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  1. #41
    Senior Member King sns's Avatar
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    Yes, OP, I am definitely inclined to agree with you. (But maybe not so feverishly.) I don't always understand the use for Ne Fi, and feel that I am always "working on something" about myself. Trying to balance it out somehow. I guess that's part of the combo though, values and possibilities is going to lead the person to attempt to be more and possibly forget who they actually are.

    I don't think intelligence is always classical NT sense. Though, they do have a certain thought process that is like, "wow! Why didn't I think of that???" But, IQ test wise-.... we all have certain abilities to figure things out, we just all come from different directions. Also, haven't you ever noticed the value in being charming? I can say what I feel has been the most harsh, rude, or ridiculous thing, I can get away with murder and somehow always remain popular and well accepted. (As shallow as this sounds on paper, it is extremely important in the world- it helps us navigate easily without having to do much legwork.)

    The beauty of Ne Fi is just adaptability. It sounds so soft. Being kind of a mirror reflection of everything around you, but it definitely has it's value- it's just hard to see the value when you are living the situation. It just feels so fuzzy and non-descript. Our logic is fuzzy, our speech is fuzzy. The other cool thing about this chameleon combo- is that we can literally pick up and adopt any mentality we want to, and that translates into doing almost anything we want to. Except for maybe doing the taxes or showing up on time. But THAT'S BESIDE THE POINT.

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  2. #42
    Senior Member sculpting's Avatar
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    only read the OP, but I do agree in some sense that I hate being an enfp.

    I suppose it is because I want to care for others and have then care for me in return. Before this forum, I knew I was an ENFP and thought it was okay-it helped me accept myself.

    Once on this forum, I could see how many different types of people truley hate and detest enfps...it was heartbreaking. They never stopped to take the time to understand us, yet judge us. It is so wierd, as i try so hard to accept and understand others, even if their actions confuse me-I seek clarification.

    Most sad were the INTPs. In my life I always understood and accepted them as they were and even felt very caring and nurturing towards them. However to see how they judge me in return in their minds, has been so very sad for me.

    Anyways, yeah, I'd rather be some other type that is more accepted by society.

  3. #43
    Certified Sausage Smoker Elfboy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Orobas View Post
    only read the OP, but I do agree in some sense that I hate being an enfp.

    I suppose it is because I want to care for others and have then care for me in return. Before this forum, I knew I was an ENFP and thought it was okay-it helped me accept myself.

    Once on this forum, I could see how many different types of people truley hate and detest enfps...it was heartbreaking. They never stopped to take the time to understand us, yet judge us. It is so wierd, as i try so hard to accept and understand others, even if their actions confuse me-I seek clarification.

    Most sad were the INTPs. In my life I always understood and accepted them as they were and even felt very caring and nurturing towards them. However to see how they judge me in return in their minds, has been so very sad for me.

    Anyways, yeah, I'd rather be some other type that is more accepted by society.
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  4. #44
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    what i think sucks is that i feel like enfps are such accepting people...we're not blind to others faults but we empathize with them. i can see someones character make up and think...he's really abrasive and controlling and always thinks he's right about everything and everyone else is stupid...which bothers me...but there are some really incredible traits that come from the same place...he wouldn't be so ambitious and responsible, confident...etc etc without those other things because they come from the same place...i do this with everyone i know...and it doesn't come from a judgy place...tho it may sound otherwise...it's just seeing them with all their strengths and weaknesses but understanding and accepting them...i find the whole beautiful...and real...i love the humanity of it. the authenticity...the flaws make you just as special and worthy of love and understanding...truly.

    but...i often feel that others don't view me/us in the same light...or with the same loving eyes and it's a lonely feeling...i think we're just as aware of how imperfect we are...we just want it to be accepted too.
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  5. #45
    Emperor/Dictator kyuuei's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elfboy View Post
    I'm not talking about an idiot so much as a shallow, ignorant person who would not be willing to hear my views and would be offended by my unconventional behavior. such a person is absolutely worthless to me and can provide no real benefit to me unless I hire them as a maid a hooker (either gender). I have no use or need for someone who can't make intelligent conversation or think outside of the brainwashed, politically correct box that most people are trapped in.
    To me, it seems unnecessary to remind people of flaws they're aware of..
    If they're an idiot and they know they're not on the smarter side of the spectrum: Telling them this over and over it's like telling someone overweight they're fat. It does NOTHING positive, for you or the other party..
    If they're an idiot and they have no idea: Telling them will only start an argument.. So you're not just "being honest" with them. No one calls another person an idiot to their face without being malicious about it.

