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  1. #51
    Professional Trickster Esoteric Wench's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Huxley3112 View Post
    Plenty of extremely intelligent, logical NT's sitting behind neon screens in dark rooms with no friends, no social abilities, no love, and no passion. FUCK THAT.
    This made me belly laugh. Nicely said. (And very true... which made it all the more funnier.)

    :yim_rolling_on_the_
    ENFP with kick*ss Te | 7w8 so | ♀

  2. #52
    Professional Trickster Esoteric Wench's Avatar
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    <segue>

    Quote Originally Posted by Crescent Fresh View Post
    Btw, I know one thing for sure is that although INFJ + ENFP isn't the best type to be romantically involved, I consider them as one of the few types that I can trust them because they all tend to share a very kind-hearted soul.
    I think (based on my experience as well as my understanding of MBTI theory) that ENFPs and INFJs can be a very good match... if they interpret the other's Fe/Fi correctly.

    </segue>

    As far as the OP, I'd encourage you to shake off your self-deprecating ways and embrace the beauty of being an ENFP. I feel very lucky to be an ENFP and I think the advantages of being an ENFP extend beyond me just loving myself. In other words, there are some real-world, fact-based advantages to ENFP-ness. I would focus on these... not just because that's really the only choice you have to be happy with yourself... but also because ENFPs can kick ass in certain areas in ways that others can only dream of.
    ENFP with kick*ss Te | 7w8 so | ♀

  3. #53
    Professional Trickster Esoteric Wench's Avatar
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    Here's an old post of mine where I list what I think are the best things about being an ENFP. Hope this helps:

