idiot" because they're such an asshole about it.

I'm not talking about an idiot so much as a shallow, ignorant person who would not be willing to hear my views and would be offended by my unconventional behavior. such a person is absolutely worthless to me and can provide no real benefit to me unless I hire them as a maid a hooker (either gender). I have no use or need for someone who can't make intelligent conversation or think outside of the brainwashed, politically correct box that most people are trapped in.

 

[Santosha]

OP - You've got it all backwards. ENFP's are one of the more sought out types. We've got all kinds of good things going for us. Infact, out of 16 types.. there is maybe only 1 or 2 others that I would even consider changing to if I could. I think your in an E4 funk.

Consider how silly this is.. 1 NT that you admire slights you and you chose to believe it? Do you even realize how ignorant & judgemental one would have to be to imply that another is not "intelligent"? See 'What is intelligence' threads. Maybe logic isn't our strongest point, but logic isn't everything my friend. Plenty of extremly intelligent, logical NT's sitting behind neon screens in dark rooms with no friends, no social abilities, no love, and no passion. FUCK THAT.

You've got to put this into perspective. Your E4 is making you envious and coveting. Maybe you can't do anything about those feelings, but you can sure channel them into action. I suggest you either run with the positives (and we have a lot, I'm not blowen smoke here.. ENFP's have an almost endless list of amazing traits) or channel that self-hated into improvement.

And realize when your around *toxic* people. I find that we are especially sensitive to people that reject our nature and shit on our ideas and ideals. There is just WAY too many people that recognize our good qualities to waste time on assholes. Just sayen.

 

[Hazashin]

Maybe logic isn't our strongest point, but logic isn't everything my friend. Plenty of extremly intelligent, logical NT's sitting behind neon screens in dark rooms with no friends, no social abilities, no love, and no passion. FUCK THAT.

EXACTLY! I may not be an ENFP, but I agree wholeheartedly.

 

[INTP]

OP - You've got it all backwards. ENFP's are one of the more sought out types. We've got all kinds of good things going for us. Infact, out of 16 types.. there is maybe only 1 or 2 others that I would even consider changing to if I could. I think your in an E4 funk.

Consider how silly this is.. 1 NT that you admire slights you and you chose to believe it? Do you even realize how ignorant & judgemental one would have to be to imply that another is not "intelligent"? See 'What is intelligence' threads. Maybe logic isn't our strongest point, but logic isn't everything my friend. Plenty of extremly intelligent, logical NT's sitting behind neon screens in dark rooms with no friends, no social abilities, no love, and no passion. FUCK THAT.

You've got to put this into perspective. Your E4 is making you envious and coveting. Maybe you can't do anything about those feelings, but you can sure channel them into action. I suggest you either run with the positives (and we have a lot, I'm not blowen smoke here.. ENFP's have an almost endless list of amazing traits) or channel that self-hated into improvement.

And realize when your around *toxic* people. I find that we are especially sensitive to people that reject our nature and shit on our ideas and ideals. There is just WAY too many people that recognize our good qualities to waste time on assholes. Just sayen.

this

and ENFPs arent dumb, they are just smart in different way than NTs are, at least usually, sometimes they beat the NTs in their own game and are also smart in other ways.

Some NT calling you stupid only knows how limited and self centered his view on intelligence is, in other words hes a retard

 

[CzeCze]

ENTPs- They actually f*cking use Ne in a great way. It's an amazing cognitive function when paired with Ti, or when paired with dominant Fi. ENTPs share a lot of the same characteristics as ENFPs, but they're amazing thinkers and great at having an outside of the box perspective, and are f*cking awesome debaters. THEY CAN ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING MEANINGFUL WITH THEIR Ne. I can't debate. I suck at it. I can never articulate my points well enough....plus, they're never as strong as ENTPs.

Please don't be one of "those ENFPs". ENTPs have healthy enough egos as it is without you adding to inferno. Also, you'll have to get in line after the INFX's to get within flattery range and they might scratch your eyes out if you try to cut. Also, if you think you're a horrible debater, perhaps your Ne is way scattered and you aren't able to reign it in enough or filter it. I don't think that's an ENFP flaw...ENFPs more often than not love debating and talking around things and we're pretty proud of ourselves whether or not we're actually persuasive.

ENFJs- Seriously? Everyone f*cking loves ENFJs. They're genuinely KIND people. They want the best for PEOPLE, not just interested in impacting individuals. How can you not like that? I'm not at all a kind person. People seem to mistake bieng silly and making jokes and getting along with everyone as being a kind person, but that's not true. With them, it's just effortless. How do they do it?

Heeheehee, not on heeeeeeeeere~ Stick around kid, when you see all the flaming INFPs and haterade ENFJs get, you'll feel incrementally better about your own type.

ENFPs are just stupid. I don't mean to insult all ENFPs, I mean, essentially all I've met were just generally awesome people. I'm just stupid. A waste of space.

Are you sure you aren't INFP?

But in more seriousness, how old are you? People's cognitive functions develop supposedly in a pattern so by your 20s you're developing such and such and 30s your tertiary or something like that.

Also, intelligence (or lack thereof) isn't necessarily tied to type. There are long threads on this if you want to search. The correlations have more to do with "N" to "S" and people have said that being an Intuitive gives you an edge on those standardized tests that are kinda skewed anyways to Ne. Or something. I believe the one test results showing percentages of types in gifted programs had a lot of INFPs and ENFPs. There are a couple ENFP engineers, PhD holders and whatnot on the forum if you want to chat about how to step up your intellectual game.

If you're really complaining about intelligence, there are 2 answers. Either it's a fixed thing and you just don't have enough for your liking. In which case, I guess you're screwed or will otherwise have to deal with it.

Or it's a qualitative, ambiguous thing that describes your orientation to problem solving and the way you explain your thought process. There are more ways to be intelligent and even intellectual than following the scientific method.

As for the case of the guy, and also knowing you are a four, I'm more worried that you put so much credence into other people's definitions and standards instead of developing your own. What are your own strengths? What exactly do you mean about 'not being smart enough'? What exactly do you want to be better at?

It's totally fine to vent and rant. With Ne + Fi you probably need to do it a lot to get back to a 'normal level' of energy so you can think straight. Also, being a 4 probably exacerbates that. Have your moment.

Just please don't turn into one of those "ZOMG! I'm so dumb but I'm cute" girls who worships robotic terrible boyfriends because "OMG they're sooooooo smart". Dating smart people will not make you smarter. And putting up with bad behavior and agreeing that you are dumb/irrational/ overly emotional/etc. will just dig you deeper into a hole of low self-esteem.

Embrace what you are good at, take a deep breath, and go from there.

Also - start an intro thread in the welcomes page

 

[CzeCze]

BTW, I take exception to XNFPs agreeing that we're not logical.

I am SUPER fucking logical!!!??!!!?

 

[Starry]

Also - start an intro thread in the welcomes page

He/she's been a member since August of 2010 (oh ENFPs LOL).

 

[INTP]

BTW, I take exception to XNFPs agreeing that we're not logical.

I am SUPER fucking logical!!!??!!!?

whats the logic behind the question marks?