to the bolded, i understand that, some of my closest friends say that about me.
Originally Posted by StarryKnights
the weird thing is there's also a handful of people who would say they can talk
about anything to me, even the sad stuff (i'm actually really good with the sad
stuff if i say so myself hee hee).
because when i was little, oh boy. i listened to everybody, helped everybody.
my dad used to call me 'ann landers' (she's an agony aunt, i don't know if
you're old enough to recall hee hee). but the trouble is i'd emotionally invest
when i helped people or listen to their problems, and it must be a mix of
defense mechanisms and just growing up and paying more attention to myself
that makes me more selective at what sort of issues i want to jump in and
help. (this is also why i thought i was an e2 for a long time).
i don't think i'm able to pinpoint the exact criteria that makes me receptive to
other people's problem, but i'll generalise and say it's a wavelength thing.
if i feel that our general expectations of the tone and manner of the conversation
is somewhat in the same book--not necessarily the same page. i'm more than
happy to listen.
ie. if friend a's husband beats the shit out of her, yet she goes back 'because he will change'
i kinda slink away and really am not interested to hear anything.
but if friend b's husband also beats the shit out of her, and friend is trying to come up
with an exit plan, i'm all over that.
does that make sense? hahaha i dunno why i picked that as examples. hahahaha.
it's kinda gross how much i like to help out actually. i don't doubt my capability
of being a good listener, and at the same time those aren't really the things i need
to be affirmed about, that's why sometimes it feels hard to talk to me. (my mother
tells me this ALL the time, that's i'm so independent she just doesn't know where
she fits in my life... but that's another story...)
the questioning bit: i'm like that too. it's a mix really of 1. if you don't know by now, then
you probably won't get it or 2. a simple: you don't get it (but it's okay you don't have to,
i still like you). and i know it can be terrible at times, and it's definitely a reflection of a lot
of stuff i've had to learn growing up (the hardest thing about growing up is reality) :
one of the steepest hills i had to trek was to acknowledge that people don't
just 'get it' right away / can't read my mind even though they are close to me,
and it's not because they don't like me less, or their liking me isn't genuine, they're
just different (it used to make me very sad that people i loved didn't quite understand
me and i had a hard time understanding why they didn't). again, it's because it's natural
for me to just sense things about people even though i often can't articulate it out.
(goes back to how i just get 'vibes' about people')
i'm also so aware of my own inconsistencies and set of all these unspoken 'guidelines'
i have at times and yet be so oblivious in particular moments too.
i'll tell you something. in terms of affirmation that really *oof*
Originally Posted by StarryKnights
makes my heart skip a beat (in a good way)... the bolded. i think it's
not only the content. but the speaker/conveyor matters too. my dad is actually
the only person who can say stuff like that to me and omg. waterfall
even though i always blink my tears away before anybody can see.
always brave face on, you know? even though the people that know
me really well know that inside, i just ... ick. sensitive. gross.