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  1. #11
    Diving into Ni-space Crescent Fresh's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Vala Faye View Post
    Otoh, one of my trademark ways of starting an argument with my so (and others), is by starting with an explanation and an apology for yelling, to then proceed and rant at them and explain everything that I'm seeing, both in myself and the other person. And often yes, it works cathartic.
    My ENFP did this to me as well. I wonder if other ENFP do this?

    It does help to make me think things over again, as I probably would have taken as a personal attack without such acknowledgment.

  2. #12
    Senior Member NegativeZero's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elfboy View Post
    a few vivid ones from high school

    1) in economics class a teacher kept patting me on the back so I told him
    me: please don't do that
    him: does it again
    me: I don't like it when people touch me, please don't do that
    him: does it another time a few days later
    me: I've requested that you don't touch me. I'm not asking you, I'm telling you
    him: I'll do it if I want
    me: no you won't. you WILL not touch me again. is that clear
    him: laughs condescendingly
    me: oh! you think this is funny? I'm sure the superintendent will find it HILARIOUS when I file against one of his teachers for sexual harassment charges. I do not ask for your respect, I COMMAND your respect, and if you want to keep your job and avoid felony charges, you WILL not touch me again. do I make myself clear?
    him and the rest of the class: .........
    *in his defense, the likelihood that he was actually sexually harassing me was very slim, but that wasn't the point. if people don't respect me, I force them to respect me.

    PS: more to come
    You should lighten up. People probably think you're nuts.
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  3. #13
    libtard SJW chickpea's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elfboy View Post
    a few vivid ones from high school

    1) in economics class a teacher kept patting me on the back so I told him
    me: please don't do that
    him: does it again
    me: I don't like it when people touch me, please don't do that
    him: does it another time a few days later
    me: I've requested that you don't touch me. I'm not asking you, I'm telling you
    him: I'll do it if I want
    me: no you won't. you WILL not touch me again. is that clear
    him: laughs condescendingly
    me: oh! you think this is funny? I'm sure the superintendent will find it HILARIOUS when I file against one of his teachers for sexual harassment charges. I do not ask for your respect, I COMMAND your respect, and if you want to keep your job and avoid felony charges, you WILL not touch me again. do I make myself clear?
    him and the rest of the class: .........
    *in his defense, the likelihood that he was actually sexually harassing me was very slim, but that wasn't the point. if people don't respect me, I force them to respect me.

    PS: more to come
    people being scared of you because you sound mentally unstable isn't the same as respect..

  4. #14
    Senior Member Jaguar's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by NegativeZero View Post
    You should lighten up. People probably think you're nuts.
    Probably?

  5. #15

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    Quote Originally Posted by chana View Post
    people being scared of you because you sound mentally unstable isn't the same as respect..
    This whole thread is weirdly self-congratulatory about something that is not inherently applause-worthy.

    I get pissed off too, but blow-torching people is not a gold star moment for me even if it's justified in my book; it's a learning experience. Perhaps I just don't recognize the purpose/merit of this thread...? It wouldn't be the first time a point has escaped me.

    Ermm, is it about helping identify what sets this process into motion?
    "The purpose of life is to be defeated by greater and greater things." - Rainer Maria Rilke

  6. #16
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    It's about understanding yourself and the situation better so that next time you can refine the process. There's nothing self-congratulatory as you'll find most ENFPs admit to feeling guilty and bad for even doing it, but sometimes..it's just necessary. It's not like ENFPs are actually known for being big bullies, quite on the contrary. We often get told we're too easy going. From what I understood, this is about the times we're not and about finetuning it so that we can better understand and judge what the situation requires from how part.

    Perhaps, the glimmer of self-congratulatory tone that you seem to be hearing, is, I think, the part where many of us are not often taken seriously..even when we're genuinely hurt or pissed off. It gets...frustrating. And annoying. The fact that you have to hurt people back in order to be taken seriously at all. Let's just say you're an idiot if you think the average ENFP is a cute fuzzy kitty you can kick without getting clawed open. Unfortunately, many people are such idiots, ime and I for one let them believe what they want as changing their minds requires me to do something that I just don't *wanna* do unless I'm left with no alternative. And it hurts me just as much as it hurts the other person, often even more. And often the other person is blindsighted as they never saw you capable of defending yourself in that way. Meanwhile you've done nothing but try and warn them *NOT* to go there. When you finally blow up on them, they look at you like you're a monster and they never saw it coming. It's kinda..mindboggling and highly irritating.

    It's kinda comparable to laughing at your mom for repeatedly telling you the fire is hot and keeping you away from it to then blaming her for a week for letting you burn your finger since you won't listen to her. I'm sure your mom at that point will also tell you 'I told you so' and tell the story to strangers with some amusement.
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  7. #17
    Certified Sausage Smoker Elfboy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by chana View Post
    people being scared of you because you sound mentally unstable isn't the same as respect..
    I'll reiterate. respect cannot be forced; however, making someone not disrespect you can. he adhered to my personal boundaries and need for space afterword and we had no further confrontation, so I'd call that a win
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  8. #18
    Certified Sausage Smoker Elfboy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Vala Faye View Post
    It's about understanding yourself and the situation better so that next time you can refine the process. There's nothing self-congratulatory as you'll find most ENFPs admit to feeling guilty and bad for even doing it, but sometimes..it's just necessary. It's not like ENFPs are actually known for being big bullies, quite on the contrary. We often get told we're too easy going. From what I understood, this is about the times we're not and about finetuning it so that we can better understand and judge what the situation requires from how part.

    Perhaps, the glimmer of self-congratulatory tone that you seem to be hearing, is, I think, the part where many of us are not often taken seriously..even when we're genuinely hurt or pissed off. It gets...frustrating. And annoying. The fact that you have to hurt people back in order to be taken seriously at all. Let's just say you're an idiot if you think the average ENFP is a cute fuzzy kitty you can kick without getting clawed open. Unfortunately, many people are such idiots, ime and I for one let them believe what they want as changing their minds requires me to do something that I just don't *wanna* do unless I'm left with no alternative. And it hurts me just as much as it hurts the other person, often even more. And often the other person is blindsighted as they never saw you capable of defending yourself in that way. Meanwhile you've done nothing but try and warn them *NOT* to go there. When you finally blow up on them, they look at you like you're a monster and they never saw it coming. It's kinda..mindboggling and highly irritating.

    It's kinda comparable to laughing at your mom for repeatedly telling you the fire is hot and keeping you away from it to then blaming her for a week for letting you burn your finger since you won't listen to her. I'm sure your mom at that point will also tell you 'I told you so' and tell the story to strangers with some amusement.
    ENFPs will finish fights with Te, but it's not in our nature to start them. still, that doesn't mean finishing them can't be fun. I feel great after a refreshing game of "Te bitchslap the haterz"

    Quote Originally Posted by NegativeZero View Post
    You should lighten up. People probably think you're nuts.
    I am crazy, and they did. they still would if I didn't have better manners and tact.

    Quote Originally Posted by iwakar View Post
    This whole thread is weirdly self-congratulatory about something that is not inherently applause-worthy.

    I get pissed off too, but blow-torching people is not a gold star moment for me even if it's justified in my book; it's a learning experience. Perhaps I just don't recognize the purpose/merit of this thread...? It wouldn't be the first time a point has escaped me.

    Ermm, is it about helping identify what sets this process into motion?
    don't you think feel good about yourself for standing up to someone who was in the wrong?
    ENFP: We put the Fi in Fire
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    Sunburst!
    "You are a gay version of Gambit" Speed Gavroche
    "I wish that I could be affected by any hate, but I can't, cuz I just get affected by the bank" Chamillionaire

  9. #19

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    Quote Originally Posted by Vala Faye View Post
    It's about understanding yourself and the situation better so that next time you can refine the process. There's nothing self-congratulatory as you'll find most ENFPs admit to feeling guilty and bad for even doing it, but sometimes..it's just necessary. It's not like ENFPs are actually known for being big bullies, quite on the contrary. We often get told we're too easy going. From what I understood, this is about the times we're not and about finetuning it so that we can better understand and judge what the situation requires from how part.

    Perhaps, the glimmer of self-congratulatory tone that you seem to be hearing, is, I think, the part where many of us are not often taken seriously..even when we're genuinely hurt or pissed off. It gets...frustrating. And annoying. The fact that you have to hurt people back in order to be taken seriously at all. Let's just say you're an idiot if you think the average ENFP is a cute fuzzy kitty you can kick without getting clawed open. Unfortunately, many people are such idiots, ime and I for one let them believe what they want as changing their minds requires me to do something that I just don't *wanna* do unless I'm left with no alternative. And it hurts me just as much as it hurts the other person, often even more. And often the other person is blindsighted as they never saw you capable of defending yourself in that way. Meanwhile you've done nothing but try and warn them *NOT* to go there. When you finally blow up on them, they look at you like you're a monster and they never saw it coming. It's kinda..mindboggling and highly irritating.

    It's kinda comparable to laughing at your mom for repeatedly telling you the fire is hot and keeping you away from it to then blaming her for a week for letting you burn your finger since you won't listen to her. I'm sure your mom at that point will also tell you 'I told you so' and tell the story to strangers with some amusement.
    INFJs, along with every other type experience "being fed up" too; I suppose we could give it a name and a thread, but... eh.

    I do agree that ENFPs can be easy going to the point of abuse and that's definitely no bueno. But I also know that ENFPs can flip the script and leave a trail of blood a mile-wide. When interactions reach that low point, I prefer to walk away. I think ENFPs are more likely than INFJs to retaliate rather than remove themselves from the hostile situation. I suppose it's because Ne+Te is more action-oriented than Ni+Ti.
    "The purpose of life is to be defeated by greater and greater things." - Rainer Maria Rilke

  10. #20
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    This is when walking away is no longer an option. It goes beyond 'being fed-up'. If you read both my stories, there wasn't any room for walking away. Not anymore. I'd already done so repeatedly. In one case there was too much at stake to walk away, the other was a case of not being physically able to avoid the situation. At some point, you take a stand. Also, feel free to make your own thread to figure yourself out better. If you're not interesting in better understanding yourself, or you prefer doing so privately,that works too.
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