I had her take the test recently, and her MBTI is INFJ.
I've never been in a relationship, I've never kissed a girl or even held a girls hand so all this is new to me.
Even though I've never had a relationship, it's not as if I've never had the chance. I've just come to realize that it takes more than looks for me to like a girl contrary to what my younger self believed.
I met this girl in college approximately 2 years ago. She's 21 and I'm 23. We were more acquaintances than anything during those years. We would grab lunches between classes here and there, have study groups, and a few times walk around the city just chatting. She's always had a boyfriend since I've known her but they broke up recently (two months now). My educated guess is that they were together for about 3 years give or take. She used to invite me out with her and the bf a lot but I only met him once since I didn't feel comfortable being a third wheel. They still keep in touch and hangout which is expected since they've been dating since high school and they run in the same social circle.
From what I've gathered, she is independent, friendly, VERY mature (unlike the other early 20's females who claim to be), intelligent, genuine, introverted, hardworking, and open minded. She's very much a country/nature girl while I'm an urban city guy. She came to the city for school/the ex was here for school so that was a big part of why she came. She has never cancelled on me except the one time her dog had to go to the hospital and if she's running late, she always lets me know. I've never introduced her to any of my friends because well...all we really do is smoke weed, play games, and watch TV.
Her ex has been gone the past few weeks and came back the weekend that just passed. Since he's been gone, I've been getting to know her a lot better and I'm beginning to have feelings for her. I know she needs time to get over the ex and I'm not trying to force the issue or anything but I just need advice on what I should be doing. In her words, they're "just friends."
I first took her to a Broadway show just because I wanted to go and my friends aren't into that. I figured it would help her get her mind off the breakup. We went, had a good time, grabbed a quick bite to eat afterwards, drank a little, and I drove her home.
We went to watch a indie flick which turned out to be pretty good. We had time to kill so we walked around the neighborhood, grabbed a bite to eat. She walked/stood relatively close, invading my personal space which I'm not used to. Our hands brushed a few times, and I was sort of tempted to hold her hand but I didn't. Stayed in the theater for a bit after it ended and started talking about religion, god, beliefs, etc. Both of us turn out to be agnostic/atheist. She invited me to her place a few days later to watch a movie and smoke with her and her roommate. We all began to fall asleep during the movie so I left pretty early and met up with my friends.
She drunk dialed me a couple days after that about 4 in the morning. I had just gotten home so I didn't mind the call. It was mostly her talking, and after we hung up, we continued the conversation online till 5am when she passed out.
We went to the zoo on Saturday and spent the whole day together pretty much. The 5 hours we spent together flew by quickly. I don't remember every little detail but she was laughing/giggling ALOT at the things I was saying. They weren't even jokes, just how I normally talk. She asked if I wanted to share an ice cream, I agreed. I thought she'd get two spoons but nope, she got one and we both used it. She would also take my water and drink it like it was hers. Not that I mind, but I'm not used to that.
I've never been a touchy feely guy but now that I look back on it, there were definitely times during the zoo trip that she was standing close enough or in a position where I could've initiated something such as lending her a hand to help her up a somewhat steep mini hill. There were plenty of casual touches throughout our hangouts, but I don't think they were significant enough to mean anything. Such as sharing food, reaching for my phone when I'm driving, walking next to each other, etc.
I could never tell the difference between being friendly vs. interested, and as my friends tell me, I often see things that aren't there and often mistaken friendliness for more so I'm not too keen on getting my hopes up. The other "bad signs" is that she has referred to me as 'friend' on more than one occasion. The ex came back, and as much as I like spending time with her, I don't want to be there when the ex is there (I can't help it).
She had to write a long paper so I told her to call me if she's still up. She ended up calling me at 1am and we talked for a little bit. I was drunk at the bar so I don't really remember what I was saying. But I do remember saying "Well, I'd definitely really like to see you again before the semester starts." (In my head, I was assuming it would be the following week.)
She texts me early afternoon about some random thing. We text back and forth a few times, and I asked her when she gets off but she didn't respond so it was w/e. She originally had plans to go to a comedy show, but she 'wasn't in the mood', so she changed her plans to watching a movie at her friends. (Which she didn't go because she was already with me by the time she was supposed to be at her friends.) So, she ended up calling me after ignoring my text and we went out that Friday night. She invited a friend of hers last minute but he ended up not coming. Went to shoot pool + drink a little, and grabbed pizza at the end. I tried to find opportunities to make a move, and tried to gauge her level of attraction both of which came up negative. Took a picture of each other shooting pool. She used the one I took of her as a FB picture right away.
Music was loud at the pool hall so we drank a little, shot pool, and talked minimally. Afterwards, we grabbed a slice, talked till they kicked us out for closing. Got back in the car, and we ended up sitting there for an hour talking about really personal stuff (even more personal than the first time) till I drove her home.
I ended up sharing stuff with her that even my closest friends don't know. I think she did the same. She told me things about her father (memories) and her family (problems and whatnot) before her father passed. How she never had a sense of home since she moved so much + the pride she used to take in being able to stay disconnected from people in general. (I am/was the same way) We also talked about our fears among MANY MANY other things which I would not be able to type into a paragraph. Shared our 'culture' with each other. I'm a urban Asian kid, and she's a suburban half white/half black girl, so it was a very interesting, vulnerable, open discussion.
With each meetup, she opens up more and more. At first it was the typical "How was work? How was your day? What'd you do this week?" It slowly turned into more serious topics, goals in life, beliefs, our families. I love our conversations. It is a huge change from the other girls I talk to who yap all day about nothing. I actually have respect for this girl, she doesn't come off as a dumb brick like many other young females I've come across. The only times where I sort of blank out and stare into space is when she brings up her ex (which she does pretty often).
I don't know what the deal is now, but I feel that I SHOULD be losing interest in her. I've been thinking about this the whole day, and I'm getting the feeling that I have to start 'protecting' myself from her or at the very least be wary of her. My guess is that because now she knows all my major thoughts, fears, experiences, personal things that I've hidden deep inside that makes me who I am today. In other words, I feel like she knows too much, and my trust issues are acting up.
The ex came back, they went to pick him up and then went out for drinks + pool. She invited me to go, but needless to say that I didn't.
The more I think about it, I realize she's a very 'take-charge' type of person which I admire since I'm very indecisive. Thinking back, on most of our outings, she was usually the one that led the way in what I perceived as random walking. There were other moments too. Because of this, I feel that if she WAS interested, it wouldn't be what I see now as mixed signals, she'd either let me know, or it'd be fairly obvious. She also said she wasn't the type of person to go on dates with random people, and that she is supposedly the friends first type.
I should also add that there were probably some things that I shouldn't have told her but did anyway. Take from that what you will.
Talked to her online. We were supposed to get together on Thursday and do something but she had to cancel since her mom is visiting so it's understandable.
I apologized for barraging her with questions and talking too much that night (8/19/11) but she said she wasn't uncomfortable and "even if she wasn't drunk she wouldn't have been". We ended the convo cause she went to meet her ex to grab food.
Yesterday, we had an earthquake in the northeast, and we felt it in New York. After I made sure my parents were alright, I texted her. We went back and forth for a little bit until she ignored my last text again. But ended up calling me 1-2 hours later and made sure I was alright. (This left a big smile on my face.)
Oh, did I mention she's taller than me by an inch or two? Lol.
I definitely don't want to be a rebound.
I kind of want to make a move but not sure how to go about it...
I've been paying for alot of the outings. Tickets, etc. She usually pays for the food.
Thanks if you've read all of it.
Thoughts of any kind or advice would be greatly appreciated!