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  1. #61
    Undisciplined Starry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Billy View Post
    Arent you even going to ask if he deserved it?
    I wasn't really thinking along the lines of whether the person(s) deserved it or not. I was assuming they probably did (or at least hoping they did LOL). I was just standing in awe of differing ways of handling differing situations - in this case the Te-fail-slap. If someone behaved especially heinous with me it wouldn't occur to me to 'use them up for what I could before...' I don't have that kind of staying-power. Instead...I would merely *magically disappear*. And this might be part of why I am so 'behind' in life LOL! I'm just a big, dumb, squishy-softy ENFP!!! That wants cookies.

  2. #62
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Crescent Fresh View Post
    So this emotional distancing through detachment implies there are many issues which you have been bottling up and didn't want to ignite any emotional Te trip. However, would you consider you're applying this strategy just to "cool it off" or rather that you've given up on this person whom you're in conflict with? Like almost given up on re-bridging?

    By the way, I can learn many essential things from your posts under this thread. Thank you for posting this.
    Ahhh I should've been clearer. This is a strategy I use with what I call 'nibblers'. People who approach me, with whom I don't really have a strong emotional bond, and start digging away at me and trying to get me on the defensive or manipulate me in some way. I tend to know just enough about them to be able to put a mirror in front of them to shake them up and make them realize that they should find another victim. I prefer using Fi instead of Te to deal with people as I am afraid of using Te as a bulldozer and burning bridges in that way though I'm slowly and reluctantly learning that sometimes (especially when you wanna get shit done) it's the easier thing to use.

    I don't have a bridge with these people to begin with, or a very fragile one as it is so at that point I don't mind giving them a choice to either shape up or back off. I'm still reluctant to fully Te-style cut them off though. I prefer it be their choice. And as such, I also don't have any emotional attachment or anything bottled up with them. It's just a self-preservation tactic.

    With people whom I have bonded with, I take care to be wayyyyyy more careful even with Fi and it takes me a looong ass time to get up to the point where I do this as the relationship is precious to me. Ironically, when you pass a certain level of friendship with me, I'm likely to do this again, because you have proven at that point to be solid enough a friend to be able to take my blunt honesty and not take it personally, to not misunderstand my intentions towards you, knowing I'd never harm you on purpose. I might use it as a wake-up call, followed by a reassuring explanation, or even to cut through the bullshit if you're coming to me with a problem, to help you focus and see things clearly. But I only do that with people who I know will not be hurt by it. It also doesnt have the same personal sharpness to it as when I do it out of self-defense.

    Once I bond, there's very little that makes me ever want to burn a bridge in that wa and even less that will make me want to severa bridge forever.

    In fact, the only two people who've ever managed that, and that was through betrayal and actual enjoyment of my pain. Emotional vampirism ftw.

    I do sever bridges amicably when I feel we've drifted apart and fulfilled the part we had to play in each others lives.
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  3. #63
    Crazy Diamond Billy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by StarryKnights View Post
    I wasn't really thinking along the lines of whether the person(s) deserved it or not. I was assuming they probably did (or at least hoping they did LOL). I was just standing in awe of differing ways of handling differing situations - in this case the Te-fail-slap. If someone behaved especially heinous with me it wouldn't occur to me to 'use them up for what I could before...' I don't have that kind of staying-power. Instead...I would merely *magically disappear*. And this might be part of why I am so 'behind' in life LOL! I'm just a big, dumb, squishy-softy ENFP!!! That wants cookies.
    Understood... In that case I was unable to just shut him out, we were involved in a series of partnerships economically that needed to come to a more gradual close as to not shoot myself in the foot. I had a hard desire to be more up front with everything, but I am calm and I have learned patience the hard way through life so I let my plans unfold over the course of a few months.
    Ground control to Major Tom

  4. #64
    Diving into Ni-space Crescent Fresh's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Vala Faye View Post
    Once I bond, there's very little that makes me ever want to burn a bridge in that wa and even less that will make me want to severa bridge forever. I do sever bridges amicably when I feel we've drifted apart and fulfilled the part we had to play in each others lives.
    Those are the qualities which I've learned from my ENFP. I remembered he once said to me that it's all about "the preciousness of people" around him that motivates him to serve others for the sake of achieving his ideal visions. And I consider that as the most admirable qualities from ENFPs, something that I need to work on my own.

  5. #65
    Undisciplined Starry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Billy View Post
    Understood... In that case I was unable to just shut him out, we were involved in a series of partnerships economically that needed to come to a more gradual close as to not shoot myself in the foot. I had a hard desire to be more up front with everything, but I am calm and I have learned patience the hard way through life so I let my plans unfold over the course of a few months.
    This sounds smart to me. Umm...yah I would have ended up taking a massive financial loss because I am so pain/conflict/stress avoidant. Hopefully I can learn some of the lessons you have learned as well.

  6. #66
    Crazy Diamond Billy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by StarryKnights View Post
    This sounds smart to me. Umm...yah I would have ended up taking a massive financial loss because I am so pain/conflict/stress avoidant. Hopefully I can learn some of the lessons you have learned as well.
    Meh, its just that I dont have any real feelings of my own, damned Fe.
    Ground control to Major Tom

  7. #67
    Professional Trickster Esoteric Wench's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 2XtremeENFP View Post
    i have yet to hear a good explanation of this bitchslap im not sure ive ever done it
    I'm just catching up on this thread, so if this has already been answered let me apologize in advance:

    The Te Bitchslap* is an example of and ENFP's Fi and Te working in concert:

    Fi feels indignant about some perceived wrong +
    Te decides to let the perpetrator of said perceived wrong know about it....
    usually in excruciating detail in a very logical manner.
    = ENFP Te Bitchslap

    #1 - When the Te Bitchslap is delivered, the other person's vulnerabilities / social niceties are not taken into consideration. (Letting social niceties take a back seat when a wrong is perceived is very, very Fi.) Marmie Dearest described this aspect of Fi very well in one of her posts:

    Quote Originally Posted by Marmie Dearest View Post
    It's just that Fi is much more concerned with their internal feeling of what is right and true, even if that means being disruptive. It's not like seeking disruption, but not minding if you cause it if it promotes what the Fi user sees as right or true. Authenticity is seen as paramount, even though Fi users may also like harmony. For Fe users it seems that harmony and connection are paramount, even though they may also like authenticity.
    #2 - Te steps in. What is of utmost importance to Te (ENFP's tertiary function) is to communicate in a dispassionate manner how wrong the other person is. Another characteristic of the Te Bitchslap is that it tends to be very well-organized. For example, when I've given a Te Bitchslap in writing, I tend to bullet point and sequentially number it. This is very Te of me. Te likes to figure out how to get to from Point A to Point B in the most logical and concise manner possible. Or think of it like this: Te was made for PowerPoint presentations. Imagine having to deliver a critique of someone via a PowerPoint slide show.... Well you get the idea.

    One More Thing:

    A couple of ENFPs on this thread have mentioned they've never fully experienced delivering a Te Bitchslap. Perhaps this is true. I can only share my personal experience here: I was in my early 30s before I had enough confidence in myself and enough life experience to deliver the Te Bitchslap. The great thing about your 30s is you finally know who you are and what you want. You don't take so much crap from people. And, you're not so afraid to speak your mind. Voila, I was finally able to tap into my Te Bitch-slapping skills.

    One More One More Thing:

    I don't think the Te Bitchslap is necessarily a bad thing. It's more a question of using it responsibly or irresponsibly. It's been my experience that when I've really let go on someone with the Te Bitchslap, they royally deserved it. I think the trick is considering what the social fallout/damage to the other person is going to be just before you deliver the slap. Sometimes the fallout is not worth it. But sometimes it is. <Insert coyly evil grin here.>





    *I think Orobas (on this very forum) came up with the "Te Bitchslap" term. I think it's a great name for this phenomenon. (Please correct me if I'm wrong here.) But in lieu of a correction, let me say thanks to Orobas for this term.
    ENFP with kick*ss Te | 7w8 so | ♀

  8. #68
    Habitual Fi LineStepper JocktheMotie's Avatar
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    Billy gave every ENFP an excuse to whip out this "infamous" Te bitch-slap and they couldn't meekly try to diffuse the situation with nonsense fast enough.

    Delicious.



  9. #69
    Professional Trickster Esoteric Wench's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JocktheMotie View Post
    Billy gave every ENFP an excuse to whip out this "infamous" Te bitch-slap and they couldn't meekly try to diffuse the situation with nonsense fast enough.

    Delicious.
    Booyah! Ha ha!
    ENFP with kick*ss Te | 7w8 so | ♀

  10. #70
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JocktheMotie View Post
    Billy gave every ENFP an excuse to whip out this "infamous" Te bitch-slap and they couldn't meekly try to diffuse the situation with nonsense fast enough.

    Delicious.

    Wait, what? Oh, we were supposed to get all riled up at that? Meh, not worth the effort.
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





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