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  1. #11
    Diving into Ni-space Crescent Fresh's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cascadeco View Post
    (uh.. sorry. Seriously didn't intend to tangent on that)
    No problem! Actually I'm glad to see I'm not the only INFJ who do this, it reassures me that it's quite common to our traits.

  2. #12
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    I'm a bit more cut off from animals than I used to be, living in the big city...though I love seeing the urban foxes near my building I've always had a deep love for animals and hate seeing them suffer, especially anything needless or cruel. But I'm more sensitive to human suffering now.

    Cascade, about something like the Congo situation - I also find that extremely distressing because a civil war there that killed millions was almost overlooked in Western media, and there is all kinds of ongoing stuff there. Some of that has come closer to home now because I personally know Congolese and Ivoirians, more so than before (they're in my congregation) and I have heard stories of their family members being affected and so on.

    It always makes a difference for me to have some connection. I know a couple in Oslo and have friends here who know more people there...I know people in Japan, and though they were away from the disaster area they have friends who lost friends and family...etc.

    And also, sometimes I am overwhelmed by the fact that this (anything) is just the tip of the iceberg. There are so many people out there suffering and you will simply never hear about them.
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  3. #13
    Senior Member Sparrow's Avatar
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    Oh gosh I totally relate to the OP. I had to force myself to stop listenig to talk radio when the Japanese tsunami event happened. It totally affected me, I tuned in daily and was depressed for a month. Anytime I see others suffering (and even feeling joy, which is cool!) it's like their emotions are transferred to me! Dude, watching those cooking competition shows even get me emotionally riled up!!! Gordon Ramsey would probably tell me to grow some bullocks lol!
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  4. #14
    Undisciplined Starry's Avatar
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    I totally relate to the OP as well. Actually, in light of recent events, it's a bit to painful to even talk about. But I at least wanted to say that SilkRoad is NOT alone with regards to her sentiments.

  5. #15
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    I relate to the OP as well. I was doing ok there for a while in that for a year or two it seemed like I'd finally toughened up about such things. But not the case. I don't let myself watch really upsetting things beyond a cursory look, because I don't deal well with not being able to do very much about it.

    I've tried to trace where such feelings originate in order to hack them, but as much as I acknowledge that suffering is inherent and the world isn't a fair place, just cannot help but feel a great deal of sadness over big and little tragedies. It even upsets me greatly when someone doesn't get to live the life they wanted if I think about that too much. :-( Lately I've been wondering if it means I should be more engaged in giving somehow, and if not living more of a life like that is where my discomfort arises from. *shrug*

    My compassion is not on tap though. If I can tell that someone is not compassionate AND that they can only feel deeply for themselves/they are manipulative, I can't feel for them at all. Even when I know their life hasn't been very nice. It's one of the few things that turns me to stone.

  6. #16
    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    This isn't necessarily an NF-specific topic, so I'd certainly like to hear any comments. I think it's probably something we're especially prone to though.

    I find myself extremely affected by disasters, terrible acts like the Norwegian massacre this weekend, tragic news stories and so on. I can't stop myself from crying when confronted with people's grief, but more than that, I have a tendency to vividly imagine "what it must have like to be there". I have felt like that while watching the news this weekend and reading or hearing about people watching their friends being shot before their eyes; reading about the recovery of the Air France black box, the last ten minutes of that flight, feeling a tiny echo of the fear those people went through, wondering whether (as some stories suggested) they escaped the knowledge that the plane was plummeting to disaster, or not.

    I visited Auschwitz a few years ago and though I cried while I was there, I think I went into a little bit of shock too. In the days and weeks after I had a hard time stopping thinking about it and kept crying whenever I did. I had a particularly hard time with the memory of the piles of suitcases recovered from victims because they all had names and addresses on them, and each name and address made me imagine that individual life - then multiply its tragic and evil loss by millions. I still well up when I think about or talk about visiting that place.

    I do believe that the media exacerbates this kind of thing by its focus on tragic and shocking details, and I find it hard to look away from tragic news stories. Sometimes I realise that I've taken in too much and it's affecting me too much. My parents (who live far away, but I talk to them about once a week by phone) have realised that this affects me badly and I think they worry about that particularly as I live alone. When I started talking with them yesterday about the tragedy in Norway, they very quickly said "try not to dwell on it too much and try not to take in too much of the news - it's not good for you". Not that they want me to put my head in the sand or stop acknowledging the evil in the world, but they know it has a very unsettling effect on me.

