User Tag List

Results 1 to 9 of 9

  1. #1
    Diving into Ni-space Crescent Fresh's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    4w5
    Posts
    807

    Default Sitting on the Fence

    I think most NFs do this (especially xNFPs) and this brought me to one conversation I once had with an ENFJ friend when discussing about this issue:

    "You should not remain neutral. There is a time in everyone's life when you must take sides. By remaining neutral when others are using your neutrality to do wrong, you become involved with their bad behavior. Take sides and don't stay on the fence--that is not loyal to anyone."

    In workplace, I almost always try sitting on the fence to avoid dramas. And it frustrated some of my co-workers (I was a team leader). I suppose by remaining neutral when people have an argument based on different opinion is the best thing to do. But now when I think back, that's also another way to lose loyalty from people who are close to you.

    I wonder if how other NFs think of this?

  2. #2
    Lungs & Lips Locked Unkindloving's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    MBTI
    ENFJ
    Enneagram
    4w5
    Socionics
    ENFj
    Posts
    2,900

    Default

    Does depend on the situation, but it definitely isn't ideal to stay neutral all of the time.
    I'm glad an ENFJ shared this sentiment to you, because I've thought the same before, and specifically of NFPs. If it is done too frequently or for the wrong situation, it conveys that the neutral party may not have a gauge of what their values are. To me, this is fairly fine if one can't form a strong enough opinion of one side or the other, but it does cause a disconnect if one does have a strong enough opinion, then chooses to remain neutral despite it. It can come across as cowardly at times, and can definitely make people question the motives of the neutral party.

    Also, it can depend on if the neutral party just zips their lips on matters, or explains why they feel they should remain neutral. I have more respect for a person who can explain what sways them on either side, or to avoid opinions on either side, than someone who just avoids the matter and remains silenced about their understanding.
    In work-related scenarios, it can cause a standstill if one is neutral over the work being done itself. Obviously decisions have to be made for the betterment of projects and to accomplish goals.
    Hang on traveling woman - Don't sacrifice your plan
    Cause it will come back to you - Before you lose it on the man


    .:: DWTWD ::.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]


    2011 TypeC Exercise Challenge - My Weekly Goals: Cardio 4x. Yoga/Pilates 1x. Pushups 70.

    There is this thing keeping everyone's lungs and lips locked - It is called fear and it's seeing a great renaissance

  3. #3
    Away with the fairies Southern Kross's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    4w5 so/sp
    Posts
    2,912

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Crescent Fresh View Post
    I think most NFs do this (especially xNFPs) and this brought me to one conversation I once had with an ENFJ friend when discussing about this issue:

    "You should not remain neutral. There is a time in everyone's life when you must take sides. By remaining neutral when others are using your neutrality to do wrong, you become involved with their bad behavior. Take sides and don't stay on the fence--that is not loyal to anyone."

    In workplace, I almost always try sitting on the fence to avoid dramas. And it frustrated some of my co-workers (I was a team leader). I suppose by remaining neutral when people have an argument based on different opinion is the best thing to do. But now when I think back, that's also another way to lose loyalty from people who are close to you.

    I wonder if how other NFs think of this?
    I think in the situation you mentioned neutrality is appropriate (especially if its petty BS!). Keeping out of it means you allow yourself to be more open and non-judgmental towards others, although this isn't always ideal.

    I'm generally a very opinionated person and believe in the importance of deciding where you stand but I don't think its always important or appropriate to express those opinions - it can just make unnecessary waves when others interfere. Basically, I think you are not required to step in, unless your inaction and indecisiveness is harming others.
    INFP 4w5 so/sp

    I've dreamt in my life dreams that have stayed with me ever after, and changed my ideas;
    they've gone through and through me, like wine through water, and altered the colour of my mind.

    - Emily Bronte

  4. #4
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    4w5 sp/sx
    Socionics
    IEI Ni
    Posts
    7,661

    Default

    I don't consider it remaining neutral when the purpose is to avoid petty drama. I then consider it a negative judgment towards both sides, which means I refuse to take either (I'm on MY side then) . I'm generally not neutral about much, & I usually know how I feel about almost anything I know enough about to form an opinion on.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  5. #5
    lab rat extraordinaire CrystalViolet's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    MBTI
    XNFP
    Enneagram
    5w4 sx/sp
    Posts
    2,170

    Default

    Please don't take offense at this, but the whole being forced to take sides is some thing I find xNFJ's thrust upon me. If I don't want to get involved, I won't take sides. If I think both sides are in the wrong I won't take sides. If it's petty, I definitely won't take sides. Most of the time, if I haven't made my position clear, I think both sides are wrong, both sides would take offense if I declared openly though. I'm just trying to be diplomatic. I won't hesitate to say what think if it becomes harmful though.
    Currently submerged under an avalanche of books and paper work. I may come back up for air from time to time.
    Real life awaits and she is a demanding mistress.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  6. #6
    Senior Member Lily flower's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    2
    Posts
    931

    Default

    INFJ's are one of the few people who actually can see the merits of both sides of an argument. I don't think there is any value in choosing sides just for the sake of choosing sides. Most of the problems in our society come from people choosing a side for no good reason, and then digging their heels in and not seeing the other person's point of view. So if you feel neutral, then go ahead and stay neutral.

  7. #7
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    MBTI
    Enfp
    Enneagram
    497 sx/so
    Socionics
    IEE Fi
    Posts
    14,658

    Default

    I stay neutral, or try to, despite feeling strongly for one side as I feel it hampers my vision and ability to address the problem correctly, if I do go over to one side. I like being able to see both perspectives, in order to meet in the middle and get a win-win situation for everyone. I can't do that if I let myself be swept up by my own personal preferences and then force them onto others ( a big value-no-no for me, though I have been guilty of it due to other important values). Consider it the mediator in me.
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





    "Harm none, do as ye will”

  8. #8
    lab rat extraordinaire CrystalViolet's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    MBTI
    XNFP
    Enneagram
    5w4 sx/sp
    Posts
    2,170

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Lily flower View Post
    INFJ's are one of the few people who actually can see the merits of both sides of an argument. I don't think there is any value in choosing sides just for the sake of choosing sides. Most of the problems in our society come from people choosing a side for no good reason, and then digging their heels in and not seeing the other person's point of view. So if you feel neutral, then go ahead and stay neutral.
    Sorry, I didn't mean all XNFJ, just ones in my immediate vicinity at this current moment. I'm slightly disgruntled by it....didn't mean the snark.
    People politics, oi!
    Currently submerged under an avalanche of books and paper work. I may come back up for air from time to time.
    Real life awaits and she is a demanding mistress.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  9. #9
    Senior Member BAJ's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    MBTI
    ISFP
    Enneagram
    4w5
    Posts
    631

    Default

    I think I'll stay on the fence on this issue.

Similar Threads

  1. Stuck on the N/S fence
    By Viridian in forum What's my Type?
    Replies: 24
    Last Post: 06-05-2013, 09:15 AM
  2. On the fence
    By skylights in forum Academics and Careers
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: 04-14-2013, 10:53 PM
  3. things you do while sitting on the toilet
    By Sanctus Iacobus in forum The Fluff Zone
    Replies: 30
    Last Post: 06-21-2011, 03:02 PM
  4. My thoughts on the I phone
    By Opivy1980 in forum Science, Technology, and Future Tech
    Replies: 25
    Last Post: 07-09-2007, 06:38 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO