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  1. #11
    Ginkgo
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    Quote Originally Posted by digesthisickness View Post
    ah, thanks! i'll definitely look into that. having said that, below my reply to starryknights, i have an additional question.



    thanks. please know that i didn't mean anything at all BAD about the NF females' differences. actually, you put it into words better than i did. what i meant was more of the softness, romance...ness? that i lack.

    what you've both said does make sense. he's said practically the same thing regarding 'balance', and i do believe that he feels the way he says he does (however, that took quite a while), but it's that lingering hyper-awareness i have of this not being a good thing before. ever. meaning, my qualities have never been a man's balance this way.

    here it is, the additional question. can someone define the phrase, 'balance each other out'? i can intuitively get it, but can't grasp it like i want to. like i need to right now.
    Do you have any lingering expectation for him to be harder than he is?

  2. #12
    Anew Leaf
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    Quote Originally Posted by blankpages View Post
    Me too. It's funny, 'cause I've heard Feelers who like Thinkers say the exact opposite (I recall a thread started by an F guy questioning why Ts would want to be with Fs, particularly T women). Our weaknesses are very noticeable to us, and when others have something we lack that's very noticeable too. It's usually harder to see the other side of the fence. Our strengths are natural to us; that's just how we are, we've never had to really think about it, and often it doesn't even occur to us that someone else might struggle with something that comes naturally to us.

    I dunno, maybe some F can explain what they like about Ts.
    What I like about NT's:
    • They are objective
    • Good problem solvers
    • Good idea generators
    • Similar enough so they aren't an alien, but different enough to provide balance.
    • Let me be as emotional as I like, but help make sure that I don't go overboard.
    • Really good at getting to the center of an issue.
    • Much better about not taking things personally, and helping me do the same.


    I like NFs for my friends, but in a SO, the last thing I need is someone cheering me on as I run pell-mell off the cliffs of insanity inside the Forest of Fi.

    P.S. @digesthisickness - ENTPs are awesome! I love that Ne interaction.

  3. #13
    Undisciplined Starry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by digesthisickness View Post
    please know that i didn't mean anything at all BAD about the NF females' differences. actually, you put it into words better than i did. what i meant was more of the softness, romance...ness? that i lack.
    Oh whoops no. I totally took what you said at face-value - I didn't pick up on any vibe that you were saying or thinking anything 'bad' about NF females. And strangely (that we are on that subject) - that is what I like about NTs. I'm kinda too tired to speak to 'balancing each other out' and 'filling in each others blanks'...but I can tell you what I like about NTs. It is that in general they say what the mean and mean what they say. And they are difficult to offend. And it is all of THAT that makes NTs a comfort to be around. Like...as NF...I'm already hard-wired to 'please'...and try to think for others and anticipate their needs. God it can be so exhausting. It's like one big co-dependant relationship with the entire planet. And so being with an NT is a total relief. They are going to tell me the good, the bad and the ugly. They won't leave me guessing. In their presence I can let go of all that worry. It is a wonderful feeling.

  4. #14
    ✿ڿڰۣஇღ♥ wut ♥ღஇڿڰۣ✿ digesthisickness's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by blankpages View Post
    Me too. It's funny, 'cause I've heard Feelers who like Thinkers say the exact opposite (I recall a thread started by an F guy questioning why Ts would want to be with Fs, particularly T women). Our weaknesses are very noticeable to us, and when others have something we lack that's very noticeable too. It's usually harder to see the other side of the fence. Our strengths are natural to us; that's just how we are, we've never had to really think about it, and often it doesn't even occur to us that someone else might struggle with something that comes naturally to us.

    I dunno, maybe some F can explain what they like about Ts.
    exactly! i've never had this situation come up personally before, and now that it has, suddenly it matters. it made 'okay' sense all of these years when hearing about these connections with others, but once in it, i find myself needing definitions, examples, knowledge, knowledge, knowledge. otherwise, i may accidentally screw something up. it IS romance, after all.

    Quote Originally Posted by Red Herring View Post
    Emotionally grounded probably means that your first approach will be to Ne/Ti you way out of a problem (i.e. look for a creative but rational solution) while Fi/Ne might show a more emotional reaction ("OMG, that's just wrong! What's gonna happen now?"). That's how you repay your NF for his sweet mushiness and his teaching you to get in touch with your feelings (or whatever INFPs do )
    maybe that's what i need, more problems. so i can pay attention to what's going on and learn from it.

