[ENFP] ENFPs and personality

[alcea rosea]

I think unconsistent is the word here. ENFP's are unconsistent in their behavior and that is the most charasteritic. The behavior is not the same in a long run but it varies depending on the people, situation, the mood and so on. I think some types are more consistent in their behavior, but ENFP's aren't one of those types.

But to know an ENFP, in my opinion, is much harder than with many other types. I mean ENFP's are chameleons that change color according to the situation and the people and are quite open in their communication and about their personality. But very rarely other people really take time to actually get to know another person, and to really know ENFP, deep down, that doesn't really happen too often in my experience. People just think they know you but actually they don't have a clue who you are. It's actually quite annoying. Somekind of miscommunication between openness and randomness of ENFP's behavior and unconsistency and being warm to people they meet (not all but most).

But this is my experience , don't really know if it's what you other ENFP's feel....?

 

[CzeCze]

I think unconsistent is the word here. ENFP's are unconsistent in their behavior and that is the most charasteritic. The behavior is not the same in a long run but it varies depending on the people, situation, the mood and so on. I think some types are more consistent in their behavior, but ENFP's aren't one of those types.

But to know an ENFP, in my opinion, is much harder than with many other types. I mean ENFP's are chameleons that change color according to the situation and the people and are quite open in their communication and about their personality. But very rarely other people really take time to actually get to know another person, and to really know ENFP, deep down, that doesn't really happen too often in my experience. People just think they know you but actually they don't have a clue who you are. It's actually quite annoying. Somekind of miscommunication between openness and randomness of ENFP's behavior and unconsistency and being warm to people they meet (not all but most).

But this is my experience , don't really know if it's what you other ENFP's feel....?

This is a problem I've realized as I do online dating. My profile keeps becoming more and more general to be agreeable to as many people as possible instead of actually saying who I want to date and what I'm like in a relationship. Then it gets unforgivably wordy.

I'm also SO primary so I adapt myself ALL THE TIME to the people around me. In some ways it's terrible as I can never feel totally at ease and I edit myself to make myself less offensive and more agreeable to what I think people want to see instead of just be me - which I think ultimately builds the strongest bonds anyways.

Bah.

BAH! I say.

 

[alcea rosea]

I'm also SO primary so I adapt myself ALL THE TIME to the people around me. In some ways it's terrible as I can never feel totally at ease and I edit myself to make myself less offensive and more agreeable to what I think people want to see instead of just be me - which I think ultimately builds the strongest bonds anyways.
.

Me too. It's like I disappear with people, and becoming/changing to the people that I am with, change myself to be the right kind in that situation. And when they leave and when I'm alone, I'm me again and everybody who saw me didn't really see me. But it is my problem as much as theirs. I need to stop loosing myself when other people around and on the other hand they (at least some of them) should take time to really know me. But this all comes so natural for me (changing according to the situation) that it is very difficult not to do it. A lot of learning ahead! Bah.

 

[CzeCze]

Me too. It's like I disappear with people, and becoming/changing to the people that I am with, change myself to be the right kind in that situation. And when they leave and when I'm alone, I'm me again and everybody who saw me didn't really see me. But it is my problem as much as theirs. I need to stop loosing myself when other people around and on the other hand they (at least some of them) should take time to really know me. But this all comes so natural for me (changing according to the situation) that it is very difficult not to do it. A lot of learning ahead! Bah.

Did you ever read "The Managed Heart"? It's a sociologist's book about the effects of the service industry on employees. Always having to be nice and accommodating (which is kinda bs in the states because most customer service people are NOT on point at any given time) led them to mask their feelings in real life.

I think I kinda do that. It kinda pisses me off.

But, apparently Te kicks in high gear as you get older so things should balance out nicely.

 

[alcea rosea]

Did you ever read "The Managed Heart"? It's a sociologist's book about the effects of the service industry on employees. Always having to be nice and accommodating (which is kinda bs in the states because most customer service people are NOT on point at any given time) led them to mask their feelings in real life.

I think I kinda do that. It kinda pisses me off.

But, apparently Te kicks in high gear as you get older so things should balance out nicely.

