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  1. #1
    Senior Member Lily flower's Avatar
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    Default ENFJ explain this

    Ok, please explain this. My husband and I have an ENFJ friend, who has been our friend for at least a decade. Several times in the last couple of years he has come to us "enlightened" about our relationship.

    The conversation usually goes along the lines of "I never realized until now how special our friendship is." or "I just realized what an amazing bond we all have." Each time he sounds really surprised, like he never thought of it before.

    I don't really get it, because on our side, we have always known that we have something great. And I don't understand why it keeps happening. Does he forget in between that we are great friends, and then realize it again?

  2. #2
    Senior Member Lily flower's Avatar
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    Here's another thing I don't get. This has happened several times. He comes to me with a major problem/issue in his life. I respond by giving a lot of compassion/empathy/supportiveness. Then he responds the next day, something along the line of "Oh, you misunderstood. It's not a big deal at all. I'm handling everything and it's really nothing."

    Am I not supposed to respond with empathy and compassion? Would he prefer if I told him to "buck up?" Am I supposed to downplay the problem?

  3. #3
    Lungs & Lips Locked Unkindloving's Avatar
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    Hm. I think for ENFJ creatures, being that we are out absorbing social information fairly frequently, the good becomes more unveiled as we witness all of the bad outside of our relationships. I doubt your ENFJ forgets it really. It's probably more a case of becoming aware of how rare really close bonds with people can be, especially over time.
    It's just commong for us to cycle through and observe a lot of people, and many people have bad relationships with one another and themselves. It's disappointing and can be a good deal of a drain on our hope for social harmony on the whole, so when we have a moment to think about the people who are nearer and dearer to us, they are shown in such a brighter light. On top of that revitalized thought process is how we are filled with emotional intensity that travels straight to our core and gets amplified, so it's like the first Christmas morning all over again in the starry-eyed sense, but also so appreciative.

    Hm a bit difficult for me to explain, but I've had the feeling in regard to my friendships. There's always the background thought of "Oh yeah, of course my friends are awesome. Duh." but sometimes there is just something that lights that spark of " Oh my god, what we have is so amazing and I'm so grateful for it"
    We really tend to cherish, and the intensity of it comes in bursts.
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  4. #4
    Lungs & Lips Locked Unkindloving's Avatar
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    As per the problems, eh along the lines of the emotional intensity business. With issues, it can be the end of the world when we are stressing over something, but the second we have properly vented or determined a course of action.. it's like instant relief.
    I always call us emotional timebombs. We go zero to nuclear and back to zero. Were I you, I would talk to the ENFJ about it, and see if it pertains to the how we amplify our feelings and rationalize them out back and forth. It could also be a potential masculinity thing, but I really don't know enough to throw out more than ideas.
    Hang on traveling woman - Don't sacrifice your plan
    Cause it will come back to you - Before you lose it on the man


    .:: DWTWD ::.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]


    2011 TypeC Exercise Challenge - My Weekly Goals: Cardio 4x. Yoga/Pilates 1x. Pushups 70.

    There is this thing keeping everyone's lungs and lips locked - It is called fear and it's seeing a great renaissance

  5. #5
    Senior Member Lily flower's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Unkindloving View Post
    Hm. I think for ENFJ creatures, being that we are out absorbing social information fairly frequently, the good becomes more unveiled as we witness all of the bad outside of our relationships. I doubt your ENFJ forgets it really. It's probably more a case of becoming aware of how rare really close bonds with people can be, especially over time.
    It's just commong for us to cycle through and observe a lot of people, and many people have bad relationships with one another and themselves. It's disappointing and can be a good deal of a drain on our hope for social harmony on the whole, so when we have a moment to think about the people who are nearer and dearer to us, they are shown in such a brighter light. On top of that revitalized thought process is how we are filled with emotional intensity that travels straight to our core and gets amplified, so it's like the first Christmas morning all over again in the starry-eyed sense, but also so appreciative.

    Hm a bit difficult for me to explain, but I've had the feeling in regard to my friendships. There's always the background thought of "Oh yeah, of course my friends are awesome. Duh." but sometimes there is just something that lights that spark of " Oh my god, what we have is so amazing and I'm so grateful for it"
    We really tend to cherish, and the intensity of it comes in bursts.
    Thanks! That really does explain a lot. And I like the idea of being a Christmas present!

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