    Quote Originally Posted by Red Herring View Post
    More importantly: Have you asked him? If so, what does he say?
    That might be more effective than having a bunch of strangers speculate about you two based only on type (unless this thread is really more of an academic question,...I just got the impression it was more of a personal matter)
    i have indeed. basically, he repeats the same thing the NFs did at first. that i 'balance him out' and 'ground him', but when i ask him to explain, all he knows is that he loves me just like i am, and then he pounces. i can't concentrate with that crap going on.

    it is academic as well. while it's based on my situation, it's mostly about type, since he and i actually get along beautifully. i figured type would be an okay basis for the questioning since when i asked him, he said what i'd heard so many NFs say so many times. perhaps this thread will help someone else as well. that would be a great bonus.

    Quote Originally Posted by Ginkgo View Post
    Do you have any lingering expectation for him to be harder than he is?
    no, not at all. we'd butt heads if he changed. he stands up for himself, but as it is, we don't clash at all. we simply take the other for who and what they are, whether we agree or not, and instead of arguing, we just seem to add it to the 'things we know about the other' list.
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  5. #15
    Ginkgo
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    Are you sure you don't want him to get hard for you?

  6. #16
    ✿ڿڰۣஇღ♥ wut ♥ღஇڿڰۣ✿ digesthisickness's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Saturned View Post
    What I like about NT's:
    • They are objective
    • Good problem solvers
    • Good idea generators
    • Similar enough so they aren't an alien, but different enough to provide balance.
    • Let me be as emotional as I like, but help make sure that I don't go overboard.
    • Really good at getting to the center of an issue.
    • Much better about not taking things personally, and helping me do the same.


    I like NFs for my friends, but in a SO, the last thing I need is someone cheering me on as I run pell-mell off the cliffs of insanity inside the Forest of Fi.

    P.S. @digesthisickness - ENTPs are awesome! I love that Ne interaction.
    wow, great list. it helped a lot. the explanation did as well. i hadn't given thought to the fact that he can be as NF as he likes around me, and he can. it's also true that i don't take things personally, which he found out early on. as a matter of fact, now that i think about it, when he began opening up to me, he found out quickly that i'm also practically impossible to shock, and he seemed to appreciate that. that i took what he carried as a secret weight inside him as simply "being human" and took it further by appreciating his honesty and openness. hmm. thanks.

    Quote Originally Posted by StarryKnights View Post
    Oh whoops no. I totally took what you said at face-value - I didn't pick up on any vibe that you were saying or thinking anything 'bad' about NF females. And strangely (that we are on that subject) - that is what I like about NTs. I'm kinda too tired to speak to 'balancing each other out' and 'filling in each others blanks'...but I can tell you what I like about NTs. It is that in general they say what the mean and mean what they say. And they are difficult to offend. And it is all of THAT that makes NTs a comfort to be around. Like...as NF...I'm already hard-wired to 'please'...and try to think for others and anticipate their needs. God it can be so exhausting. It's like one big co-dependant relationship with the entire planet. And so being with an NT is a total relief. They are going to tell me the good, the bad and the ugly. They won't leave me guessing. In their presence I can let go of all that worry. It is a wonderful feeling.
    i hadn't thought of that either! i mean i knew it, but i didn't recognize it as important. didn't see its significance, until you pointed it out. so helpful to see that what i take for granted is actually an appreciated thing, and to think that i do that for someone i care about so much, well, it makes me feel as though my part in this does matter after all. thanks to you too!

    Quote Originally Posted by Ginkgo View Post
    Are you sure you don't want him to get hard for you?
    i never have the chance. i call it the elephant in the room.
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  7. #17
    Anew Leaf
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    Quote Originally Posted by digesthisickness View Post
    wow, great list. it helped a lot. the explanation did as well. i hadn't given thought to the fact that he can be as NF as he likes around me, and he can. it's also true that i don't take things personally, which he found out early on. as a matter of fact, now that i think about it, when he began opening up to me, he found out quickly that i'm also practically impossible to shock, and he seemed to appreciate that. that i took what he carried as a secret weight inside him as simply "being human" and took it further by appreciating his honesty and openness. hmm. thanks.
    You're welcome! (INFP here btw) What starry says is spot on as well.

    I can take care of myself and my problems pretty well on my own, but it is a relief to have someone more calm and collected than me to turn to when I really need it.

    I also think that NTs make me more of an honest person. (Not in regards to being a liar or something.) Because they can handle the truth (and usually want just the truth), they make me better equipped to handle the truth myself. NF's aren't always the best at facing things head-on. At least that is definitely a weak spot with myself... but I am getting better at it! In no small part thanks to several NTs I have dated.

