I've recently become really good friends with an INFJ. His wife is also an NF of some sort in my estimation. We've had some really good conversations and become very good friends in a relatively short amount of time. He lost his job recently for trying to be ethical and "blowing the whistle" on something he knew was going on in the workplace and he got shown the door in short order.
I spent a good amount of time consoling him. He's really taking it hard, saying things like, "I'm not a good father because I didn't consider my children's welfare before blowing the whistle. I just pictured myself as the 'white knight' who was doing the right thing and now I'm nothing but a jobless father who didn't put his kids first." Or, "They'd all probably be better off without me."
I mean, hours and hours of "I can't believe how stupid I am." I totally feel for him and want to be there as much as I can, but anything I say he just reverts back to "how stupid he is and he can't believe what he did".
I'm obviously not going to snap him out of it by encouraging him, so what is the best thing a friend can do here? Just continue to listen? I told him to give me a call anytime or e-mail me if he needs support and he said he'd surely take me up on that.
Is it just one of those things that will take time for him to come to grips with? Can NF's (or INFJ's) get into a self-condemning loop where they talk and think poorly of themselves?
At first I tried to just listen, understand, encourage, support, and build him up. But, after seeing that it seemingly wasn't helping, I tried to teach him an NT trick: detach yourself from taking it personal. I basically said, "Take your time and grieve for a few weeks. Spend time with your family and those you love. Re-evaluate your life and what is most important and dear to you. Then begin to move in that direction. Use this as a fresh start; a new lease on life. Turn bad into good. But, don't take this so personally. You're a good man, you're a good husband and father. You made a mistake. It's OK. But whether it's right now, or in a couple weeks, or in a month, at some point you will want to put it behind you and realize that it's now a part of your past. For the sake of your family and your own sanity, you'll want to begin looking forward so that you can be productive again."
And he'd just say, "Yeah, I just don't know."
What else can I do here NF's to be there for this family?