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  1. #1
    Professional Trickster Esoteric Wench's Avatar
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    Default Dear INFJ Gentlemen, you are NOT ESTPs... So quit acting like it!

    "Dear INFJ Gentlemen, you are NOT ESTPs... So quit acting like it!"

    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
    Let me be the first to point out that the above statement does not apply to all INFJ gentlemen. And the ones it does apply to, it doesn't apply all the time. Nonetheless, I feel like it has to be said.

    I've seen several INFJ gentlemen in my acquaintance act like the most obnoxious... well like really obnoxious ESTPs. (No offense to ESTPs. I'm not talking about a normal, mentally-healthy ESTP.) I'm talking about people acting out their shadow functions. According to Jung, everyone has a shadow aspect to their personality that consists of repressed weaknesses, shortcomings, and instincts. For an INFJ, their shadow functions are embodied in an ESTP's dominant functions.

    Some - but not all - of the behavior I've noticed includes blatant womanizing and a really annoying BMOC (big-man-on-campus) attitude. It's sort of like they are trying so hard... too hard... to not be the sweet, sensitive, quiet guys they were born to be.

    I've often thought that INFJ men were dealt a tough hand. In fact, our culture teaches men to be as un-INFJ as possible doesn't it? That's gotta be a real mind f*ck to the heterosexual male INFJ mindset.

    The same could be said for all NF males. But I think that INFJ and INFP males have a particularly tough time of it. But I've only noticed this "shadow embracing" pattern in INFJ males. (Admittedly my anecdotal evidence is based on a small sample set. There are so few INFJ males out there.)

    This won't be the first thread on how one struggles with being an NF male. And it won't be the last. I guess I was hoping for advice on how to be a good friend to my INFJ male friends when they are feeling the weight of society's expectations on them. Up until this point, the only thing I can think of is to whack 'em on the back of the head in the way Gibbs does to DiNozzo on NCIS.
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  2. #2
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    How sure are you that they actually are INFJs? That would be my first question. It seems weird that there'd be a bunch of INFJ men running around in extreme shadow mode.
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  3. #3
    insert random title here Randomnity's Avatar
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    ^^that was my first thought as well. I've never really agreed with the shadow mode stuff, with the possible exception of extremely unhealthy (i.e. very rare) people.
    -end of thread-

  4. #4
    Senior Member uncommonentity's Avatar
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    I know INFJs who've bedded more women/men in one month than an estp does their entire life. It's the introverted intuition. They do have the absolute capability to be a complete and utter sociopath. They may never actually be ESTP but they sure as hell can pull off acting and getting the same or better results as one. Same with INTJs.

    It's a dr jekyll and mr hyde scenario everytime. We both have the capacity to either be the nicest guy on the planet and raise hell on earth. I'm not sure why it bothers you so much though. I'll shed some light on the situation. Nothing an INTJ/INFJ male (or female as I do know some wild ones) does requires any 'trying' trust me on that one. There's no extra effort in being evil as there is being angelic. We're like angels with the capacity to crush skulls. You'll come to find we prefer rockin' it out on the angel side of things but we do crush a few skulls along the way. It's not so much denial as it is an ability. There's a reason our types are linked to serial killers and it's the ability to both charm and slay.
    Veni, Vidi, Cessi.

  5. #5
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Yeah, I see this..... I don't see them acting like ESTPs so much as wannabe SPs. They want to be seen as in-the-know, able to mentally/emotionally handle intense/difficult physical feats off the cuff, cultivating hobbies which are very "tangible". Whereas that seems natural in SPs, it seems contrived in them. I think this is especially common with INFJs males because of the pull of Fe to meet cultural standards & the male ideal. I see it waaaay less with female INFJs.

    My INFJ definitely has a wannabe SP side. I've seen many SPs with a wannabe NJ side too. They tout their spirituality & try & seem deep, but it's cheesy. I think they probably make good suckers for NJ con-men.

    It's funny, because I DON'T see this with NPs & SJs so much. It seems that they are repelled by their inferior functions, but SPs & NJs are fascinated with theirs (and each other). Of course that is a generalization & does not hold true for all.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

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  6. #6
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    I've seen an INFP on this site talk like that, I won't mention his name, but I want to push him down the stairs.

    When men pretend to be what they *think* an ESTP is (not what an ESTP necessarily really is) they usually just come across as loser douchebags.

    I usually am not sexually attracted to NF men anyway, but I'm not claiming that *only* NF men engage in this behavior. I guess any insecure introvert could, including an INTJ or INTP.

    ISFJs, on the other hand, might be more inclined to mimic xSTJs, in my experience.

  7. #7
    You're fired. Lol. Antimony's Avatar
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    I've seen an ENFP act like that. Or ENFJ? Anyway, it is revolting, because I love NF guys.

    On that note, I wonder what types tend to act like when they think they are being k00l.
    Excuse me, but does this smell like chloroform to you?

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  8. #8
    Undisciplined Starry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Randomnity View Post
    ^^that was my first thought as well. I've never really agreed with the shadow mode stuff, with the possible exception of extremely unhealthy (i.e. very rare) people.
    I never believed in this 'shadow-mode stuff' either because I had never witnessed it in myself or others...until...oddly enough...I saw it plain-as-day in an...INFJ male (of all things).

    When under what I feel was extreme stress for him...a switch would flip...and he was no longer this awesome, thoughtful dude...but rather...like EW described and I think it fits...he took on this 'big-man-on-campus' type persona. His voice would become so loud...and he would be yucking-it-up with everyone...flirting with all the ladies in a contrived way...it was very bizarre and quite the sight to behold.

  9. #9
    Ginkgo
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    They'll do what they want and there's no way you can stop them; your struggles are delightful.

  10. #10
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    It's not a matter of them doing what they want or people trying to stop them...at least not in my case. I just think it makes guys seem obnoxious and retarded, not attractive.

    I'm not attracted to it, I think it's lame.

    It's like watching some nerd try to emulate PUA.

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