[ENFP] ENFPs (and non-ENFPs): Share Your Te Bitchslap Stories!

[animenagai]

My mother got one tonight. She told me to help her with the TV. I was busy with the dishes and had a lot on my plate, so I turned off the cable thing and told her to turn it on a minute later. She storms outside soon enough bitching at me about how unhelpful/unfriendly I am. She says that she does things for me all the time and doesn't understand why I can't just help her with something she's so weak at. Seriously lady? I told you to press the power button and you're complaining that I didn't press it for you? FFS I have arguments with her like this all the time. She just has no desire for self-improvement and that really, really pisses me off. Her belief system just states that everyone should be helpful to each other and because she has been helpful to me, I should be helpful to her. Anything else is rude and selfish. Problem is that she hides behind this and takes everything personally whenever we think she should learn something herself. This is one chronic Te bitchslap that causes constant conflict in our family.

 

[iwakar]

don't you think feel good about yourself for standing up to someone who was in the wrong?

You bet, but I suspect our necessary pretexts differ as well as our understanding of strictly "defensive" or "necessary".

 

[Elfboy]

My mother got one tonight. She told me to help her with the TV. I was busy with the dishes and had a lot on my plate, so I turned off the cable thing and told her to turn it on a minute later. She storms outside soon enough bitching at me about how unhelpful/unfriendly I am. She says that she does things for me all the time and doesn't understand why I can't just help her with something she's so weak at. Seriously lady? I told you to press the power button and you're complaining that I didn't press it for you? FFS I have arguments with her like this all the time. She just has no desire for self-improvement and that really, really pisses me off. Her belief system just states that everyone should be helpful to each other and because she has been helpful to me, I should be helpful to her. Anything else is rude and selfish. Problem is that she hides behind this and takes everything personally whenever we think she should learn something herself. This is one chronic Te bitchslap that causes constant conflict in our family.

it's called altruism. the belief that one should sacrifice for the "greater collective good" and put the needs of others before his own. that's what altruism does to people. it blurs the lines of who is supposed to do what until people end up in a constant state of "I should do this" "you should do this" going on inside their head and getting angry because you couldn't tell what they think you're supposed to do (which has not been clearly defined at all). because nothing is clearly defined, they resort to emotional warfare, guilt tripping and things like "I've suffered so much, I deserve this" in which case they ending up taking what they feel they "deserve" or are "entitled to" and virtually through a tantrum like a child if you try to get in their way or even reason with them as to why they don't in fact deserve the said thing.

 

[Elfboy]

You bet, but I suspect our necessary pretexts differ as well as our understanding of strictly "defensive" or "necessary".

I mean, it's not like we go around doing this once a week or anything. the Te bitch slap has many levels, the lower levels of which are much more friendly, like a Te pat on the cheek. Te pimp slaps are only necessary when you have made reasonable boundaries, made them clear and people are still disrespecting them and/or you. most of the time, it's simply a communication error and a full on Te pimp slap would simply be out of place and overly harsh. people generally follow rules as long as they're clear and they understand that they're at least somewhat reasonable (thank God 45% of people are SJ)

 

[Hazashin]

people generally follow rules as long as they're clear and they understand that they're at least somewhat reasonable (thank God 45% of people are SJ)

See, SJs do have a place.

 

[Kalach]

Exciting name. Is it as good as an Se Actu-Slap? To what extent does it involve actual determination of truth and falsehood? If, as suggested by the examples, it's about making internal judgment external, how come you're not calling it the "I can't set limits usually, but here, have a slap" slap?


/Fi "With that mouth, you kiss your mother?!" Goad.

 

[Crescent Fresh]

I think ENFPs are more likely than INFJs to retaliate rather than remove themselves from the hostile situation. I suppose it's because Ne+Te is more action-oriented than Ni+Ti.

Though I can't say if removing ourself is the best scenario because it usually involves with ignoring the other party and it might further elevate the unresolved conflict.

I suppose once INFJ starts to detach ourselves, it is an obvious sign to tell the other person that "I'm upset about you but I don't want to deal with you anymore." I've been told this often hurt others even more than we could think of. Afterall, leaving all the mess to the other party and to let them "deal with it" isn't an ideal resolution.

The reason why ENFP can be so tolerate to a prolonged conflicts even when they kept getting unfair treatment has to do with their incredible amount of patience while trying to endlessly "rationalize" (usually in positive direction) the other party's motive. I think the Te-bitchslap or Fe-attack are often resulted in bottling up their emotional upheaveals for a long period of time. Thus, in this respect, I can understand why they have to resulted in using these deadly weapons as it's merely for self-defense.

Though I can relate to Vala Faye's episode as I had a similar experience with an ENFP, I don't think I can relate to Elfboy's attempt as ethical since he could have resolved this privately in stead of leashing out in public. Perhaps it has to do with maturity.

 

[Zarathustra]

Lady X, Te-Bitchslapping

 

[Amargith]

And still a polite one, at that

 

[Elfboy]

See, SJs do have a place.

lol of course. if we didn't have people with Si, we'd have to constantly be relearning everything and no progress would be made. that being said, they do tend to go a little over board, but it's better than having the human race still be hunter gatherers

 

[HotpinkHeatwave]

Oh my jesus. I've had a few Te bitchslap moments. Outbursts from me are usually very rare. I keep nearly all my emotions to myself... Until some really, really crosses the line. Then? Bam. I will whoop you, or just call you a whole nice bunch of nasty names.

