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Thread: Consoling an NF

  1. #31
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Saturned View Post
    It's also about the fact that the guy is under a ton of stress (cough, shadow functions, cough). When I am super stressed I turn super Fe and Ni blackhole and drive myself insane and (most likely) everyone within a 40 mile psychic radius.

    It's also about the fact that I would weigh the opinion of someone who has spent weeks with the guy over one random comment . (If an Ne user like an INTP hasn't seen Ne pong from his INF friend, then they aren't an INFP.)

    But this really digresses from the main point of this thread since consoling an INFP and INFJ really aren't that different. What INTPness is doing sounds just fine. People have spent thousands of years comforting each other without the hindrance of personality type theory. I think anyone would appreciate having someone who is willing to listen, offer support, and then going to do an activity.

    TL;DR: I like rocks.
    Yes, I was told that I sounded more INFP-like/Fi user at least once when I posted on this forum feeling rather distressed and saying that my feelings had been invalidated by a friend. I believe the thread was "please let me feel what I feel" or something like that.

    I can easily go into that mode if I'm distressed and I feel like someone is telling me to "stop feeling" a certain way. But I'm not that attached to my feelings otherwise, I mainly view them as something to work with. It's more like "damn, I wish I could stop feeling this way because it's so destructive and I feel crappy...but I can't, I can't, I can't." Being told to stop feeling like that in that situation is no help at all because I desperately want to but it's not just like throwing a switch. It just feels even more frustrating to be told that.

    I think that's probably the only time on this forum that anyone has suggested I'm anything other than INFJ. And I can see how it would happen in that situation but that doesn't change the fact that day to day I act much more like an INFJ than an INFP!
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  2. #32
    Glycerine
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    Although the type doesn't really matter, the stress mechanisms described in the OP seemed much more aligned with NFJs than with the NFPs I have known.
    Last edited by Glycerine; 08-16-2011 at 05:13 PM.

  3. #33
    You have a choice! 21%'s Avatar
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    He didn't 'mess up'. The world is messed up for punishing whistle-blowers. In a way, he did the right thing, and is setting a good example for his children to become good people later in life. I'd rather have my dad lose his job than tolerating something immoral at his workplace. I would be proud of him -- even if that means we are set back financially. I think he needs to realize this, and at the same time realize that the world is NOT fair. Navigate it. Make it work.

    Could it be that one of the main things is that he is depressed by the fact that "the bad guys won"? This makes the world a terrible, meaningless place. No, the bad guys didn't win. He probably inspired a lot of people at his workplace. Years later, someone else would be saying "There was a guy who stood up and did what he thought was right. He got fired. I was too cowardly to do the same thing at that time, but I wish I did." And that might give them courage to stand up and do the right thing in the future.

    The only thing that will make the situation better is him finding a new job. Encourage him to do so. Like I said, the world isn't fair. He needs to know that he did the right thing. And the only thing that will ensure that "the bad guys didn't win" is for him to move on and create a better life for himself and his family.
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  4. #34
    Senior Member INTPness's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 21% View Post
    He didn't 'mess up'. The world is messed up for punishing whistle-blowers. In a way, he did the right thing, and is setting a good example for his children to become good people later in life. I'd rather have my dad lose his job than tolerating something immoral at his workplace. I would be proud of him -- even if that means we are set back financially. I think he needs to realize this, and at the same time realize that the world is NOT fair. Navigate it. Make it work.

    Could it be that one of the main things is that he is depressed by the fact that "the bad guys won"? This makes the world a terrible, meaningless place. No, the bad guys didn't win. He probably inspired a lot of people at his workplace. Years later, someone else would be saying "There was a guy who stood up and did what he thought was right. He got fired. I was too cowardly to do the same thing at that time, but I wish I did." And that might give them courage to stand up and do the right thing in the future.

    The only thing that will make the situation better is him finding a new job. Encourage him to do so. Like I said, the world isn't fair. He needs to know that he did the right thing. And the only thing that will ensure that "the bad guys didn't win" is for him to move on and create a better life for himself and his family.
    Yeah, I don't necessarily think he messed up. I'm kind of proud of the guy to be honest. But, he kept saying that he messed up because he should have known he would have gotten fired. He said he considered it, but didn't think it was a real possibility. And when it happened, it shocked him. And so he keeps saying that he messed up and made a stupid mistake - not because of blowing the whistle, but because he didn't consider his kids. It's one of those situations that, in my opinion, he stood up for the right thing, but if I would have done what he did, I would fully expect to get fired. The fact that he "didn't think he would actually get fired" is the surprising part to me.
    NTJ's are the only types that have ever made me feel emo.
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  5. #35
    You have a choice! 21%'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTPness View Post
    Yeah, I don't necessarily think he messed up. I'm kind of proud of the guy to be honest. But, he kept saying that he messed up because he should have known he would have gotten fired. He said he considered it, but didn't think it was a real possibility. And when it happened, it shocked him. And so he keeps saying that he messed up and made a stupid mistake - not because of blowing the whistle, but because he didn't consider his kids. It's one of those situations that, in my opinion, he stood up for the right thing, but if I would have done what he did, I would fully expect to get fired. The fact that he "didn't think he would actually get fired" is the surprising part to me.
    Sometimes NFs have a problem grasping how cruel the world can be
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  6. #36
    Senior Member INTPness's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 21% View Post
    Sometimes NFs have a problem grasping how cruel the world can be
    Mustering all of my Fe might:

    NTJ's are the only types that have ever made me feel emo.
    ENP's are the only types that have ever made me feel like a sensor.


    There are two great days in a person's life - the day we are born and the day we discover why. --William Barclay

  7. #37
    You have a choice! 21%'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTPness View Post
    Mustering all of my Fe might:

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  8. #38
    Senior Member sciski's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTPness View Post
    Yeah, I don't necessarily think he messed up. I'm kind of proud of the guy to be honest.
    I'd be proud of him too. Do you know what his wife thinks/feels about the situation? Have you communicated that you respect what he did? Support and approval (for the principle of what he did, if not the result) from his closest friends and especially family could really help. Reiterate that he is not a fortuneteller or mind reader... he could not have known they would react that way. His fault was assuming they were better people than they were.

    As for the Fe/Fi debate, he sounds Fe... if he was Fi dominant, chances are he would not be beating himself up over standing up for his values. He's probably now feeling the bite of taking an Fi sort of action, and Fi feels pretty bad for IxFJs (ie, "I am a selfish jerk! How dare I only think about myself!").

  9. #39
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    If ever there was a reason to be fired, it is this one.

    He's not incompetent, unwanted, useless. He's just too good for that place.

    Best reason to get sacked, EVER.

    He should hold his chin high. He's earned it.
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  10. #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by sciski View Post
    Do you know what his wife thinks/feels about the situation? Have you communicated that you respect what he did? Support and approval (for the principle of what he did, if not the result) from his closest friends and especially family could really help. Reiterate that he is not a fortuneteller or mind reader... he could not have known they would react that way. His fault was assuming they were better people than they were.
    Yes, if his wife is quietly (or not so quietly) resentful of what he did, nothing you say will help! But you said she was an NF -- so she might understand? (That said, NFs in mom-mode could be very judgmental about things that jeopardize their children's well-being)
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