    Now, on to the OP: If I wasn't ENFP, I'd probably complain about how I'm not ENFP. I'm okay with my type--everything has a balance to it. I like being extreme about this.. I like that my passion is there, even if I have to frequently calm it down for the sakes of social graces, and I love that I'm not "NT" smart. I don't think I'd get along with anyone at all if I had the arrogance of that sort of intelligence coupled with the blind determination I already have. The fact I'm smart in a completely different way seems to humble me--it's not always useful, so I step back and listen to others more. Things like that help a lot, whether we see it or not.
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  6. #46
    RETIRED CzeCze's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Orobas View Post
    Anyways, yeah, I'd rather be some other type that is more accepted by society.
    Some bitter opinionated people on an obscure online forum do not a society make.
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  7. #47
    Diving into Ni-space Crescent Fresh's Avatar
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    Knowing that how sensitive it is for both INFJ and ENFP to take any form of criticism, I can really empathize your pain. I honestly think that not all INTJ is as brutally cold as your INTJ, but perhaps you should take the lesson positively by cutting him out of your life. There's really no point to invest in a relationship with anyone who abhor people in this way.

    Though I'm not entirely sure if you'll come back to read this, I honestly think that life is much easier for being an ENFP. At least with your type, you'll have a lesser chance to face an obstacle in job hunting and building network. What's more, many people are naturally drawn to people with various facets of personalities which most ENFPs are skilled to apply them in the most appropriate situation accordingly. Also, ENFP is so empathetic yet they're not overtly emotional and that's what many people are drawn into.

    I hope you'll be able to regain your confidence in speedy recovery as that's what most ENFPs are good at. Contrastingly, I think being an INFJ is much harder as it'll take "much" longer time of recovery if I were in your shoes.

    Hope you'll feel better soon and just erase that guy out of your memory lane ASAP.

  8. #48
    Diving into Ni-space Crescent Fresh's Avatar
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    Btw, I know one thing for sure is that although INFJ + ENFP isn't the best type to be romantically involved, I consider them as one of the few types that I can trust them because they all tend to share a very kind-hearted soul.

    Hope that will make you feel better!

  9. #49
    You're fired. Lol. Antimony's Avatar
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    Antimony really wishes the ENFPs would stop hating themselves. Except for the ones that should hate themselves. But in general, Antimony thinks ENFPs are cool folk
    Excuse me, but does this smell like chloroform to you?

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  10. #50
    (blankpages) Xenon's Avatar
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    Huh. I've been dealing with some intense, self-pitying envy toward a particular person because of the natural strengths she has in areas that have caused me an endless amount of grief. I've had, almost verbatim, some of the same thoughts you've had toward others. (Everyone loves her...it's so effortless...how does she do it....) And guess what? She's an ENFP.

    "The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence" is a cliche for a reason. We often don't see other people's struggles nearly as easily as we see our own. And our own strengths often seem insignificant; they come so easily to us that it doesn't even occur to us that others might have a hard time in these areas. It can be very difficult for me to watch people who are naturally charming and engaging, who can just unhesitatingly chat up anyone in sight and draw people to them. I consider myself an intelligent person, but I can feel really stupid when I watch that sort of thing in action and compare myself to those people. They make it look so easy.

    And here you are dismissing those very things: I may be charming, but so what? I'm not "smart" like NTs. I may be good at being entertaining and getting along with people, but so what? I'm not "genuinely kind" like ENFJs. I really see no reason why the traits you value in others are so much more important than the ones you have. You may think 'so what, that's nothing!', but if you were very poor at getting along with people and couldn't be charming or entertaining to save your life, you wouldn't be brushing that stuff off as insignificant.

    Quote Originally Posted by Marmie Dearest View Post
    Well idiots are idiots, but you don't have to tell people they lack intelligence although they appear to be a pretty package. That's condescending and rude, unless the person is rude or mean to you first, it seems nasty and totally unnecessary.
    A number of people are blaming this guy for the OP feeling bad about herself. To be fair (and to throw another idea out there), we don't know what he actually said. According to the OP, he "implied" she had a number of good qualities but lacked intelligence. It's very possible he didn't mean that at all; he may have said something else that she took as an insult on her intelligence. When someone is prone to self-criticism and feeling worthless, it's easy to perceive others as being more judgmental than they are.

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