User Tag List

123 Last

Results 1 to 10 of 23

  1. #1
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    6w5 sp/sx
    Posts
    3,938

    Default Learning to trust gut feelings/intuition - even a little too much?

    This may sound strange, I'm not sure how much sense it makes. Please ask me to clarify if it doesn't.

    Does anyone have experience with moving from a time in their life when they doubted their gut feelings, insight and intuition a great deal - and then started to trust their own thoughts and feelings more? What difference did it make in your life?

    I'm wondering about this lately. INFJs often seem over confident to me (the whole "I am always right about other people" thing). Well, basically I'm starting to wonder if I should adopt more of that.

    I am enneagram 6 so I find that I have insights and strong feelings about others but I second guess them a lot. Partly, I don't want to be unfair to others (even if I am angry at them or they've hurt me) and I don't want to make a fool of myself. I say things to myself like "well, you're angry at him so obviously you're going to judge him harshly." Or "you've built all these little factors into a grand picture about her, but you could just be putting your own spin on it."

    Thing is...it's starting to seem like more often than not I am proved right about these people or situations. I tell myself for months or years that I'm judging them harshly, but eventually they make a mess of their lives in exactly the way that I deep down suspected they would. This has happened enough times that it's starting to feel slightly eerie. It also makes me very curious to see how things will play out with certain people I know. And it gives me a different perspective on some situations, friendships and relationships in the past.

    But, I don't really want to become an overconfident INFJ either...

    Any comments?
    Female
    INFJ
    Enneagram 6w5 sp/sx


    I DOORSLAMMING

  2. #2
    Insert witty line here... Ponyboy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    9w1
    Posts
    398

    Default

    I always trust my gut feelings. I have been told in the past that I can be judgmental when first meeting people so sometimes I try to give the benefit of doubt and put my thoughts on the back burner. Thats usually when I end up getting burned and then I say to myself "I should have known". When in fact, I DID know, I just tried to ignore it for whatever reason.
    I'm never wrong, I'm just sometimes less right

  3. #3
    Post Human Post Qlip's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    4w5 sp/sx
    Posts
    9,491

    Default

    Absolutely, I have done this within the last 5 years, it should have been sooner. There was a point where the second guessing took a greater toll than being occasionally wrong. Gut feelings and intuitions are a major part of how I operate, auditing them is occasionally important, but being suspicious and mistrusting them was stunting my growth and making me a less effective person.

    I imagine this could play differently for INFJs, though.

  4. #4
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    6w5 sp/sx
    Posts
    3,938

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Ponyboy View Post
    I always trust my gut feelings. I have been told in the past that I can be judgmental when first meeting people so sometimes I try to give the benefit of doubt and put my thoughts on the back burner. Thats usually when I end up getting burned and then I say to myself "I should have known". When in fact, I DID know, I just tried to ignore it for whatever reason.
    I hear you on this... I have put the gut feelings on the back burner either when I feel I "should" make a big effort not to judge someone harshly, for whatever reason, or when it's someone I'm attracted to and the attraction has overriden gut feelings. You can get burned big time in either situation and ESPECIALLY the latter.

    Qlip, how do you "audit" your gut feelings and intuitions, out of curiosity? I take it you mean trusting them, but not absolutely and blindly.
    Female
    INFJ
    Enneagram 6w5 sp/sx


    I DOORSLAMMING

  5. #5
    Senior Member Neutralpov's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    MBTI
    EnfJ
    Enneagram
    1w2 so/sx
    Socionics
    EII
    Posts
    311

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    I hear you on this... I have put the gut feelings on the back burner either when I feel I "should" make a big effort not to judge someone harshly, for whatever reason, or when it's someone I'm attracted to and the attraction has overriden gut feelings. You can get burned big time in either situation and ESPECIALLY the latter.