Example: In the library, I set my stuff on a table, where I was planning to sit. I went off to look at books, and while I was doing so, someone else decided they wanted to sit there.. And threw all my stuff on another table.

OH NO YOU DI'N'T.

Angry, I went right up to the guy, and pretty much said: "You couldn't have sat anywhere else? You DON'T just touch other people's shit. That's rude. How would you like if I threw your shit around? Asshole."

And that was pretty much it. He tried to be witty and talk back, but it really didn't work.

 

[Starry]

Exciting name. Is it as good as an Se Actu-Slap? To what extent does it involve actual determination of truth and falsehood? If, as suggested by the examples, it's about making internal judgment external, how come you're not calling it the "I can't set limits usually, but here, have a slap" slap?

This really, really stood out to me as being very true. Not just for many (not all) of the stories that appear in this thread...but for many (not all) irl 'ENFP bitchslaps' (if there is such a thing).

I don't necessarily relate to this thread. But I will shamefully admit that I have done such a thing. And the reason you provided does seem to 'ring a bell'. I appreciate you putting that forth.

 

[sculpting]

LOL, hahahaha.

my apologies iwaker, I cant figure out why they seem so funny in retrospect as the bitchslap can be overdone and can result in a poor outcome.

why is it funny....*ponders*...perhaps because after the fact one stands outside of one's actions and goes OMG did I just do that? Dude, I had no idea I had that level of *BOOM* inside of me. Hmmm.

It's about enforcing a boundary that has been repeatedly crossed-not right or wrong or correctness of the resulting judgement, but simply, back the fuck off and respect the fact I asked for space.

More somber te bitchslaps are actually part of what an ENFP does to bring light to an issue and resolve the problem and are not filled with caustic insansity, but are open and honest.

 

[sculpting]

This whole thread is weirdly self-congratulatory about something that is not inherently applause-worthy.

I get pissed off too, but blow-torching people is not a gold star moment for me even if it's justified in my book; it's a learning experience. Perhaps I just don't recognize the purpose/merit of this thread...? It wouldn't be the first time a point has escaped me.

Ermm, is it about helping identify what sets this process into motion?

I pondered.

I think the reason it seems self congratulatory is that we actually stood up for ourselves finally-even if the result is totally batshit crazy. We all have to start somewhere.

The reaons it is funny, is that it really is totally batshit crazy at times. We laugh, so we do not cry. Everyone's life sucks in certain ways, but being an enfp can be a fairly shitty experience as we are primed to be emotionally reactive and extroverted, totally weird and chameoleon like. And it's all on display. Make no mistake, the rest of you folks are just as weird as we are-it just gets hidden a lot better....I envy you guys, LOL. So to not feel horrified, we instead make a joke out of it, sweep up the mess and then keep moving forward and try not to fuck up again.

 

[uumlau]

"Te bitchslaps" exist because ENFPs initially appear so cute and cuddly. They need to emphasize their boundaries because it can so often seem as if they don't have any. They rely on Ne like a bullfighter relies on his cape: use distraction to avoid conflict. When the Ne-distraction fails, the Te bitchslap is the backup "plan".

INTJs have no need of such devices, as we possess the always-on death glare. Of course, this loses us more friends than any ENFP-Te-bitchslap ever would.

As time goes on, INTJs learn to soften the death glare with tertiary Fi.

Similarly, ENFPs eventually learn to set boundaries in a less confrontational manner, usually by setting them earlier and not relying so much on the Ne-distraction techniques.

 

[sculpting]

"Te bitchslaps" exist because ENFPs initially appear so cute and cuddly. They need to emphasize their boundaries because it can so often seem as if they don't have any. They rely on Ne like a bullfighter relies on his cape: use distraction to avoid conflict. When the Ne-distraction fails, the Te bitchslap is the backup "plan".

INTJs have no need of such devices, as we possess the always-on death glare. Of course, this loses us more friends than any ENFP-Te-bitchslap ever would.

As time goes on, INTJs learn to soften the death glare with tertiary Fi.

Similarly, ENFPs eventually learn to set boundaries in a less confrontational manner, usually by setting them earlier and not relying so much on the Ne-distraction techniques.

*showers ummlau with sparkles*

*skips away giggling*

 

[uumlau]

*showers ummlau with sparkles*

*skips away giggling*

 

[Amargith]

^ He knows

/thread

 

[Elfboy]

a more subtle example but
I was at my aunt's house for Christmas and was drinking a nice cup of tea, so my great aunt of 85 comes up to me and says "tea is for wimps!" I calmly smile at her and say "you do know that over a billion men in China and Japan drink tea every day right? are you saying that all of them are wimps" she replies "no"

 

[Turtledove]

a more subtle example but
I was at my aunt's house for Christmas and was drinking a nice cup of tea, so my great aunt of 85 comes up to me and says "tea is for wimps!" I calmly smile at her and say "you do know that over a billion men in China and Japan drink tea every day right? are you saying that all of them are wimps" she replies "no"

Bravo!