    Quote Originally Posted by Esoteric Wench View Post
    My Favorite ENFP Strengths (In No Particular Order)
    1. Genuine Interest in People. Like all Feelers, ENFPs are people people. But when you combine Fi (which values authenticity) and Ne (which loves to take in new information), you have a person who is curious to understand those around them, especially what makes someone tick (i.e., their true essence). I once read on this forum that ENFPs were akin to social scientists in that they loved to watch people and understand them both on the individual level as well as at the species level. ß And, I think this is very true of ENFPs. An ENFP’s secret weapon is their genuine fascination with all things people.
    2. Great People Skills. ENFPs seem to have a sixth sense about what makes people tick; and they can pick up on the subtle nuance of the social game play going on around them. This is due, in part, to their acute awareness of their outside environment (Ne) which is constantly scanning for new information combined with their desire for positive interpersonal relations (like all Fs). The result is a person who is keenly aware of the motivations and perceptions of others. When you combine this with an ENFP’s good communication skills and warm and affirming nature, it’s easy to understand why they tend to connect with people quickly and easily, and why they are generally well-liked.
    3. Unafraid to Be Different. Here again, we see where the combination of Ne and Fi is foundational to the ENFP experience. Ne looks at the world from the 20,000 foot view. This desire to get the big picture perspective is most concerned with understanding the big picture rather than being bound by minutiae like the social expectations of others. ENFPs are almost always aware of these expectations; they just don’t feel bound by them. Couple this with their Fi that seeks internal (instead of external) validation, and you’ve got a person who isn’t afraid to push the social envelope. This can come across as zany charm, boat rocking, or social cluelessness. But this ability to operate outside of societal norms can also be a tremendous advantage. If an ENFP feels that they are behaving in a manner that is consistent with their Fi values and is an authentic expression of their selves, then they are unafraid to act as their conscience dictates.
    4. Fiercely Independent. ENFPs don’t want to be in control, but they don’t want to be controlled either. Fi is all about authenticity and truthiness. Sometimes outside forces (like a boss’ direction, a task’s requirements, or a social group’s expectations) impinge upon Fi’s desire to express itself authentically and truthfully. When this happens, it’s easy for the ENFP to become hostile and obstructive to the perceived threat to their Fi. It also means that ENFPs have an amazing ability to live and think unfettered by outside forces.
    5. Ability to See Patterns & Connections. An ENFP’s dominant function is Ne. Extraverted Intuition looks outside oneself and tries to put all the things it sees into a big picture understanding of the world. Everything has meaning. And, everything is connected to everything else. Ne can feel like your constantly trying to put together a huge jigsaw puzzle. This lends itself to an ENFP’s astounding ability to see patterns and connections that others do not see… almost to the point of being painful. Take, for example, my personal experience of learning about MBTI theory. Whether I want to or not, I am constantly seeing how people’s behavior fits their personality type per the theory. And I regularly ruminate on the patterns in behavior I see… to the point that I can’t shut it off. While sometimes this is overwhelming, it also means that I do see patterns and connections in human behavior that allow me to navigate my relationships with aplomb. So while Ne can be overwhelming, it can also lead to bursts of creative thinking and powerful insights.
    6. Comfortable in New & Fluid Situations. ENFPs are Perceivers which means they have Pe-Ji or an extroverted perceiving function (Ne) and an introverted judging function (Fi). This means they tend to be drawn more toward observing and experiencing rather than deciding and taking action. (For a great article about Pe-Ji versus Pi-Je click here.) I once explained to an INFJ, what being a P was like in this way: “As an ENFP, I like to just sit back and soak it all in. Of course, I can and do make decisions. I do this everyday. But my default behavior is to observe and keep my options open.” Thus ENFPs tend to be very flexible, spontaneous, and open to possibilities. Of course there are downsides to being so loosey-goosey, but ENFPs can leverage their ability to change on a dime, succeed without a plan, and think on their feet, to great advantage.
    7. Getting Things Done. ENFPs are great thinkers with their heads oftentimes stuck in the Ne clouds. But they can also be great doers if they are able to tap into their Te. Since Extraverted Thinking is 3rd in the ENFP hierarchy of functions, it can take years of practice for ENFPs to be able to use this function in a nuanced and mature way. But an ENFP with mature Te is all about executing things in a logical and orderly manner. Take for example, how I’ve tried to organize this post into logical bullet points. This is very Te of me. And being able to work out the logical steps backward from an identified goal is also very Te.
    8. Seeing All the Possibilities. To me at least, this is one of those aspects of being an ENFP that is smack-you-in-the-face obvious. In fact, observing this trait is one of the first ways I type someone as an ENxP. This ability to see every permutation of every situation is the hallmark of dominant Extraverted Intuition. There is never just one answer for an ENFP. While it is easy to get lost in all the possibilities when your an ENFP, it also means you can see very creative solutions to any given problem.
    9. Intellectual Breadth. ENFPs are usually interested in all sorts of subjects and bring a wide variety of skills to the table in whatever project they are involved in. This breadth of knowledge is due to an ENFP’s dominant Extraverted Intuition which loves to learn new things. And because ENFP are Perceivers that like to observe and experience things, they tend to be very open to new avenues of intellectual exploration. The blend of these two traits means that ENFPs know a little about a wide variety of subjects. While sometimes they sacrifice depth of knowledge in the name of taking in new information, breadth of knowledge can be a great strength. ENFPs have a wide array of interests and experience that they can draw upon. This gives them flexibility in careers and allows them to connect with people from all walks of life.
    10. Able to Inspire Other. Inspiring others is a hallmark ENFP characteristic that is the culmination of several other ENFP traits. ENFPs really care about people and give high-priority to fostering positive personal relationships. They also tend to place great value on helping others and making their world a better place. They have a natural ability to read people. And, they are flexible enough to tailor their approach based on the needs of others. Finally, ENFPs have an almost spooky ability to see the potential in other people. All these traits combine into an uncanny ability to motivate and inspire others to do their best.
    ENFP with kick*ss Te | 7w8 so | ♀

  4. #54
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    Guys!

    I just want to thank everyone that replied to me and posted a kind word! I really do appreciate everyone and everything they contributed, even if did stray a little from the topic at times!

    I said a lot of things in frustration. I'm often caught between having such self-hatred, and thinking that I'm an awesome person. Go figure!

    To clarify, elaborate and answer certain questions:

    Quote Originally Posted by Marmie Dearest View Post
    Your self-hatred is really sad. That guy is a loser if he made you feel this way about yourself.
    Awe, thanks Marmie Dearest for the hug! I appreciate the bashing of the guy to make me feel better, but he really isn't a loser, just someone that lacks a little bit of tact. OR, alternatively, it isn't that he lacks tact, but that I see subtext that isn't there and read far too much into things that were never the intent. We are pros at that! I'm actually pretty good with criticism now, but a shot at my intelligence is enough to really upset me; it's my biggest insecurity coming from a family of NTs.