I haven't heard of that book, but I'll have to definitely to read it.

And I do that too. Very natural way of being for me, to "change myself" temporary and to put my own emotions down. Mask their emotions - that sound pretty familiar.

And it pisses me off too. We need to do ENFP revolution of not accomodating according to othe people.

 

[INTP]

yes, everyone does have different sides of them, but ENFPs have more

I dont think its more roles, but more like going on with the role more strongly, turning the role on easily and switching between these roles more rapidly. I think it has to do with the strong empathy that ENFPs have, taking the role so easily and strongly because of the strong mirroring of the other person

 

[Elfboy]

I dont think its more roles, but more like going on with the role more strongly, turning the role on easily and switching between these roles more rapidly. I think it has to do with the strong empathy that ENFPs have, taking the role so easily and strongly because of the strong mirroring of the other person

you would be incorrect. it's not dependent on who were're around much of the time

 

[INTP]

you would be incorrect. it's not dependent on who were're around much of the time

If you were on your normal happy mood and you met a friend who was in same mood. And what about if this friend of yours were crying and total emotional mess and ranting to you. Do you think you would have the same role in both situations? assuming that your mental state in both cases were the same. I think not and feom what i have seen ENFPs are really heavily affected by stuff like this.

I dont think this "role" is about faking(at least not always), but about relating to others and acting in certain ways in a compromise of mirroring the other person and own mental state. And ENFPs tend to put more weight on this empathy mirroring part than some other types

 

[Elfboy]

If you were on your normal happy mood and you met a friend who was in same mood. And what about if this friend of yours were crying and total emotional mess and ranting to you. Do you think you would have the same role in both situations? assuming that your mental state in both cases were the same. I think not and feom what i have seen ENFPs are really heavily affected by stuff like this.

I dont think this "role" is about faking(at least not always), but about relating to others and acting in certain ways in a compromise of mirroring the other person and own mental state. And ENFPs tend to put more weight on this empathy mirroring part than some other types

I respond to their emotional state, but I don't feel it myself. for instance, given your example of the crying friend, I would think "yay! finally a chance to be affectionate and comfort a friend! "

 

[INTP]

I respond to their emotional state, but I don't feel it myself. for instance, given your example of the crying friend, I would think "yay! finally a chance to be affectionate and comfort a friend! "

Okay, but im talking about how this relating to other happens. This respomding to other i think comes from what i said and this not feeling what the other person feels and responding to how you feel is the result of compromise that i said on other post.

Anyways you said that you take the role of nurturer when you see your friend crying, right? Now if you met other friend who was all happy, would you still take the role of nurturer? I doubt.

Then if you compare for example an INTP to ENFP and how easily they take this role of nurturer, INTP would need a stronger stimuli(friend feeling worse) to take this role. And the strenght of the role, ENFP would be more intense nurturer(stronger role) than an INTP.

 

[clairebear8]

YES! Ahh, it's causing me so many problems because I should be getting myself on a career path right now, but there are so many things I can see myself doing. It's not that I don't know who I am, but I don't know which part of myself to cater to/develop. It's also annoying because I may meet someone while in one mode, and then they expect that that's who I am, so they either don't bother getting to know the other sides, or pressure me to be that certain way always..

 

[Elfboy]

Okay, but im talking about how this relating to other happens. This respomding to other i think comes from what i said and this not feeling what the other person feels and responding to how you feel is the result of compromise that i said on other post.
Anyways you said that you take the role of nurturer when you see your friend crying, right? Now if you met other friend who was all happy, would you still take the role of nurturer? I doubt.
Then if you compare for example an INTP to ENFP and how easily they take this role of nurturer, INTP would need a stronger stimuli(friend feeling worse) to take this role. And the strenght of the role, ENFP would be more intense nurturer(stronger role) than an INTP.

