User Tag List

Results 1 to 8 of 8

Thread: Helping an INFJ

  1. #1
    Junior Member Hobotastic's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    9w1
    Posts
    17

    Default Helping an INFJ

    My friend who is an INFJ was in a relationship with a VERY unhealthy ENFJ, and she, the ENFJ, tore him to pieces and used him (This isn't a bash ENFJ's thread, as I said, she is a very unhealthy ENFJ) and he thought he would be able to fix her, but he really just opened his heart right up to her and she decided to hurt him, a lot.
    Even though that was a while ago, I hate to see him suffering every time she decides to do or say anything involving him, because he genuinely cared about her and sort of still does, what would be the best way to help him? I feel terrible just sitting by and seeing him in so much pain D:
    "It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society." Jiddu Krishnamurti

  2. #2
    Senior Member sulfit's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    6w5 sp/so
    Posts
    492

    Default

    Be there for him emotionally and help him see the truth.

  3. #3
    Member Moxiest's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    4
    Posts
    84

    Default

    Maybe distract him with other options? :/ I don't know... ENFJ's aren't supposed to be one of the better matches for INFJ's... does he know this?

  4. #4
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    6w5 sp/sx
    Posts
    3,939

    Default

    Time and distance are the only cures sometimes. Do they have to be around each other/somewhat involved in each other's lives still, or can he remove her from his life...sounds like that's probably the best thing!

    Otherwise...if you can be there when he wants to vent, and listen in a non-judgmental way, that would probably help a lot!

    And if he makes some kind of weird-sounding request like "please don't ever mention her to me again or say her name in my presence or update me on what's happening with her", don't tell him he's overreacting or anything...just go along with it...I've asked people to do that for me before :S
    Female
    INFJ
    Enneagram 6w5 sp/sx


    I DOORSLAMMING

  5. #5
    Senior Member Lily flower's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    2
    Posts
    931

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Moxiest View Post
    Maybe distract him with other options? :/ I don't know... ENFJ's aren't supposed to be one of the better matches for INFJ's... does he know this?
    This is totally not true. ENFJ's are one of the best matches for INFJ's.

  6. #6
    Member Moxiest's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    4
    Posts
    84

    Default

    Lilyflower, where did you obtain this data?

  7. #7
    Junior Member Hobotastic's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    9w1
    Posts
    17

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Moxiest View Post
    Maybe distract him with other options? :/ I don't know... ENFJ's aren't supposed to be one of the better matches for INFJ's... does he know this?
    He's not into MBTI that much. I had him take a test and the accuracy scared him away from it xD
    Thanks for the suggestions, he now lives 7 states away, broke his phone and is now renounced her from his life just today, so I guess the only thing I can do for him is listen when he wants to vent :/
    "It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society." Jiddu Krishnamurti

  8. #8
    Senior Member Phoenix's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Posts
    316

    Default

    I was an ENFJ in a bad 8 year relationship with an unhealthy ENFP. Soon as my marriage was over, the first thing I sought out was comforting company [but that was probably due to my enneagram type as well: 6w5] ... my personal needs are emotional support, empathy, consideration and just someone who will be there for me when I want to vent - and I really need to vent a lot before I can start feeling better after a bad relationship.

    ENFJ's bane is being alone, and not being contacted. We try to reach out to people once or twice, and if we don't get an emotionally warm response, we tend to become even more reclusive and avoidant. For us seeking help [especially when we're so used to giving it all the time] is very difficult - so we end up expecting it rather than actively seeking it.

    I would suggested contacting the ENFJ every now and then through texts, e-mails and phonecalls. If you feel as though the ENFJ is really weighing in on you emotionally and over-whelming you with his rants, then please bear with him for that duration - instead of becoming over-whelmed and backing away. Usually when we're allowed to rant to someone, it's a huge flood of emotions but we eventually do come out of it and then start returning the "favour" through our own way.

Similar Threads

  1. [MBTItm] Long, weird on/off interaction with an ENTP and an INFJ: Help?
    By StarsPer in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 16
    Last Post: 03-01-2011, 10:37 PM
  2. [INFJ] Help Me! I'n an INFJ!
    By Motor Jax in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 14
    Last Post: 05-09-2009, 07:32 AM
  3. [INFJ] Bebe Le Strange : How to Spot an INFJ
    By Thursday in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 111
    Last Post: 11-22-2008, 02:06 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO