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  1. #1
    Diving into Ni-space Crescent Fresh's Avatar
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    Default NF Male and Masculinity

    I'll offer a few examples based on my personal experience through interacted with them. And I don't mean to stereotype any of NF types. Here it goes:


    I noticed one of the common trait from ENFP males are they happened to exhibit their masculinity through being 'overtly' fighty. Typically the choice of languages that they use. Perhaps that's why they tend to enjoy having verbal fights and somewhat got carried over easily.

    INFJ males are too supportive and emotional to a point that immediately it strikes as a BFF material. They're so giving and have a very protective nature to friends and it seems very difficult for them to talk 'loudly' with zest as most of the time I felt they're too soft-spoken.

    ENJF males are as outgoing as ENFP males. The only difference I found is that ENFPs tend to be comfortable at taking risk by making the first move; whereas ENFJs male prefer to drop hints or play a little hard to catch. I also find them to be a bit quite chatty, though the good thing is that they are able to focus on you or a certain topic without a sudden change of topics. And they're good listeners.

    I have yet to meet an INFP male, so I don't have any comment about them.


    However, I found all of the above NF type males are very intouch with sensitivity. For example, I've heard openly from a few ENFPs that they had cried over watching a certain movies of books. It seems they're quite comfortable to express their sensitive emotions. INFJs do this as well, but usually during private conversations.

    They all seem not to be hyper-sensitive in criticism to a point that you can tell from their facial expressions. I also know quite a few ENFPs didn't take it lightly when people criticize their style of clothes or the way they talk (goofiness, especially).


    So my question to NF male here is that, how do you work on masculinity? Do you find yourself accepting easily or constantly trying to struggle with this?

  2. #2
    Diving into Ni-space Crescent Fresh's Avatar
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    Now I realized I don't have enough INFP male friends by starting this thread, though I happen to know quite a few INFP females IRL.

  3. #3
    morose bourgeoisie
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    Whats the question?

  4. #4
    Courage is immortality Valiant's Avatar
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    He's basically asking if we have any advice on how to be a man while still retaining the good parts about who we are. It is a pretty damn hard balance...
    NF men have a tendency to either over-compensate (it can be pretty ridiculous. I admit I do this sometimes) or be total sissies.
    I don't really know, but it seems like it sort of evens out with age and experience.
    Personally, I have found that experiencing everything between hardship and happiness has made me much more practical, strong etc. People have always thought I was a rock, though.
    Always been solid and dependable as hell, at least when it matters. People might have to need to ASK for my help, though. I don't notice stuff if i'm not with them.

    Well... Like few other things, becoming a man is pretty hard. I would probably say that NFs aren't at all worse off than many others, because we begin in what I feel is the right end of things.
    Better to be inter/intrapersonally gifted and learn other stuff later than to have an easy time with other stuff yet be a complete retard when it comes to social things and matters of the heart.

    Anyway... I ramble. Just be yourself, go out and experience life. It (life) will probably hand you your ass a few times if you choose to LIVE life, but you'll turn out all the better if you survive it.
    Hell, i'm only 24 years old so I don't know. I have struggled a lot with this, especially from age 12 to 22 or so. Kinda found my style after a while.
    It's pretty nice not having to act about who I am anymore, and still not be considered a sissy. I've been through a disproportionate amount of shit, but it's like i've become resistant to it.
    I have identified the things that make my life bad, and I am slowly changing it to be a positive one.
    Setbacks are always present, even now I have two separate feelings of loss gnawing at the pit of my stomach: I have cut ties with my father today, completely. So did my brother and my little sister. He has simply gone too far, for too long.
    Secondly, I was dumped by the girl i've been dating this saturday, which still sucks but pales in comparison to the actual loss of a parent and the effective loss of two since my mother still lives with him. INFJ loyalty... Choleric ENTP, unhealthy as HELL.

    Anyway, nevermind. I said I was rambling, and I am not sure what my point is at all. Perhaps there just isn't one except that you'll live and learn, Crescent. I do hope it goes well.

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  5. #5
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
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    ENFP men make good friends. I have a couple in real life. But it's true they get too aggressive when attempting to assert their masculinity. It comes across as disingenuous since they use emotional manipulation to do so. For some reason the song "one of these things is not like the other", comes to mind.

  6. #6

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    I have an ex-boyfriend who is an INFJ. He would alternate between being really mopey, sensitive and sweet to being really raunchy, witty and fun. It was like he would snap out of his "normal" state and say "oh shit, I'm not masculine enough" and then just lay it on real thick. I loved it when that happened.

    But sometimes I felt like I was stepping on eggshells around him cause I never knew what it was I could say that would make him recoil and get emotional. I think we both kind of struggled with "switched traditional gender roles" in that relationship. I wonder if other INFJ males are similar to him in that respect.

  7. #7
    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
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    I honestly think this is something that comes with age for any type. That said, I have known my ENFJ since our early 30's. He's always has a great balance of masculine and sensitive traits. I've never really seen an assertion of masculinity when he felt he wasn't being enough.
    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.

  8. #8
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    I believe that ENFP males may be more likely to come across as more "masculine" in some ways because they have a more SP-ish vibe a lot of the time. Henry Miller is a great example of this.

  9. #9
    Certified Sausage Smoker Elfboy's Avatar
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    I noticed one of the common trait from ENFP males are they happened to exhibit their masculinity through being 'overtly' fighty. Typically the choice of languages that they use. Perhaps that's why they tend to enjoy having verbal fights and somewhat got carried over easily.
    this is true of me, but it is not true of most ENFP males. most ENFP males are ditsy and goofy 80% of the time, serious 10% of the time and sad/angry about 10% of the time
    personally, I am both masculine and feminine, but I would prefer it if I was more feminine. overt masculinity usually off putting to me unless it is balanced with some sort of grace and poise. I suppose growing up in Kansas will do this to you though. living in such close proximity to lots of rednecks made me think "that is disgusting, I NEVER want to be like that" so for a while I pretended to be more feminine than was natural for me. the fact that I'm a complete anime junky didn't help either, with its interpretations of unnaturally graceful, beautiful men.
    it wasn't until I started studying business and watching a few older movies that I realized being masculine was possible while also being graceful, poised and pleasant.
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  10. #10
    Earth Exalted Thursday's Avatar
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    If anyone is too much of anything, an over-compensation is natural if self-conscious about it. The only thing that I can admonish is that to be careful and true to yourself. Masculine doesn't mean man; being a man means being honest, responsible for your actions, a provider and protector, and all and all, to think of others more than yourself. So when you man up, make sure its not too foreign to your inherent character
    I N V I C T U S

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