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Thread: Don't Touch Me - Whats the Deal?

  1. #31
    Lay the coin on my tongue Array SilkRoad's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    6w5 sp/sx


    I don't really mind being hugged etc but don't especially seek it out. Whether I want to hug or be hugged or whatever is just very dependent on what kind of vibe I get from the person, what kind of relationship we have, etc.

    I think there are so many variables. Huxley mentioned that her issues with it have to do partly with boundary violations at an early age and I can totally understand that (well, I think I can though I don't have personal experience that way.) Some cultures are extremely touchy, some are not.

    I've noticed that in recent years I've developed a habit of touching people on the arm if I want to express something like - sympathy, or just that I like them (either platonically or romantically.) I do it with either girls or guys but there has to be at least some level of closeness already. Not necessarily super-close but we need to have at least a certain level of comfort.

    My family was fairly physically affectionate when I was growing up but in a fairly regulated way, if that makes sense. Like, hugs and kisses goodnight but not all that much at other times. None of us are naturally very physically affectionate, I think, but I am definitely more so than I used to be. My mom almost feels too huggy with me sometimes when we're together these days but I totally understand that because we live thousands of miles apart and often don't see each other for a year or two at a stretch.

    I might also be a little more physically affectionate since moving to Europe where a lot of people give kisses on the cheeks as greetings. At first it was weird for me and even slightly exciting-feeling if it was a cute guy. Now the only time it would feel anything like "exciting" would be if it was a guy I was seriously attracted to and there was some tension between us.

    I do think that according to personality and culture and background/experiences there are so many ways people approach the physical touch thing. I'm pretty reticent physically with people of the opposite sex except if you're a guy and I like you there's likely to be a lot of the arm-touching I've misread guys (or possibly read them correctly, but they weren't willing to do anything about it) over their touchiness with me before. I can think of two different guys who were both pretty touchy with me when we were friends. Making a point of giving me a hand down a slope, gently putting an arm around me to steer me away from the road, lingering hugs and kisses on the cheek, squeezing my hand goodbye, etc. In one case, the guy was attracted to me and we ended up together for a while. In the other case (and this guy also did things like squeeze my hip and make jokes about pinching my bottom) he's now dating someone else and claims he just saw me as a friend (though I am not convinced that there was nothing there on his side). So...I just think it's hard to say with stuff like that.
    Enneagram 6w5 sp/sx


  2. #32
    Emerging Array Tallulah's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008


    I don't mind being hugged or touched casually, but I have to know and like you to react to you in a romantic way. If you try to get physical with me before we really know each other, it just feels weird and fake to me. So it's a turnoff. Also, the fact that you like me doesn't mean I automatically like you back.
    Something Witty

  3. #33
    Feline Member Array kelric's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007


    I'm not all that fond of personal touch outside of carefully proscribed circumstances. A handshake or hug hello/goodbye when seeing friends after a long period of time, a handshake in business-introduction settings, no problem. Anything else? I'd better like you a whole lot (very rare), or I'm probably going to be very uncomfortable, if I outright don't flinch away. The whole "touch on the arm" thing just gives me the creeps in most circumstances (granted, I can envision cases where I'd welcome it, but there are probably a handful of people I've ever met who'd be in that group).

    The other day at work I said something in a meeting that someone agreed with, and he reached out and gave me one of those confirming casual arm-touches. Not cool. Not offensive or in any way inappropriate, but... *not* cool.

  4. #34


    I am ENFJ and dislike being touched. It's a personal thing and it doesn't necessary mean you are screwed up. It's just who you are.

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