    This may not be so type-related, perhaps I am just highly sensitive in this area. I do find it hard to not leap straight to that vivid imagining of terrible events, almost as though I'm there or was there. It's also worse if I feel some sort of connection, even if it is kind of nebulous. I'm half Scandinavian, though not Norwegian, and have been to Oslo, and it just seems both easier and harder to imagine, if you know what I mean. Or with the plane disaster, I have a fear of flying phobia and even turbulence really does bad things to me.
    Not to be stepping on toes here but...doesn't this sort of concern you? I mean it must take a tremendous amount of energy alone to "feel" for so much in the world. I know my ENFJ is sympathetic and there are things that really effect him but he is more like the majority of replies in this thread. Of course I am asking because I honestly have no grasp of this. The Amy Winehouse thing got a....wow....I didn't see THAT coming....and then I didn't think about it again.
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  7. #17
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ceecee View Post
    Not to be stepping on toes here but...doesn't this sort of concern you? I mean it must take a tremendous amount of energy alone to "feel" for so much in the world. I know my ENFJ is sympathetic and there are things that really effect him but he is more like the majority of replies in this thread. Of course I am asking because I honestly have no grasp of this. The Amy Winehouse thing got a....wow....I didn't see THAT coming....and then I didn't think about it again.
    Yeah, it does take a lot of energy, and yeah, it does concern me somewhat...probably wouldn't have posted about it otherwise

    I didn't get upset exactly over Amy Winehouse, I'm sure I would have been more had I been a fan though - that's the shallow nature of fandom, I suppose. I have a friend who said she cried for days when Michael Jackson died.

    Having "no grasp of it" is, to me, at one extreme. I'm probably closer to the other extreme. Like most things, it's probably better to be somewhere in the middle...
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  8. #18
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Huxley3112 View Post
    Edit: After further consideration.. I tend to wonder if this is something to be found in FI.. a weighing up of priority, if you will. THe large scale event doesn't often hit home enough for me to become passionate.. because everyone else is supporting. My unique efforts are not as neccessary.. but the other day at Walgreens I saw this dark skinned man walk in with a backpack on him.. and the cashier refused to allow him in the store with it, told him he had to drop it with her.. which may have been allright if that was "just the policy".. but then there was a few white kids in the store with backpacks on them that were not advised of said policy. So this is one tiny event that hit my Fi HARD.. because a whole line of people are standing there clearly observing what I must have been.. a targeting.. and no one says or does a dam thing.. just stands there with a stupid look on their faces. The guy didn't speak english well enough to argue with the cashier, he was entirely confused (probably because he was looking at other people in the store with packs on them?) and I felt COMPELLED to point it out to the cashier. I told her "you can't really enforce that policy unless you enforce it for everyone. You have 3 other people in your store with packs on them.. so you'd have to either tell them to come drop their packs too, or what your doing is highly questionable and offensive." She dropped the argument. *Fi victory dance*
    I don't know if it's Fi? I mean, maybe there are trends where it is more apt to be an Fi thing, but I relate far more to your example than to a remote event which in the end I am powerless to effect any real change/a difference, and where I know there are a lot of people in the midst of it, doing real good and really knowing what's going on, firsthand, and therefore having the ability to make a tangible impact. And, I wager there are just as many Fi-ers joining groups/causes (Peace Corp, various Activist groups) or publically mourning various tragedies (Diana, the AZ congresswoman, and so on) as there are Fe-ers -- it would just depend on the given value set of the person, or how much the particular event or death/person impacted & triggered that person.
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  9. #19
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    I do think that a lot of people choose not to feel as much as they otherwise might as a survival/coping mechanism.

    EDIT: Talking about extremes for these kinds of feelings...the friend I mentioned who cried for days when MJ died? She lost an ex-boyfriend who she was still totally in love with in a motorcycle crash. The point when I really started getting worried about what it had done to her mental health was when she said she couldn't stop picturing his body cold and alone in the ground (he wasn't cremated), being eaten by maggots etc. That truly freaked me out and made me worried for her.

    Mind you, I think she's an FP and I probably can't rival the intensity of her feelings in the moment (and would not want to), with regard to disasters or anything else (it sounded like she pictured the terror of the people on the Air France flight more vividly than I did, when we spoke of it.) But she moves on from whatever those feelings are more quickly than I do. ie. she'd sworn she would never love again after the above-mentioned guy died, but less than a year later she was married to someone else. But I digress, I suppose.
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  10. #20
    Senior Member Santosha's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cascadeco View Post
    I don't know if it's Fi? I mean, maybe there are trends where it is more apt to be an Fi thing, but I relate far more to your example than to a remote event which in the end I am powerless to effect any real change/a difference, and where I know there are a lot of people in the midst of it, doing real good and really knowing what's going on, firsthand, and therefore having the ability to make a tangible impact. And, I wager there are just as many Fi-ers joining groups/causes (Peace Corp, various Activist groups) or publically mourning various tragedies (Diana, the AZ congresswoman, and so on) as there are Fe-ers -- it would just depend on the given value set of the person, or how much the particular event or death/person impacted & triggered that person.
    Yes, these are all good points. I guess I was looking at is in.. Fi weighs up what is of value... and it's possible that since ENFP's (but not exclusively) enjoy being the finders of cause (Ne.. newly discovered) they may not put tremendous stock into large events for the reasons I mentioned. BUt I believe your right.. I do not think it is exclusive.. possibly a small pattern, possibly no pattern. I've also noticed a few INTJ's highly affected by large scale trajedy. I wonder if Ni users are better at initially understanding long term implications and the sheer mangitude of something that an Ne user may not see right way..
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