    Quote Originally Posted by Giggly View Post
    I'm sorry that he made you feel bad about yourself though.

    I think you should forget about him and find someone who appreciates your gifts and strengths.
    Gee, thanks for the hug Giggly! I'm working on that forgetting him part! I'm sure that one day I'll find someone that appreciates my gifts and strengths, but my primary objective is to appreciate them myself first.

    Yes, he did make me feel bad, but it's important to know that he is not entirely the reason for this feeling of lack of self-worth and importance in this world. I've been feeling this way for awhile, it's as though he added that one tiny straw that broke the camel's back; what he said was absolutely the last thing I needed to hear at the time.

    Quote Originally Posted by phobik View Post
    [YOUTUBE="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BYLMTvxOaeE"]This[/YOUTUBE]
    Hahahaha! Thanks, phobik! Funny, yet perfectly true AND really good advice. It's just that it's one thing to say "Stop it!" and temporarily fix the problem, and it's another to get to the root of those insecurities and doubts so those two words are never necessary. Do you have any advice?

    Quote Originally Posted by Qlip View Post
    Dude, don't fight yourself. You gotta go with your strengths and run with it. If you are the typical unfocused, energetic ENFP.. once you get those impulses and inclinations trained, you'll be dynamite.

    I don't doubt you you've got some changes to make in your life, but it's not your type.
    This is exactly how I feel, but I have no idea how to start, or where to begin. I want to harness all of this incredible energy, passion, this drive that I have, and I want to do some good, and feel good, but how do I get those impulses and inclinations trained? Is it development of Fi or Te? How do I develop those, besides the inevitable maturity that comes with life?

    Quote Originally Posted by Huxley3112 View Post
    ...ENFP's are one of the more sought out types. We've got all kinds of good things going for us...I think you're in an E4 funk.

    You've got to put this into perspective. Your E4 is making you envious and coveting. Maybe you can't do anything about those feelings, but you can sure channel them into action. I suggest you either run with the positives (and we have a lot, I'm not blowen smoke here.. ENFP's have an almost endless list of amazing traits) or channel that self-hated into improvement.

    Huxley3112, thanks for the hug and the really good advice! (Awe, the hug emoticon is so, so cute)! I'd like to do both; run with the positives AND become engaged in self-improvement. I guess what it comes down to is recognizing the amazing attributes that come so easily to me and I take for granted, AND seeing what could use some improvement. Development of Fi? Te? How does one do this? Should I not be thinking so cognitive-based and be thinking in a generalist sense instead?

    Quote Originally Posted by Elfboy View Post
    maybe your problems are enneagram related
    I think this is totally spot on, Elfboy. It's becoming an uphill battle, being an ENFP, the most optimistic of all types, and an Enneagram 4, the one type that thrives on negative emotions. It's such a paradox; it even confuses me! Does anyone have any words of wisdom specifically tailored for ENFP - E4s? It'd be so helpful!

    Quote Originally Posted by Elfboy View Post
    rejecting someone based off of low intelligence is simply a matter of standards. that being said, I don't think the original poster is stupid...
    Haha, thanks! You and me both!

    Quote Originally Posted by CzeCze View Post
    ...perhaps your Ne is way scattered and you aren't able to reign it in enough or filter it.

    ...in more seriousness, how old are you? People's cognitive functions develop supposedly in a pattern so by your 20s you're developing such and such and 30s your tertiary or something like that.

    ...I believe the one test results showing percentages of types in gifted programs had a lot of INFPs and ENFPs. There are a couple ENFP engineers, PhD holders and whatnot on the forum if you want to chat about how to step up your intellectual game. :P

    As for the case of the guy, and also knowing you are a four, I'm more worried that you put so much credence into other people's definitions and standards instead of developing your own. What are your own strengths? What exactly do you mean about 'not being smart enough'? What exactly do you want to be better at?

    Just please don't turn into one of those "ZOMG! I'm so dumb but I'm cute" girls who worships robotic terrible boyfriends because "OMG they're sooooooo smart".

