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  1. #1
    Senior Member Lily flower's Avatar
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    Default ENFJ and two girls

    There's an ENFJ I know who I think likes girl A. When he looks at her, his face goes all mushy, he stares at her a lot, he gets a goofy smile around her, he touches her a lot, and there are other reasons I think he likes her.

    But when he is together with girl A and girl B, he almost completely ignores girl A and talks the entire time to girl B. He usually seems very animated talking to girl B. If girl A says something, he will laugh really loud and give her attention for a moment, but then go back to ignoring her and giving attention to girl B.

    Why would he do that? Which girl does he actually like?

  2. #2
    Diving into Ni-space Crescent Fresh's Avatar
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    Two of my ENFJ friends do this a lot, and I suspect they're not doing it to make the object of their affection jealous, but rather to test or get a reaction from them.

    I would say it's a tactic to see if they're on the same boat. ENFJ tends to like to drop hints through actions in one-on-one settings by being a little bit touchy.

    Anyways, perhaps other ENFJs can add their opinions about this? I'm curious as well!

  3. #3
    morose bourgeoisie
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    Based on what you wrote, girl B.

  4. #4
    Senior Member Lily flower's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Crescent Fresh View Post
    Two of my ENFJ friends do this a lot, and I suspect they're not doing it to make the object of their affection jealous, but rather to test or get a reaction from them.

    I would say it's a tactic to see if they're on the same boat. ENFJ tends to like to drop hints through actions in one-on-one settings by being a little bit touchy.

    Anyways, perhaps other ENFJs can add their opinions about this? I'm curious as well!
    Can you explain the hints thing? I don't think I understand that at all.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Lily flower's Avatar
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    I suppose he could like both of them.

    I thought my husband didn't like me (at least romantically) for a good year, and he told me later that he was just so in love with me that he couldn't handle it. (He is also an ENFJ). I think I am still trying to understand the ENFJ ignoring thing.

  6. #6
    Diving into Ni-space Crescent Fresh's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lily flower View Post
    Can you explain the hints thing? I don't think I understand that at all.
    It seems like it's very difficult for ENFJ girls (based on my two friends) to verbalize their affections to the other party as they hoped the men will initiate first.

    Usually they'll be "extremely" nice to the other person by doing little things like foods or small gifts. That's the first stage.

    And if they still didn't recevie a desire response, they tend to be nicer to a different target to elicit a response. Or if that stunt target is not available, they'll talk about person B more in front of person A.

    But I could be wrong though, as I'm not too familar with ENFJ's core traits. It's really based on my observation from my two ENFJ friends.

  7. #7
    Lungs & Lips Locked Unkindloving's Avatar
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    This is an iffy one for me to judge, because ENFJs can have people that they find to be amazing friends and those who we are interested in. Girl A may be the amazing friend type until Girl B is around and takes the focus as the interest, or Girl A may be the interest until Girl B comes along and the amazing friendship overpowers the situation.
    I've had both experiences. My most recent experience was being attracted to/interested in an ENTJ friend, but having another ENFJ friend who I can really mindmeld with and get along with. While I would be googly-eyed over the ENTJ, the ENFJ would instantly have more of my attention due to our ability to get each other.
    However, I've also had situations where I will focus on the initial person because they matter friendship-wise, but the actual interest coming along sparks my aggressive flirty nature and it can be unstoppable.
    It just really depends on the circumstances and the individual relationships. Best thing may just be to ask, or mexican hat dance around what you're actually asking.

    I think ENFJs are even a bit crazy enough to Ni the whole situation out and realize they are so interested in the one that they don't want to leave the other out, so they can end up focusing so much on the other that it causes a mixed signal. We may have an amazing social gauge, but things can really tend to go haywire once we are directly involved in it, and aren't just advising and guiding from the sidelines.

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    I'm up for hearing any other details or examples of specific situations that you might be able to think of though. Could help, never know!
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  8. #8
    Senior Member Lily flower's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Unkindloving View Post
    I think ENFJs are even a bit crazy enough to Ni the whole situation out and realize they are so interested in the one that they don't want to leave the other out, so they can end up focusing so much on the other that it causes a mixed signal.
    This comment made me laugh, because I do exactly the same thing! I remember being really interested in one guy, but talking forever to his roommate, because the roommate was more talkative and I would have felt bad ignoring him in favor of the guy I liked.

  9. #9
    Senior Member Lily flower's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Unkindloving View Post
    I'm up for hearing any other details or examples of specific situations that you might be able to think of though. Could help, never know!
    Before I add more details, I hope you don't think I'm too weird about wondering about other people's relationships, but I just find people so absolutely fascinating!


    So more details...I've never seen this guy talk to girl B unless girl A and girl B are together, but it's possible that he talks with either one of them when I am not around.

    He stares at girl A, but I have never seen him stare at girl B.


    Giving attention to girl B and not girl A has happened several times, and it's almost like girl A does not even exist in these situations. (I feel for her because she obviously seems to like him and looks kind of lost when this happens.) I saw an exception to this once - he was talking to girl B like usual, girl A made a joke, he laughed and laughed at her joke (fall on the floor kind of laughing.) A couple of minutes later he ended up staring at girl A with a look that could have been lust or anger (hard to tell), she caught him staring at her and looked shocked, and he ended up staring at the table for the next half an hour, ignored both of them and then left the even shortly after without saying goodbye to anyone.

  10. #10
    Member cranez's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lily flower View Post
    There's an ENFJ I know who I think likes girl A. When he looks at her, his face goes all mushy, he stares at her a lot, he gets a goofy smile around her, he touches her a lot, and there are other reasons I think he likes her.

    But when he is together with girl A and girl B, he almost completely ignores girl A and talks the entire time to girl B. He usually seems very animated talking to girl B. If girl A says something, he will laugh really loud and give her attention for a moment, but then go back to ignoring her and giving attention to girl B.

    Why would he do that? Which girl does he actually like?
    Crescent Fresh said it almost perfectly. Occasionally we ENFJs like to collect information by the reactions of others. Occasionally I find myself ignoring romantic interests just to get them to chase me. But do understand that ENFJs are also flirtatious. So although he is showing affection for Girl A by being touchy feely, he may have no intentions other than friendship. I am very touchy feely with friends and sometimes, I mean - usually, people get the wrong idea.

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