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  1. #1
    ✿ڿڰۣஇღ♥ wut ♥ღஇڿڰۣ✿ digesthisickness's Avatar
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    Default ENTP chick with serious question about INFP boyfriend

    As an ENTP chick, I have a very real awareness of just how non-feminine I can be. (For those of you who don't have this problem, whoopdie-do, this isn't about you.)

    Sure, sure, I love make-up (it brings out some creativity), and sure, sure, i love lingerie and pretty bras and panties, but when it comes to the stereotypical 'femaleness', i find myself lacking. it's extremely hard to explain as... well, all i can do is ask that you use what you already know regarding the differences between T and F women. I'm sure, if you've been on this site for any length of time, you've already noticed that there definitely is one.

    My question is this: what the hell is wrong with my INFP boyfriend that he PREFERS this over the NF counterpart? it makes no sense to me. If anyone has any idea, i'd appreciate the insight.

    Also, i'm very aware that i should just relax and enjoy it, and i do, i do, but... i'm also an analyzer. i can't help that. And, it bugs me that i can't figure this out. it bothers me that i can't just totally relax and assume 'this' will always be prefered.

    i humbly defer to the much more qualified.
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  2. #2
    Superwoman Red Herring's Avatar
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    There is a theory that we prefer our mirror image. According to that theory, a very masculine guy will be attrackted to very feminine women and a very feminine woman will look for a masculine guy. On the other hand, somebody closer to the middle might prefer somebody closer to the middle. A somewhat softer INFP guy would be complemented by a less girly ENTP female. You balance each other out that way.

    As an NT female, an NF male would be your ideal match*. Enjoy!

    (If you look at functions, you might connect via Ne but balance Ti/Fe with Fi/Te, sounds like a good combo)
    The good life is one inspired by love and guided by knowledge. Neither love without knowledge, nor knowledge without love can produce a good life. - Bertrand Russell
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  3. #3
    Undisciplined Starry's Avatar
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    In my experience (keyword MY) – NFs do not somehow automatically adhere to traditional gender rolls/stereotypes. Yes, we can be a little on the romantic side. But the NFs that I know actually reject all the trappings generally associated with ‘what is feminine’ and ‘what is masculine’. In fact…the fact that you indicated that you ‘love make-up’ and utilized the word ‘panties’ instead of ‘underwear’ leads me to believe that you are far more feminine than I (and the other female NFs I know irl).

    With that said…the INFP males I know irl (and the ISFP males as well)…tend to be slightly more feminine at heart – or I should say they possess characteristics that society may typically assign a label of ‘feminine’ in nature. In this way…perhaps he feels balanced out by you. I think this is a beautiful thing. I wouldn’t question it. I don’t know if this is what is coming into play in your situation – but either way I feel very happy for you!

  4. #4
    ✿ڿڰۣஇღ♥ wut ♥ღஇڿڰۣ✿ digesthisickness's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Red Herring View Post
    There is a theory that we prefer our mirror image. According to that theory, a very masculine guy will be attrackted to very feminine women and a very feminine woman will look for a masculine guy. On the other hand, somebody closer to the middle might prefer somebody closer to the middle. A somewhat softer INFP guy would be complemented by a less girly ENTP female. You balance each other out that way.

    As an NT female, an NF male would be your ideal match*. Enjoy!

    (If you look at functions, you might connect via Ne but balance Ti/Fe with Fi/Te, sounds like a good combo)
    ah, thanks! i'll definitely look into that. having said that, below my reply to starryknights, i have an additional question.

    Quote Originally Posted by StarryKnights View Post
    In my experience (keyword MY) – NFs do not somehow automatically adhere to traditional gender rolls/stereotypes. Yes, we can be a little on the romantic side. But the NFs that I know actually reject all the trappings generally associated with ‘what is feminine’ and ‘what is masculine’. In fact…the fact that you indicated that you ‘love make-up’ and utilized the word ‘panties’ instead of ‘underwear’ leads me to believe that you are far more feminine than I (and the other female NFs I know irl).

    With that said…the INFP males I know irl (and the ISFP males as well)…tend to be slightly more feminine at heart – or I should say they possess characteristics that society may typically assign a label of ‘feminine’ in nature. In this way…perhaps he feels balanced out by you. I think this is a beautiful thing. I wouldn’t question it. I don’t know if this is what is coming into play in your situation – but either way I feel very happy for you!
    thanks. please know that i didn't mean anything at all BAD about the NF females' differences. actually, you put it into words better than i did. what i meant was more of the softness, romance...ness? that i lack.

    what you've both said does make sense. he's said practically the same thing regarding 'balance', and i do believe that he feels the way he says he does (however, that took quite a while), but it's that lingering hyper-awareness i have of this not being a good thing before. ever. meaning, my qualities have never been a man's balance this way.

    here it is, the additional question. can someone define the phrase, 'balance each other out'? i can intuitively get it, but can't grasp it like i want to. like i need to right now.
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  5. #5
    Senior Member redcheerio's Avatar
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    It could be similar to the reasons ENFPs around here love INTJs? You keep him emotionally grounded, while he takes you to deeper levels of emotional intimacy? Seems like a good balance to have in a relationship, and fun that you share Ne....