    Embrace what you are good at, take a deep breath, and go from there.
    I think that problem lies not entirely with my Ne, but with being able to articulate my points the way that I have it in my head. Example:

    My point in my mind: "Most know that whales are indeed mammals, not fish. There is, however, a misconception that whales came onto land and they are the evolutionary ancestors of the genus Canis (wolves, dogs, etc). This is false, as those in the Canis genus, primarily wolves, are responsible for the evolution as whales..."

    My point when articulated: "Um, I don't really think wolves came from whales. It's kinda the other way around...Like, it's super cool! Basically, it's like survival of the fittest! Imagine there's like all these wolves! And they're fighting for food! So, some wolves are better swimmers, and they think, "Man it'd be totally awesome if I ate some fish, because those other poor suckers can fight for all that land food and I have allllll this to myself!!!!!!..."

    Truth is, I know I'm smart. In school, I was placed into all sorts of higher level reading and math classes; I was years ahead of my peers. When I have to articulate a point, or explain something, I just sound really dumb. It's not as easy as just saying what's in your head. It's not the fact that most people think I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed that bothers me-- I don't know those people, they're not close to me, and I really don't care. It's when people that I admire, respect, and/or have feelings think I'm a total idiot that I'm truly bothered. I come from an entire family of NTs, and you'd think that my parents and siblings and I would kind of speak the same language, do to our intuition, but it's been made explicitly clear that I am the dumb one. Gee, thanks for being supportive.

    I guess I'm feeling let down because of the old adage, "Jack of all trades, master of none". When someone asks me what I'm good at, I can't think of a single thing because I try to think of something I'm a "master" at. I mean, I can write, but not nearly as well as anyone else that identifies themselves as a writer. I honestly think the one thing I'm good at is being introspective, but then again, that's not exactly a talent.

    I'm kind of peeved because as much as I hate my enneagram, I do really love it, and the person that I am. It just upsets me to able to feel in such scope and such depth; I'm feeling that I might possibly have something to contribute to this wealth of knowledge of the human experience, and realizing that I'm a horrible writer, a horrible speaker; my words will never do my internal world justice. (Horrible run-on sentence, ignore!) I think that's why I reserve a special spot of hatred for INFPs.

    And don't worry! I'm not one of those girls that dumbs herself down, but I'll be the first to admit that NT guys make me swoon!

    Also, I'd love to speak to any ENFPs with a high level of education; I think they'd be such a great inspiration for me. I'm 18, turning 19 later this year btw.

    Quote Originally Posted by CzeCze View Post
    BTW, I take exception to XNFPs agreeing that we're not logical.

    I am SUPER fucking logical!!!??!!!?
    I think I am too, it's just that sometimes I mistake being irrational and lacking logic with speaking in the abrupt, stop and start, excited way that I always do. See above for more details.

    Quote Originally Posted by Riva View Post
    [B][SIZE="4"]...do yourself a favour and tell that guy to go FUCK HIMSELF.
    Naaah, I just told him that wasn't very nice! I kind of suck at telling people off when I should.

    Quote Originally Posted by animenagai View Post
    OP needs to stop being such a drama queen, seriously.

    tl:dr Stop bitching, stop insulting ENFP's as a group. Find your own strengths and learn to overcome your weaknesses. Ugh. I'm type 4 ENFP too, but I've never saw my own shortcomings as a reason to hate my type(s).
    animenagai, you included a lot of great advice and insight that I appreciated; I just cut it out because at the rate at which I'm quoting and writing, this reply is going to be miles long!

    I'd just like to say a few things in reply:

    Firstly, I made sure to add a disclaimer in my original post that I was actually only referring to myself, that I was at a low point, and that other ENFPs are totally awesome.

    Secondly, yes, you may be an ENFP - E4, and you may not have experienced how I feel, but that in no way invalidates my feelings. This, "I'm like you, and I've never felt/done this, get over it" mentality is both dangerous in a general sense, and rude.

    It's one thing to supply tough love; I was totally being a drama queen and I acknowledge this. It's another to have this poor mentality and invalidate my feelings. My feelings, both positive and bad, are paramount to who I am, and shape the person I currently am, and will BECOME. Obviously, there is a strong need for self-improvement here.

    Don't think that I didn't know how irrational I was in my thinking when I wrote it. Classic E4, totally being in a shitty place, saying/doing horrible things, yet being self-aware, assessing my feelings/motivations the entire time, and knowing the absurdity of what I writing. It was just therapeutic to get it out. I see no harm in this.