    In return I think I have been good at giving my NTs a safe place to be emotional without me judging them as being "weak."

  8. #18
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    I'm a woman, so I can't offer insight into the male INFP specifically, but as an INFP, I have a few ideas:

    - NTs can feel like a "mind mate". Intellectual stimulation is huge for me, and I'd guess for many INFPs. Playful, interesting discussion often occurs with another NP
    in a way you don't experience with other types.
    - In regards to ENTPs, they are extroverts, and in a sense, I find their demeanor "warmer" than, say, some fellow IxFx types, due to being outgoing & more expressive with ideas/thoughts. I especially find this true of female ENTPs, who seem to have to develop their tert Fe a bit earlier in life. So he may appreciate an outgoing demeanor which contrasts his more reserved, introverted one. Extroversion is actually associated with femininity & introversion with masculinity, so in that sense, you sort of are a traditional pair.
    - INFPs often get called upon a lot to play therapist to their friends/family, and it can be emotionally draining. If you're emotionally low-maintenance, then he may find that a breath of fresh air. I mean, I know I do get sick of talking about feelings sometimes....really!
    - Both being NPs, your approach to life in many ways may be similar, which eases conflict. I'm reading a book right now which details pros & cons of every MBTI pairing, and P+P relationships showed the least conflict over everyday, mundane issues like chores & plans.

    What I personally don't like & find patronizing
    - I don't need or want someone to think or make decisions for me
    - I don't need someone to handle my emotions for me; someone to listen & be sympathetic is more than enough
    - I don't want someone to think they're giving me perspective by belittling my feelings & perspective

    Especially since he is a man, I'd be careful not to be condescending towards him in these areas. I've seen a few INFP men complain they hate being "mothered" in a relationship. Sometimes because they are quiet & easygoing & - I'll just say it - a bit passive, these women with strong personalities steamroll them (often ExxJs). At first, the lazy P may go along with it, but over time, resent it. I can't see an ENTP wanting to take a guy on as a pet project & mother him, though, so you probably have that advantage also. INFPs are actually pretty independent & appreciate people who let them do their own thing in their own way, and being NPs, ENTPs are pretty similar.
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  9. #19
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    nothing is wrong with him!

    sometimes too much alike is too much to take.

    i tend to prefer NJs and e3 and e8. serious, foresighted, assertive types. regardless of gender, they tend to be stereotypically more masculine. more in control. me - ENFP 6 - i'm more stereotypically feminine. which, me being a girl and all, that works fine, but it really is just all about the balance. i play yin and i like a yang - and when i'm well-balanced, the roles easily reverse.

    (just read more thread) - i think in terms of balance, it's like the other person being stronger in areas you're weaker, but still being on the same basic page. since you guys share NP, you probably have a pretty similar way of looking at a lot of things, but T/F and I/E will mean you're both stronger in certain areas than the other.

    me, i tend to lean emotionally on the other person because i feel things so deeply in the moment and tend to be a bit of a loose cannon. someone who is more assertive, who is more of a "rock", can counteract that tendency in me. whereas i have a strength of making people feel comfortable to open up and be at ease, so i can offer that to them in return. they can be strong for me and i can be weak for them... which flips into the opposite sometimes. i can rage like a fire when threatened and be strong for them, and they can open up and trust and share themselves emotionally and be weak for me - and we both have enough strength in those areas to be able to handle one anothers' relative incompetences.

    Quote Originally Posted by digesthisickness
    what i don't get is how the NT 'emotionally grounds' an NF. sounds painful.
    oh no, it's lovely. i think NFs have a tendency to be very fluid and to mirror others. if an NFP encounters something emotionally troubling, we can be thrown into chaos and turbulence inside. coming across someone "grounded" is like finding a zen garden in the middle of a jungle. interacting with them changes my inner landscape... i mirror their serenity instead of the raging storm.

    Quote Originally Posted by Ginkgo View Post
    Are you sure you don't want him to get hard for you?

  10. #20
    Emperor/Dictator kyuuei's Avatar
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    Someone posted somewhere else on the forum that they can't imagine anything being girlier than having a vagina. It was really well-said.

    I can't really describe it. To me, girls and guys have both masculine and feminine traits.. or what's been stereotypically assigned as gender-associated.
    I think a girl that's in touch with both sides of these traits is more well-rounded, and a guy could appreciate that a lot. Guys still have to be able to relate to someone and be their friend when in a relationship with them--If you did absolutely everything in the most feminine way possible you might as well be an alien, he might not be able to connect to you so well.. So he prefers some masculine traits to show. That's my initial guess on it all.
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