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Thread: Consoling an NF

  1. #41
    Senior Member Array INTPness's Avatar
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    Jan 2009


    Quote Originally Posted by sciski View Post
    Do you know what his wife thinks/feels about the situation?
    The answer is here:

    Quote Originally Posted by 21% View Post
    Yes, if his wife is quietly (or not so quietly) resentful of what he did, nothing you say will help! But you said she was an NF -- so she might understand? (That said, NFs in mom-mode could be very judgmental about things that jeopardize their children's well-being)
    Have you communicated that you respect what he did? Support and approval (for the principle of what he did, if not the result) from his closest friends and especially family could really help.
    I told him that he stood up for what he believed in, but I don't think I emphasized it enough. I spent 75% of the time listening, telling him it was going to work out in the long run, you are very important to your kids/family, they need you, you need to do some therapeutic activities, etc. 20% of "OK, I can help you with a plan of action. Here's what we can do. A, B, C, or D? Do any of those sound good? Let's make it happen!" 5% of "you just stood up for what you believed in. There's nothing wrong with that."

    As for the Fe/Fi debate, he sounds Fe... if he was Fi dominant, chances are he would not be beating himself up over standing up for his values. He's probably now feeling the bite of taking an Fi sort of action, and Fi feels pretty bad for IxFJs (ie, "I am a selfish jerk! How dare I only think about myself!").
    He's definitely an "I", definitely an "N", definitely an "F", and definitely a "J". Definitely Fe. No real signs of Ne or Te.
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  2. #42


    Yes opposition from close ones can be quite of a blow to strong Fe users because they tend to hold those people in high esteem and in a twisted way can view it as "failing" them no matter how noble the cause. The perceived failure can irrationally outweigh the objectivity of the situation. They tend to internalize it and beat themselves up about it. Unless he's prone to depression, he will get over it with due time.

  3. #43
    Emperor/Dictator Array kyuuei's Avatar
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    Aug 2008


    Was I the only one that thought "Why didn't he utilize the whistleblowers protection act?"
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  4. #44


    Quote Originally Posted by kyuuei View Post
    Was I the only one that thought "Why didn't he utilize the whistleblowers protection act?"
    Whoa, thanks for that. You learn something new everyday.

    This is from the Department of Labor:

  5. #45
    Diving into Ni-space Array Crescent Fresh's Avatar
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    Mar 2011


    I think for INFJs, they are not prone to sudden change--and often felt stress about it.

    Your friend were kind of fencing if he should stand up for his belief or just ignore it before he got fired. Though he might act on impulse and he probably knew that, along with the burden to be the breadwinner of the family, he might be feeling guilty of his impulse instead.

    Though INFJs tend to need a lengthy amount of time to 'regroup' themselves in such chaotic situation, and that they are not really good at dealing with how to resolve the 'present' situation as they often live in the past (regrets) and future (ideals). The repetitive Fe of showing signs of regrets is actually an indication that they're completely lost and didn't know how to set a direction to move on with their lives.

    If I were you, instead of listening to his rants, I might try to help him to 'focus' on things which he needs to do. Perhaps this could be a turning point for him to start a career change? Then if you're able to help him to break down what other options he have at this moment, it might help him to regain his focus on the immediate things like changing his resume or seeking for a career consultant?

    Basically, when INFJ felt stressed out, they often do not know what and how to start. The repetitive ranting/venting is a strong sign that they need guidance or consultation (usually from friends who bonded strongly) to help them straighten out their lives.

    So just be there fore him, and he's really lucky to have a friend like you.

  6. #46
    Senior Member Array animenagai's Avatar
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    Aug 2008


    Yeah I dunno where elfboy is getting his psychic type reads from -.-

    Back to the topic, I'm not sure how to console the other NF types, but as an ENFP, I just want you to a) listen to me and b) get me back on my feet again, mood wise. I want a friendly, positive and patient pair of ears; the rest will sort itself out.
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  7. #47
    Senior Member Array KDude's Avatar
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    Jan 2010


    I'm not sure I really want to be "consoled" most of the time. I like to be listened to and respected if I have an issue, but I don't think need much more than that. Sometimes discussions get too close for comfort.. and sometimes people's advice revolves around wanting to "kick you out of a funk" immediately and doing something (which can be annoying sometimes.. if I even vented at all, then I just want to talk for the sake of it. Maybe that's weak "Te". I'm not instantly mindful to so called productive solutions to everything). Most of my complaints are about "why", not what I need to do. And if there is consoling, it's when someone can help there.

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