  6. #6
    ✿ڿڰۣஇღ♥ wut ♥ღஇڿڰۣ✿ digesthisickness's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by redcheerio View Post
    It could be similar to the reasons ENFPs around here love INTJs? You keep him emotionally grounded, while he takes you to deeper levels of emotional intimacy? Seems like a good balance to have in a relationship, and fun that you share Ne....
    hmm. that is a really good example of another way to see the same type thing. oddly, i understand it more when viewing it in others. what i get so easily is the part that the NT gets from the NF; what i don't get is what the NF gets from the NT. what is 'emotionally grounded'? see my problem?

    maybe i'm so friggen grounded that my ability to see is blocked by all the dirt.
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  7. #7
    Superwoman Red Herring's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by digesthisickness View Post

    ... but it's that lingering hyper-awareness i have of this not being a good thing before. ever. meaning, my qualities have never been a man's balance his way.
    Ha ha, I think I know what you mean. Is this your first NF (or feeler)? That might explain it.

    here it is, the additional question. can someone define the phrase, 'balance each other out'? i can intuitively get it, but can't grasp it like i want to. like i need to right now.
    "Balance out", I would say, means that you have two people with opposing strengths and weaknesses. Two Js will probably often get into each others hair. Two Ps might just hang all day and never get anything done because they enforce each other's slacker tendencies (been there, done that!). If a P and a J get together, they might reach a healthy middle point and learn from each other. The P might get a bit more structured and the J might soften up a little. Or they divide tasks and everybody does what they are good at (the J organizes stuff and the P does the neccessary improvising, etc.). Pretty much the same thing goes for I and E, S and N and F and T.
    The good life is one inspired by love and guided by knowledge. Neither love without knowledge, nor knowledge without love can produce a good life. - Bertrand Russell
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  8. #8
    ✿ڿڰۣஇღ♥ wut ♥ღஇڿڰۣ✿ digesthisickness's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Red Herring View Post
    Ha ha, I think I know what you mean. Is this your first NF (or feeler)? That might explain it.
    heh. yeah, it is. i've had plenty of NF friends, but never anything remotely romantic.



    Quote Originally Posted by Red Herring View Post
    "Balance out", I would say, means that you have two people with opposing strengths and weaknesses. Two Js will probably often get into each others hair. Two Ps might just hang all day and never get anything done because they enforce each other's slacker tendencies (been there, done that!). If a P and a J get together, they might reach a healthy middle point and learn from each other. The P might get a bit more structured and the J might soften up a little. Or they divide tasks and everybody does what they are good at (the J organizes stuff and the P does the neccessary improvising, etc.). Pretty much the same thing goes for I and E, S and N and F and T.
    okay, i get it. what i don't get is how the NT 'emotionally grounds' an NF. sounds painful.
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  9. #9
    (blankpages) Xenon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by digesthisickness View Post
    what i get so easily is the part that the NT gets from the NF; what i don't get is what the NF gets from the NT.
    Me too. It's funny, 'cause I've heard Feelers who like Thinkers say the exact opposite (I recall a thread started by an F guy questioning why Ts would want to be with Fs, particularly T women). Our weaknesses are very noticeable to us, and when others have something we lack that's very noticeable too. It's usually harder to see the other side of the fence. Our strengths are natural to us; that's just how we are, we've never had to really think about it, and often it doesn't even occur to us that someone else might struggle with something that comes naturally to us.

    I dunno, maybe some F can explain what they like about Ts.

  10. #10
    Superwoman Red Herring's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by digesthisickness View Post
    hmm. that is a really good example of another way to see the same type thing. oddly, i understand it more when viewing it in others. what i get so easily is the part that the NT gets from the NF; what i don't get is what the NF gets from the NT. what is 'emotionally grounded'? see my problem?

    maybe i'm so friggen grounded that my ability to see is blocked by all the dirt.
    Emotionally grounded probably means that your first approach will be to Ne/Ti you way out of a problem (i.e. look for a creative but rational solution) while Fi/Ne might show a more emotional reaction ("OMG, that's just wrong! What's gonna happen now?"). That's how you repay your NF for his sweet mushiness and his teaching you to get in touch with your feelings (or whatever INFPs do )

    More importantly: Have you asked him? If so, what does he say?
    That might be more effective than having a bunch of strangers speculate about you two based only on type (unless this thread is really more of an academic question,...I just got the impression it was more of a personal matter)
    The good life is one inspired by love and guided by knowledge. Neither love without knowledge, nor knowledge without love can produce a good life. - Bertrand Russell
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