    Qlip, how do you "audit" your gut feelings and intuitions, out of curiosity? I take it you mean trusting them, but not absolutely and blindly.
    +10

    I also have wondered this in my dating and romantic life. I am judgmental to a fault in that area and generally am a long term serious dater but I have been told I rule out men way to fast. I think this might be true as I went on 20+ first dates in the past year or so trying to be open, especially to introverts, but I seem to just click or know (mindmate connection!) with few men and those I get burned on because I let the mindmate attraction overplay the longer time it takes to feel out comparability and friendship.
    I am hoping I am right and my gut will know when my hubby comes along and my friends are not all 100% correct in that I am too judgmental ; but seriously dates are the worst when you don't click intellectually no matter how fun the plans.
    Extroverted (E) 67.74% Introverted (I) 32.26%
    Intuitive (N) 51.72% Sensing (S) 48.28%
    Feeling (F) 51.61% Thinking (T) 48.39%
    Judging (J) 69.44% Perceiving (P) 30.56%

    Type 1 Perfectionism |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
    so/sx/sp

  6. #6
    Post Human Post Qlip's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    4w5 sp/sx
    Posts
    9,491

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    I hear you on this... I have put the gut feelings on the back burner either when I feel I "should" make a big effort not to judge someone harshly, for whatever reason, or when it's someone I'm attracted to and the attraction has overriden gut feelings. You can get burned big time in either situation and ESPECIALLY the latter.

    Qlip, how do you "audit" your gut feelings and intuitions, out of curiosity? I take it you mean trusting them, but not absolutely and blindly.
    I guess I take into account what kind of mental state I'm in, if I'm in a turtle type of mode I may be paranoid. I think if a person or situation reminds me of something that may have happened in the past. Sometimes dejavu can lead you to believe a memory is an intuition. Sometimes that memory has bearing, sometimes it does not.

  7. #7
    meh Salomé's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    5w4 sx/sp
    Posts
    10,540

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    Does anyone have experience with moving from a time in their life when they doubted their gut feelings, insight and intuition a great deal - and then started to trust their own thoughts and feelings more? What difference did it make in your life?
    It feels amazing. Incredibly empowering. Really, few things can compare with the enormous confidence boost and glorious comfort one achieves from complete and utter Certainty.
    Even when you're totally wrong.
    I highly recommend it.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  8. #8
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    FREE
    Enneagram
    594 sx/sp
    Socionics
    LII Ne
    Posts
    42,333

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    Does anyone have experience with moving from a time in their life when they doubted their gut feelings, insight and intuition a great deal - and then started to trust their own thoughts and feelings more? What difference did it make in your life?
    Yes. I trusted my intuition much more than my feelings (my feelings were automatically on my "black list" because of my natural T mistrust for their volatility and undependable nature, as well as the religious values I originally saw as true... that feelings were inconsistent and often selfish, and they would lead me astray if I did not set them aside to make good logical moral decisions).

    However, I could only trust my intuition "intuitively" if that makes sense... It basically gave me a picture of the world, but I felt I could not actually act on my intuition unless I validated it through thinking ... some sort of explicable rational reason to take such action and confirm my intuitions were right. This was partly for me, and partly so I could justify my choices to others so they knew I wasn't being frivolous or crazy.

    Eventually intuition became meshed with experience, so I could trust it more. Also I did reach a point where I was tired of needing to justify everything to myself and others (it's such a tedious way to live), and it was about the same time I started also trying to actively reintegrating my feelings as a valid component of my living experience and sense of self. The first decisions were the hardest, because those are ones I made where I ignored external criticism that didn't support what I could see, and I ended up suffering some of the loss of social support I had expected because of it.

    But after people downgrade your reputation for always being "rational" about everything, you no longer have to live up to it and can just be yourself. It no longer really matters what others think. Also, you can make corrections in mid-course if you err, rather than having to think it all through ahead of time and get it right before you do it. So integrating intuition + emotions + thinking = a more in the moment experience, that you simply do course-correct during.

    By handling it that way, instead of experiencing life as some sort of preprogrammed calculation, you can engage each moment and be part of the timestream.

    I'm wondering about this lately. INFJs often seem over confident to me (the whole "I am always right about other people" thing). Well, basically I'm starting to wonder if I should adopt more of that.
    Chances are, while you might not be 100% right all the time, you could probably trust yourself realistically more than you currently do.

    Partly, I don't want to be unfair to others (even if I am angry at them or they've hurt me) and I don't want to make a fool of myself. I say things to myself like "well, you're angry at him so obviously you're going to judge him harshly." Or "you've built all these little factors into a grand picture about her, but you could just be putting your own spin on it."
    There is that... so you just develop new strategies to accommodate things. For example, if you realize you were unfair, then you apologize and change what you're doing, and learn from it. As for making a fool of yourself, if you truly think you were foolish, then you just change your behavior and you will no longer be foolish; meanwhile, if you realize that other people think you're foolish but you know you weren't being that, then you learn to set aside those critical comments as incorrect.