    Quote Originally Posted by Riva View Post
    They have Ne, Fi, Te, Si. How cool is that?

    Ne with all that energy and bright ideas.
    Fi with insight in to others and to bond with people.
    Te to get shit done and bring closure to things one puts his/her head to.
    Si with all that experience and clear memory.

    I see the advantage of being a enfp than being a entp.
    Quote Originally Posted by shortnsweet View Post
    Also, haven't you ever noticed the value in being charming? I can say what I feel has been the most harsh, rude, or ridiculous thing, I can get away with murder and somehow always remain popular and well accepted.
    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    ...it's just seeing them with all their strengths and weaknesses but understanding and accepting them...i find the whole beautiful...and real...i love the humanity of it. the authenticity...the flaws make you just as special and worthy of love and understanding...truly.
    Quote Originally Posted by kyuuei View Post
    The fact I'm smart in a completely different way seems to humble me--it's not always useful, so I step back and listen to others more. Things like that help a lot, whether we see it or not.
    Quote Originally Posted by Crescent Fresh View Post
    ..many people are naturally drawn to people with various facets of personalities which most ENFPs are skilled to apply them in the most appropriate situation accordingly. Also, ENFP is so empathetic yet they're not overtly emotional and that's what many people are drawn into.
    Quote Originally Posted by blankpages View Post
    "The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence" is a cliche for a reason. We often don't see other people's struggles nearly as easily as we see our own. And our own strengths often seem insignificant; they come so easily to us that it doesn't even occur to us that others might have a hard time in these areas...They make it look so easy.
    Thanks for the reminders, guys! It's just horrible, taking traits and gifts that come so easily for you for granted.

    Quote Originally Posted by Esoteric Wench View Post
    As far as the OP, I'd encourage you to shake off your self-deprecating ways and embrace the beauty of being an ENFP. I feel very lucky to be an ENFP and I think the advantages of being an ENFP extend beyond me just loving myself. In other words, there are some real-world, fact-based advantages to ENFP-ness. I would focus on these... not just because that's really the only choice you have to be happy with yourself... but also because ENFPs can kick ass in certain areas in ways that others can only dream of.
    Esoteric Wench, your list of totally awesome ENFP qualities is AMAZING. I printed them off, taped it to my wall above my desk. It just never really struck me how amazing those gifts those are-- I had kind of just assumed that everyone had them, and they were nothing special. I see now how wrong I am. Thank you so much!

    Quote Originally Posted by StarryKnights View Post
    He/she's been a member since August of 2010 (oh ENFPs LOL).
    Yeah, that's just how I roll; I lurk in the shadows, watching...

    Quote Originally Posted by Orobas View Post
    I'd rather be some other type that is more accepted by society.
    NO! We're going to kick ass being ENFPs, and not wish that we're another type!

    To everyone that contributed to this thread, thank you so much! I want you to know that you all really did make a difference!

  5. #55
    FRACTALICIOUS phobik's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by finalcount View Post
    Hahahaha! Thanks, phobik! Funny, yet perfectly true AND really good advice. It's just that it's one thing to say "Stop it!" and temporarily fix the problem, and it's another to get to the root of those insecurities and doubts so those two words are never necessary. Do you have any advice?
    Dare to let go of fear.
    To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.
    ~ Elbert Hubbard

    Music provides one of the clearest examples of a much deeper relation between mathematics and human experience.

  6. #56
    Certified Sausage Smoker Elfboy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by phobik View Post
    Dare to let go of fear.
    ironic words from one with such a username
    ENFP: We put the Fi in Fire
    ENFP
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    Sunburst!
    "You are a gay version of Gambit" Speed Gavroche
    "I wish that I could be affected by any hate, but I can't, cuz I just get affected by the bank" Chamillionaire

  7. #57
    Nerd King Usurper Edgar's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by finalcount View Post
    I have many lovely attributes, such as looks and charm, but I lack intelligence. That crushed me.
    Looks and charm go a lot further in this world than intelligence.
    You've got nothing to bitch about, cupcake.
    Listen to me, baby, you got to understand, you're old enough to learn the makings of a man.

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