[Fe] Is Fe fake or manipulative?

[cascadeco]

And would you try to make a stranger feel good in your company or like you?

I would be pleasant/respectful to the stranger/acquaintance, and yes, generally I try to be positive. It's up to the stranger whether or not they like me; I'm not trying to forge relationships with everyone I meet. (I tend not to strike up conversations with strangers, though.. I am pretty introverted. )

 

[INTPness]

Sorry to hear about your troubles.

Thanks for your kindness. A great example of genuine Fe showing concern for others. There really are some good attributes of Fe. But, yeah, everything is good. Just observations I made from the inner circle of things. My observations weren't as an outsider.

Point still stands - to them, I'd guess that outwardly expressing the inner drama would only make things worse. This may not particularly be a healthy approach to one's troubles, but it's not necessarily being "fake."

We'll have to agree to....................*gasp*................disagree. To me, if things are hellish in your life and you say, "I'm wonderful"...that's fake. And to me, when I'm pissed and I tell someone that I'm wonderful...I'm faking the funk. I gotta be real with myself.

What is truth? All you have are your observations. Indeed, everything we present to others is a masquerade, which is why they called it a persona in the first place.

I'll tell you what truth is not: Balling your eyes out and talking about hard things are in your life because "everything is going wrong" and then going outside and telling neighbors that everything is good and wonderful. That's not truth.

 

[Sizzling Berry]

I would be pleasant/respectful to the stranger/acquaintance, and yes, generally I try to be positive. It's up to the stranger whether or not they like me; I'm not trying to forge relationships with everyone I meet. (I tend not to strike up conversations with strangers, though.. I am pretty introverted. )

(And depending on where you are it could be quite dangerous ). How would being positive sound for you? What's going in your head when you are like that?

 

[Glycerine]

Yeah, you don't have to tell people all the bad stuff. But you also don't have to "act" like your life is this perfect little bubble and everything is just brilliant inside the bubble. That's the part that seems fake to me. Why can't we just say, "Well, some things are good, some things could be better. But, enough about me. How are you doing?" You know, just keeping it real instead of like, "Oh yeah, my husband is brilliant. My kids are probably going to grow up and travel to Mars. The dog won 1st place in the dog show. My car has awesome rims. I'm going back to school to get my Ph.D. while still being a housewife and doing everyone's laundry and fixing dinner every night. Oh, and I still find time to watch Oprah every day." It's like, "Come on! Anyone with 2 eyes knows that things aren't THAT freakin' good in your house. The neighbors hear you fighting. They saw you crying out on the front lawn, they saw your car get reposssessed, etc." Like, why fake the funk?

uhhh no idea. Those particular people want to live in an illusion to escape the crap in their lives? Avoidance? Defense mechanism?
Personally, if I am having a shitty day and someone asks me how I am doing, I will typically become happy again just because they asked me and my day usually becomes good so I respond with good. However, I don't go that far too make up stuff. It sounds like there just might be a lot of dysfunction and those people don't know how to deal with it besides making up a fantasy world to make themselves feel better.

 

[jixmixfix]

Functions are not manipulative, behavior can be manipulative because it is an externally-strategized means to an internally-motivated end.






















^
Nothing about your thread title, initial post, or subsequent replies indicates you were ever open to any opinions other than your own. For me, that ended the thread because it is not a discussion.

Obviously, other people have more stamina than me. I am irritatingly results-oriented.

Clearly I'm open to other peoples opinions, look at how much insight this thread has brought forth. Just because I offer a different opinion or point of view? you have made no contributions towards this discussion troll go play with your 7 year old brother it's probably better for you.

 

[Randomnity]

No, I totally get the point. And privacy wasn't even an issue. Here's my point: Why does the Fe-dom tell their neighbors that everything is brilliant when it's not? Why not give a neutral response instead of a "everything is freakin' awesome" - that, to me, is faking the funk. That's all - I didn't miss the point. I get privacy. I never said people need to tell their neighbors everything. that would be silly. What I'm saying is...don't take it to the other extreme and be like, "Oh yeah, my life is an example of perfection" and rant about how everything is just beautiful when it really isn't.

In general social norms are to respond positively. If someone asks you how you're doing, you say you're doing well even if you're not, just because that's polite. When someone asks you "how are you?" and you say "I'm okay" that pretty much implies that you're having a horrible day (because you're usually expected to say that things are good, if you can manage it). Bragging is silly though, yes.

 

[onemoretime]

No, I totally get the point. And privacy wasn't even an issue. Here's my point: Why does the Fe-dom tell their neighbors that everything is brilliant when it's not?

Because if those things in your life are brilliant, then maybe your life actually is a little bit better than it feels at the moment, and maybe your troubles aren't so overwhelming.

Why not give a neutral response instead of a "everything is freakin' awesome" - that, to me, is faking the funk.

Because a neutral response is a pretty fake thing to give in the first place - hardly anyone does that. A neutral response leaves the other person feeling emotionally unfulfilled. A positive one leaves them potentially with vicarious joy. However, the Fe-dom was in a really rotten place at the time, so most likely didn't consider all the possible responses to this, just the desirable ones.

 

[INTPness]

In general social norms are to respond positively. If someone asks you how you're doing, you say you're doing well even if you're not, just because that's polite. When someone asks you "how are you?" and you say "I'm okay" that pretty much implies that you're having a horrible day (because you're usually expected to say that things are good, if you can manage it). Bragging is silly though, yes.

You call it polite. I call it faking the funk. Haha...I'm just playing Randomnity. I think it's good if we end it civilly. I've gotten lots out of the discussion. Learned one thing for sure: Fe-doms and Fe-aux definitely see their Fe in a fairly different light than I see/experience my Fe as an inferior user.

 

[onemoretime]

Thanks for your kindness. A great example of genuine Fe showing concern for others. There really are some good attributes of Fe. But, yeah, everything is good. Just observations I made from the inner circle of things. My observations weren't as an outsider.

Should have made it more explicit that it was the hypothetical "you."

We'll have to agree to....................*gasp*................disagree. To me, if things are hellish in your life and you say, "I'm wonderful"...that's fake. And to me, when I'm pissed and I tell someone that I'm wonderful...I'm faking the funk. I gotta be real with myself.

That would be you being fake. It would be quite different to someone else. Objectivity is not all that important, nor particularly useful or informative, when it comes to understanding other human beings. Subjectively, you would be acting "fake." Subjectively, another person would not. Objectively? There is no answer to that question.

I'll tell you what truth is not: Balling your eyes out and talking about hard things are in your life because "everything is going wrong" and then going outside and telling neighbors that everything is good and wonderful. That's not truth.

To some people, life inside the home, and life outside of it are two separate spheres. What is true within may not be true without. And who is to say what the truth is?

 

[jixmixfix]

How does that make any sense at all? Is there some kind of unwritten rule that you're not allowed to help people unless you have no needs of your own?

There isn't an unwritten rule but I'm trying to show a different way to look at it. I understand that Fe doms are extroverted in their nature and that social harmony and what not are their most important value. There are positives and negatives to Fe.

 

[Randomnity]

You call it polite. I call it faking the funk. Haha...I'm just playing Randomnity. I think it's good if we end it civilly. I've gotten lots out of the discussion. Learned one thing for sure: Fe-doms and Fe-aux definitely see their Fe in a fairly different light than I see/experience my Fe as an inferior user.

I'm a Fe-inferior too, yaknow.

 

[cascadeco]

(And depending on where you are it could be quite dangerous ). How would being positive sound for you? What's going in your head when you are like that?

I'm not exactly sure what you mean by what's in parentheses, but if I'm in a shady location and am distrustful of the vibes/person I'm around, then I'll act accordingly and might be more brusque/assertive.

What's going on in my head? I dunno? That I generally want to treat people well? I don't know that there's anything deeper than that. The opposite would be for me to approach everyone with a scowl, disrespect, condescension, rudeness, what have you. I don't see how that would be a benefit to anyone, nor do I think the other person deserves my being rude and mean to them, so I'm pleasant because I want to treat people well. If I quickly learn they're an asshole or if they're rude to me, I'll be colder or will disengage. Like I said though, I'm not one to strike up conversations with strangers. This is hypothetical chit-chat situations -- my sitting on a bus and someone asks me something, or my interacting with a store clerk, or meeting someone at a party, or what have you.

 

[Rail Tracer]

I think the majority do perceive it as acting fake, while the minority don't.

So if the majority perceives that jumping off a bridge will land you any wish you want, it must be real.... right? RIGHT?

Technically, "they" is an acceptable gender-neutral single-person pronoun, I believe. /pedant

If it keeps being used the way it is being used.

 

[PeaceBaby]

Fe is strawberry lip gloss

Fe is popcorn with real butter

Fe is juicy fruit gum

Fe is sizzle on the steak

Fe is smooth jazz on a hot summer night

Sweet, sweet Fe ..... how I adore thee

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

 

[jixmixfix]

So if the majority perceives that jumping off a bridge will land you any wish you want, it must be real.... right? RIGHT?



If it keeps being used the way it is being used.

I don't know give it a try

 

[jixmixfix]

Fe is strawberry lip gloss

Fe is popcorn with real butter

Fe is juicy fruit gum

Fe is sizzle on the steak

Fe is smooth jazz on a hot summer night

Sweet, sweet Fe ..... how I adore thee

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

you're making Fe sound more like crack than anything.:yim_rolling_on_the_:yim_rolling_on_the_

 

[Rail Tracer]

I don't know give it a try

Nope, since you're the one who perceives that you are part of the majority, I want you to jump off the bridge first.

 

[jixmixfix]

Nope, since you're the one who perceives that you are part of the majority, I want you to jump off the bridge first.

pussyyy....

 

[Rail Tracer]

pussyyy....

Checkmate. Why didn't you just tell me you were afraid of jumping off the bridge?

Are your hiding behind your "toughness" just to preserve your Ti sense of "integrity."

 

[Resonance]

There isn't an unwritten rule but I'm trying to show a different way to look at it. I understand that Fe doms are extroverted in their nature and that social harmony and what not are their most important value. There are positives and negatives to Fe.

Well, yes, dropping all sense of logic and just saying random words is another way to look at it, but I don't see the value in doing so.

To clarify, in my initial post I was emphasizing the Manipulative element, because yeah, each and every one of us can try to manipulate in a variety of ways if we choose to - I didn't touch on the 'Fake' element. And.. others have been covering those points pretty well anyway.

But to call it 'manipulation' kind of misses the point, don't you think? The purpose of Fe isn't to change anything, it's to achieve interpersonal attunement.