actually, my natural tendency would be to do a 180 and become more introverted and slightly melancholy. I have this horrible natural instinct to always want to be in the opposite mood of those I'm around. for instance,during the first week of high school, most people were all shy and timid, so I was talkative, extroverted, outrageous and thinking "why the hell is everyone so damn boring?" when everyone did start talking/getting comfortable, I began thinking "wow, these people are stupid, I'm just going to daydream because I'm cooler than they are". that is not to say that I'm proud of this tendency, it's incredibly unproductive and draining to people, but it's something I have to deal with. perhaps this is just my 7w8 side wanting to make a scene? or maybe I'm an attention whoring 3w4 in counter passion "getting attention by ignoring people" mode

 

[Santosha]

I dont think its more roles, but more like going on with the role more strongly, turning the role on easily and switching between these roles more rapidly. I think it has to do with the strong empathy that ENFPs have, taking the role so easily and strongly because of the strong mirroring of the other person

I disagree. I find that ENTP's can also also be extremely dynamic. I think this is more Ne - P in general. Anyone can have strong empathy (thought you see it with feelers) . It seems that either Ne dom with poorly developed aux function seems to shift and change dramatically. This is because they are anchoring them to only the external moment or stimuli without weighing it up with fi or ti. Explain why your attributing this to emapthy, cause I'm not following....

 

[Elfboy]

I disagree. I find that ENTP's can also also be extremely dynamic. I think this is more Ne - P in general. Anyone can have strong empathy (thought you see it with feelers) . It seems that either Ne dom with poorly developed aux function seems to shift and change dramatically. This is because they are anchoring them to only the external moment or stimuli without weighing it up with fi or ti. Explain why your attributing this to emapthy, cause I'm not following....

ENTPs are more consistent though. they lack the depth dimension that Fi gives to ENFPs

 

[A window to the soul]

ENTPs are more consistent though. they lack the depth dimension that Fi gives to ENFPs

Whoa, I see what you mean. It's like wearing 3D glasses.

[Your Fi really pops.]

 

[Santosha]

I dunno. I agree that they don't flux in the emotional sense like we do, but I've seen ENTP's be extremely contradictory in their roles. I knew one ENTP that went from going to school as a philosophy major, really liberal and soft-science focused, to joining the army, to getting kicked out of the army for selling ecstacy where he was stationed, to developing a drug addiction, to getting drug treatment and joining up with a strong organized religion, all in about 18 months. Ofcourse this can be attributed to being young, or directionless, or addicted to drugs.. but it's definately not the first ENTP I've seen flip sides dramatically. *shrugs*

 

[Santosha]

my point is, that if it is ONLY atributed to empathy.. why don't we see INFP's as so dynamic? Or do we? I really think it links back to Ne dom.

 

[Elfboy]

Whoa, I see what you mean. It's like wearing 3D glasses.

[Your Fi really pops.]

I didn't word that too well. ENTPs are intellectually deep, but not usually emotionally deep like ENFPs are. ENTPs are much more consistent behaviorally usually easy to spot; ENFPs can look like anything from Ellen Digeneres to Darth Vader to Casanova

 

[Lady_X]

Okay, but im talking about how this relating to other happens. This respomding to other i think comes from what i said and this not feeling what the other person feels and responding to how you feel is the result of compromise that i said on other post.

Anyways you said that you take the role of nurturer when you see your friend crying, right? Now if you met other friend who was all happy, would you still take the role of nurturer? I doubt.

Then if you compare for example an INTP to ENFP and how easily they take this role of nurturer, INTP would need a stronger stimuli(friend feeling worse) to take this role. And the strenght of the role, ENFP would be more intense nurturer(stronger role) than an INTP.

totally agreed...and certain people can flip your silly switch and others never do...or someone can put you into intellectual, philosophical mode just as others only see you as light and easy breezy...or whatever...it's certainly not intentional...and i often have the experience of wishing i could be certain ways with someone that i am with someone else...but...it just never comes..

 

[Elfboy]

my point is, that if it is ONLY atributed to empathy.. why don't we see INFP's as so dynamic? Or do we? I really think it links back to Ne dom.

I agree, saying it's because of empathy alone is an F generalization. I think what it is is that other than the E, everything else about us is I. Ne is ambiverted, Fi is highly introverted, Te is more geared toward problem solving than people. these 3 functions also have drastically different effects on the personality