    So my thoughts are: Be brave; engage life rather than not living inside of it; and never be afraid to admit you made a mistake or to change course.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  9. #9
    Anew Leaf
    Guest

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    This may sound strange, I'm not sure how much sense it makes. Please ask me to clarify if it doesn't.

    Does anyone have experience with moving from a time in their life when they doubted their gut feelings, insight and intuition a great deal - and then started to trust their own thoughts and feelings more? What difference did it make in your life?

    I'm wondering about this lately. INFJs often seem over confident to me (the whole "I am always right about other people" thing). Well, basically I'm starting to wonder if I should adopt more of that.

    I am enneagram 6 so I find that I have insights and strong feelings about others but I second guess them a lot. Partly, I don't want to be unfair to others (even if I am angry at them or they've hurt me) and I don't want to make a fool of myself. I say things to myself like "well, you're angry at him so obviously you're going to judge him harshly." Or "you've built all these little factors into a grand picture about her, but you could just be putting your own spin on it."

    Thing is...it's starting to seem like more often than not I am proved right about these people or situations. I tell myself for months or years that I'm judging them harshly, but eventually they make a mess of their lives in exactly the way that I deep down suspected they would. This has happened enough times that it's starting to feel slightly eerie. It also makes me very curious to see how things will play out with certain people I know. And it gives me a different perspective on some situations, friendships and relationships in the past.

    But, I don't really want to become an overconfident INFJ either...

    Any comments?
    I think every NF has to find a balance between their intuition and reality. It is good to listen to what our gut and heart are telling us, but we do need to check in at the Te/Ti help desk every now and again to make sure what we are thinking/feeling actually has truth to it.

    NFJs can become extremely invasive at times when they decide they are "right" about something and push that agenda onto another person.
    NFPs can become Olympic vaulters as they leap to conclusion after conclusion driving others insane.


    Quote Originally Posted by Ponyboy View Post
    I always trust my gut feelings. I have been told in the past that I can be judgmental when first meeting people so sometimes I try to give the benefit of doubt and put my thoughts on the back burner. Thats usually when I end up getting burned and then I say to myself "I should have known". When in fact, I DID know, I just tried to ignore it for whatever reason.
    I have learned this as well. I meet someone and think "hmm, something is off about them." Then I think, "Oh, I am being judgemental, I really should be openminded about them!" Then a few weeks, months later I am smacked in the face with the reality of "this person is a jerk/liar/thief/jerky mcjerk face/etc."

  10. #10
    Diving into Ni-space Crescent Fresh's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    4w5
    Posts
    807

    Default

    It's hard not to trust my gut feeling as I've been using this all the time. However, I noticed that my gut feeling is mostly associated with negative judgement, and that immediately puts me off from building a trusting bond with people who later turn out to be the exact opposite.

    So now I've learned that as long as you keep your gut feeling in "private," that is, without voicing it to others (a common INFJ trait) as it might influence other people's mindsets, it's perfecting okay to apply intuition and judgement in private sphere. Though I also realized that it is very important to always keep an option open, as sometimes, people might surprise you once you discovered their good qualities throughout the pathway. Then you can weigh all the pros and cons in your head and then decide how close you want to bond with this person.

    But I agree with silkroad that when it comes to romance, my gut feeling is usually right but I let my emotions to override it. And of course things didn't turn out to be good as I tend to idealize romance too far to overshadow the negative gut feeling I first initiated.

    Interesting topic!

Similar Threads

  1. [INFJ] How do INFJ's learn to feel safe being loved?
    By Lenian in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 42
    Last Post: 01-30-2012, 05:16 PM
  2. Learning to Fit into Groups
    By Mole in forum General Psychology
    Replies: 29
    Last Post: 04-04-2008, 12:57 PM
  3. most likely to "stuff" their feelings"
    By INTJMom in forum Myers-Briggs and Jungian Cognitive Functions
    Replies: 27
    Last Post: 12-02-2007, 08:55 PM
  4. learning to use functions
    By UnitOfPopulation in forum General Psychology
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 09-29-2007, 04:22 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO