User Tag List

123 Last

Results 1 to 10 of 34

  1. #1
    Senior Member Santosha's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    MBTI
    HUMR
    Enneagram
    6 sx
    Socionics
    iNfp Ni
    Posts
    1,521

    Default Don't Touch Me - Whats the Deal?

    I realized that I have a bit of an issue with being touched. To clarify, I seem to like to touch and be warm with people fairly often, but only on my own terms. I realize that it's kinda unfair and fucked up.. but I can't seem to control my cringey emotions when someone invades my personal space. The thing is, I grew up with very lovey, touchy-feely family members. It's bothered me from as far back as I can remember. My grandpa used to put his hand on my shoulder or neck and give me a pat or rub.. it was bugging me out pre kindergarten. My family also did alot of force hug/emotional displays.. and the more they did it/do it.. the more violated I feel. It has something to do with me feeling like I am being both physically and emotionally hi-jacked through a social norm, or someones elses good intent, but I can't do anything about it or reject it.. because only a cruel bastard would do such a thing.. and I'm left to endure. It's really weird. Part of me thinks.. this isn't normal.. a normal, healthy person shouldn't be rejecting affection demonstrations from people they care about.. but another part of me says.. BS.. normal healthy people would not force physical interaction on someone without picking up on various ques that its okay. Maybe they should be a little more sensitive with boundaries.


    Thoughts? Similarities?
    Man suffers only because he takes seriously what the gods made for fun - Watts

  2. #2
    Permabanned
    Join Date
    May 2009
    MBTI
    ISFP
    Enneagram
    6w7 sx
    Socionics
    SEE Fi
    Posts
    25,301

    Default

    You need to tell people you don't like it if those are people you care about and explain why. You can't expect people just to know, especially if they're family members or close friends or you're dating them.

    Now strangers randomly touching, 'specially creepy guys, will elicit a very nasty hateful response from me, because that's just bullshit. I really hate when strange men touch me uninvited, especially like in a work environment or something like that. It presumes both intimacy and control and it makes me want to hit people.

    I'm usually VERY affectionate though...I am a touchy feely person. With people I care about. But I know people like you. In my experience they're often IxxJs, or TJs.

  3. #3
    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    8w9
    Posts
    9,745

    Default

    I think you are responsible for setting your own boundaries. If I was uncomfortable with touching (and I am) I would say so. I know this is a stretch for the NF's because I live with it. Sure normal healthy people would not force physical interaction on someone but...how do they know this? Honestly, how do they know? Are you giving off a vibe or taking it like a good girl and screaming YOU'RE VIOLATING ME!!!! inside? It's really helpful to just open your mouth and say...I don't feel comfortable with that so stop. Thanks.
    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.

  4. #4
    Permabanned
    Join Date
    May 2009
    MBTI
    ISFP
    Enneagram
    6w7 sx
    Socionics
    SEE Fi
    Posts
    25,301

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by ceecee View Post
    It's really helpful to just open your mouth and say...I don't feel comfortable with that so stop. Thanks.
    Yeah one of the most awesome things a guy has ever done was explain to me up front: this is how I am. This is how I show love. This is what I don't do. This is why I do this. Can you deal with that?

    But yeah with family members I can't see why you wouldn't just TELL THEM.

    So I'm wondering if this a partner issue, like you're afraid of hurting your partner? Or you even feel this way with family members and platonic friends?

  5. #5
    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    8w9
    Posts
    9,745

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Marmie Dearest View Post
    Yeah one of the most awesome things a guy has ever done was explain to me up front: this is how I am. This is how I show love. This is what I don't do. This is why I do this. Can you deal with that?

    But yeah with family members I can't see why you wouldn't just TELL THEM.

    So I'm wondering if this a partner issue, like you're afraid of hurting your partner? Or you even feel this way with family members and platonic friends?
    Nah. People who know me know I wouldn't hold back if something truly bothered me. If I was on the other end of things and I was making someone uncomfortable....I'd sure want to know about it.
    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.

  6. #6
    Permabanned
    Join Date
    May 2009
    MBTI
    ISFP
    Enneagram
    6w7 sx
    Socionics
    SEE Fi
    Posts
    25,301

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by ceecee View Post
    Nah. People who know me know I wouldn't hold back if something truly bothered me. If I was on the other end of things and I was making someone uncomfortable....I'd sure want to know about it.
    Oh I'm sorry the first part was directed toward you, and the questions toward the OP. My fault for not being more clear.

  7. #7
    likes this gromit's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Posts
    6,652

    Default

    I was called 'porcupine' as a baby/kid because I was NOT cuddly haha. But I grew into it. Pretty much now I like any touching (i.e. hugs, shoulder pats, back rubs, head rubs) from people I like, obviously I don't have coworkers giving me head rubs though.

    I also was super ticklish as a kid. And too much tickling still drives me crazy.
    Your kisses, sweeter than honey. But guess what, so is my money.

  8. #8
    Permabanned
    Join Date
    May 2009
    MBTI
    ISFP
    Enneagram
    6w7 sx
    Socionics
    SEE Fi
    Posts
    25,301

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by gromit View Post
    And too much tickling still drives me crazy.
    I hate that too. Unless it's very light and sensual, I consider it a form of torture. It's like, would like your face kicked in?

  9. #9
    Senior Member Santosha's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    MBTI
    HUMR
    Enneagram
    6 sx
    Socionics
    iNfp Ni
    Posts
    1,521

    Default

    I just pinpointed a key factor in this. It's when people are drunk, or getting fucked up. My parents were pretty big partiers while I grew up, and I saw alot of shit go down that kids just shouldn't see. Constant boundary violations both physically and emotionally. Now, when I am around specifically my family or partner and alot of drinking is involved.. I shell up into ISTJ shadow mode and become VERY uncomfortable with physical touch. I don't have the problem with friends.
    Man suffers only because he takes seriously what the gods made for fun - Watts

  10. #10
    Member kissmyasthma's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    MBTI
    I???
    Enneagram
    huh sp/so
    Posts
    98

    Default

    I definitely relate. Whenever someone invades my personal space, I can help shrinking into myself or cringing a bit--even if I care about that person. Luckily, my close friends understand it (despite normally being very touchy-feely themselves). My mom, on the other hand, thinks there's something wrong with me, or that I need to get over it.

    Quote Originally Posted by gromit View Post
    I also was super ticklish as a kid. And too much tickling still drives me crazy.
    I'm exactly the same way! It's funny, though--my mom hasn't been ticklish at all since she was very young. Somehow she just made herself "get over it" (or maybe it's a superpower xD)

Similar Threads

  1. [INFJ] can someone tell me whats the difference between ni and ne?????
    By chado in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 19
    Last Post: 02-22-2015, 07:37 AM
  2. [NT] Whats the deal with NTP's and conspiracy theories
    By Penguin in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 31
    Last Post: 09-27-2011, 12:28 AM
  3. Negro don't touch me.
    By Magic Poriferan in forum Politics, History, and Current Events
    Replies: 13
    Last Post: 03-14-2010, 02:33 PM
  4. whats the deal with sodium
    By ThatGirl in forum Home, Garden and Nature
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 11-16-2008, 08:14 PM
  5. [MBTItm] Could someone please tell me what the 'strength of preference percentage' means?
    By Lindaxo in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 11
    Last Post: 04-12-2008, 03:54 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO