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  1. #211
    Glycerine
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTPness View Post
    OK, I can get on board with that. Thanks to all the Fe users for shedding further light on this for me. If anything, this makes me feel more OK when I employ Fe in these situations. Maybe I shouldn't feel like I'm being fake and maybe I shouldn't beat myself up about it as much. To me personally, it does feel fake sometimes (within myelf).

    And the really hard part I have with it is that I've also seen Fe-doms (multiple) do REALLY fake things. Like portray an image of themselves and their family and their households that is in huge contradiction to what is actually going on inside the home/family. On the outside it is very "oh yes, everything is great. My husband is doing really good at work, kids are smart, we just bought a new patio set and we might get a new car soon! Yay!" And inside (reality), it's this: Husband and wife fighting like crazy (at each other's throats), kids are having HUGE problems at school, there was no money to purchase the new patio set/new car, but they did it anyways. Fighting, chaos. Then, the next day when talking to the neighbors, same thing: Oh yeah, everything is good. We're so happy. What???????? To me, that seems fake. It feels fake. And I see it often in Fe-doms. They create an image of everything being really wonderful, when sometimes it's just not true.

    But, I don't want to argue with you guys further. I do appreciate the constructive conversation. These have just been some of my own experiences and observations with my own Fe and other Fe doms.
    I can see what you talking about but couldn't another part of it be, some people just don't want everyone who they are not close with to know the drama in their lives? I wouldn't expect you to tell me about all your personal problems if I asked you "how you were doing?" because of lack of trust and privacy. The people I have noticed that do that type of stuff are people that are usually cracking under a lot of stress and don't have much of an outlet.

    On the other hand, those people that you mentioned may be going a little overboard.

  2. #212
    Senior Member Sizzling Berry's Avatar
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    And if a person doesn't like to be made to feel good? Would you still try? Why?
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  3. #213

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    Quote Originally Posted by jixmixfix View Post
    I think it can be, every time I see someone with strong Fe I wonder why they are trying to be so nice. Furthermore they are always so pushy in promoting their Fe in others.
    Functions are not manipulative, behavior can be manipulative because it is an externally-strategized means to an internally-motivated end.

    Quote Originally Posted by jixmixfix View Post
    Fe is the devil, actually probably not the devil maybe Lucifer please and kindly stay away
    Quote Originally Posted by jixmixfix View Post
    No but I find dom Fe types to be blatantly fake more so than other types, they smile for the sake of smiling as oppose to actually feeling happy. They also use common polite gestures in awkward negative situations.
    Quote Originally Posted by jixmixfix View Post
    That's how a typical Fe dom would think, it's evil I tell ya.:horor:
    Quote Originally Posted by jixmixfix View Post
    If you feel you need to abide by a social standard by smiling, laughing and making other "positive" gestures when inside you feel the opposite that is a sign of being "fake". I'm not saying one type is better than another here I'm just pointing out the flaws that come out in Fe doms. Also Fe doms can be real for sure especially when you get to know them and they trust you but they can also be "fake" to some degree.

    P.S please just use "they" next time so your sentence isn't a mess.
    Quote Originally Posted by jixmixfix View Post
    No it has nothing to do with the person and how they feel about themselves, it has to do with how people are viewing that person the message is being sent the wrong way.

    P.S: There is more than one Fe user in the world.
    Quote Originally Posted by jixmixfix View Post
    I disagree with this as the act is not done in such a way to make the Fe person feel better it's used more as a mask to abide by social norm in such a case. Everyone has their defense mechanisms.
    Quote Originally Posted by jixmixfix View Post
    I think the majority do perceive it as acting fake, while the minority don't.
    Quote Originally Posted by jixmixfix View Post
    The way I see it Fe dom users are often good at exaggerating their Fe while someone who is more Ti dom may have alot of trouble doing that. Fe isn't faked in the Fe user when that person is legitimate and is showing their "Fe" in a healthy manner. However If the Fe dom user is having a bad day or has ulterior motives they defiantly have that ability to use their Fe in a "fake" manner. This is why Fe users can come across as "fake" because they are quite good at using their Fe even for negative reasons.
    Quote Originally Posted by jixmixfix View Post
    All I'm saying is that an Fe dom user has that ability to not be genuine about their Fe, and can use that ability alot easier than other types. Fe isn't fake in it's purest form but the user has the ability more than other MBTI types to use it in a negative context.
    Quote Originally Posted by jixmixfix View Post
    You just said that Fe isn't internal? so how can something external be real if it doesn't represent someones internal state?
    Quote Originally Posted by jixmixfix View Post
    You can also look at it in the sense that they are not being true to themselves because they are trying to create harmony and order in others and not themselves.
    ^
    Nothing about your thread title, initial post, or subsequent replies indicates you were ever open to any opinions other than your own. For me, that ended the thread because it is not a discussion.

    Obviously, other people have more stamina than me. I am irritatingly results-oriented.



    FTR, I used to have very similar discussions with my 7 year old brother when he'd ask me things like: "SIS, WHO SUCKS MORE??? BARBIE OR RAINBOW BRIGHT?!??!"
    "The purpose of life is to be defeated by greater and greater things." - Rainer Maria Rilke

  4. #214
    Senior Member INTPness's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by onemoretime View Post
    Hmm. Hate to be rude, but ever considered that all of that other stuff is none of your business?
    No, never considered that it wasn't my business because one of them was my own family member, in which I was living in the household and saw the fakery being displayed outside of the house, all the while knowing what was really going on. The other was an ex g/f who did it - so, again, I was a member of the "inner circle" and saw how they portrayed things to people on the outside. It was in total contrast to what was really going on - to the point to where I was like, "Really? Seriously? Things are good? You were just crying 4 hours ago and talking about a divorce or maybe having to sell one of the children for food and now you're talking about how wonderful things are? I just dun get it."

    As long as you recognize that your opinion has solely to do with how you yourself experience the function, and nothing to do with how others may experience that function, then I think we understand one another.
    Sure. I know how it feels to me and I know it when I observe it in others. I have no idea what it's like to be someone else, but I still do observe things and recognize them sometimes as complete stretches of the truth or masquerades, or what have you.
    NTJ's are the only types that have ever made me feel emo.
    ENP's are the only types that have ever made me feel like a sensor.


    There are two great days in a person's life - the day we are born and the day we discover why. --William Barclay

  5. #215
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sizzling Berry View Post
    And if a person doesn't like to be made to feel good? Would you still try? Why?
    If it's a stranger who responds unfavorably to my questions or approach, and basically rebuffs me and makes it clear they don't want me around, no, I won't still try. I'll leave them be. If it's someone I'm close to, it means I know them well enough to let them be in a bad mood if they're in a bad mood, and just be ok with that, or to try to perk them up if I know they would be open to that sort of thing.
    "...On and on and on and on he strode, far out over the sands, singing wildly to the sea, crying to greet the advent of the life that had cried to him." - James Joyce

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  6. #216
    Senior Member INTPness's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Glycerine View Post
    I can see what you talking about but couldn't another part of it be, some people just don't want everyone who they are not close with to know the drama in their lives? I wouldn't expect you to tell me about all your personal problems if I asked you "how you were doing?" because of lack of trust and privacy. The people I have noticed that do that type of stuff are people that are usually cracking under a lot of stress and don't have much of an outlet.
    Yeah, you don't have to tell people all the bad stuff. But you also don't have to "act" like your life is this perfect little bubble and everything is just brilliant inside the bubble. That's the part that seems fake to me. Why can't we just say, "Well, some things are good, some things could be better. But, enough about me. How are you doing?" You know, just keeping it real instead of like, "Oh yeah, my husband is brilliant. My kids are probably going to grow up and travel to Mars. The dog won 1st place in the dog show. My car has awesome rims. I'm going back to school to get my Ph.D. while still being a housewife and doing everyone's laundry and fixing dinner every night. Oh, and I still find time to watch Oprah every day." It's like, "Come on! Anyone with 2 eyes knows that things aren't THAT freakin' good in your house. The neighbors hear you fighting. They saw you crying out on the front lawn, they saw your car get reposssessed, etc." Like, why fake the funk?
    NTJ's are the only types that have ever made me feel emo.
    ENP's are the only types that have ever made me feel like a sensor.


    There are two great days in a person's life - the day we are born and the day we discover why. --William Barclay

  7. #217
    insert random title here Randomnity's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTPness View Post
    No, never considered that it wasn't my business because one of them was my own family member, in which I was living in the household and saw the fakery being displayed outside of the house, all the while knowing what was really going on. The other was an ex g/f who did it - so, again, I was a member of the "inner circle" and saw how they portrayed things to people on the outside. It was in total contrast to what was really going on - to the point to where I was like, "Really? Seriously? Things are good? You were just crying 4 hours ago and talking about a divorce or maybe having to sell one of the children for food and now you're talking about how wonderful things are? I just dun get it."
    Wow, way to completely miss the point. The point is that maybe it wasn't the business of the people they were talking to. Whether it's your business is irrelevant to the situation you describe.

    Your average neighbour relationship (maybe you say hi when you see them and chitchat for 5 minutes every few weeks) is NOT a good place to dump all your feelings. If I greet my neighbour with "hey! how's it going?" and they say "terrible! I've been crying all day because my cat died and my husband cheated on me" it makes things terribly awkward. And it really isn't their business, either. As an INTP I'm surprised you don't value privacy.

    I hope I never live next to someone like you.....

    edit: to be fair, bragging is pretty stupid/obnoxious especially when unfounded, but really all the time.
    -end of thread-

  8. #218
    Senior Member Sizzling Berry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cascadeco View Post
    If it's a stranger who responds unfavorably to my questions or approach, and basically rebuffs me and makes it clear they don't want me around, no, I won't still try. I'll leave them be. If it's someone I'm close to, it means I know them well enough to let them be in a bad mood if they're in a bad mood, and just be ok with that, or to try to perk them up if I know they would be open to that sort of thing.
    And would you try to make a stranger feel good in your company or like you?
    Hot-hearted head

  9. #219
    Dreaming the life onemoretime's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTPness View Post
    No, never considered that it wasn't my business because one of them was my own family member, in which I was living in the household and saw the fakery being displayed outside of the house, all the while knowing what was really going on. The other was an ex g/f who did it - so, again, I was a member of the "inner circle" and saw how they portrayed things to people on the outside. It was in total contrast to what was really going on - to the point to where I was like, "Really? Seriously? Things are good? You were just crying 4 hours ago and talking about a divorce or maybe having to sell one of the children for food and now you're talking about how wonderful things are? I just dun get it."
    Sorry to hear about your troubles. Point still stands - to them, I'd guess that outwardly expressing the inner drama would only make things worse. This may not particularly be a healthy approach to one's troubles, but it's not necessarily being "fake."

    Sure. I know how it feels to me and I know it when I observe it in others. I have no idea what it's like to be someone else, but I still do observe things and recognize them sometimes as complete stretches of the truth or masquerades, or what have you.
    What is truth? All you have are your observations. Indeed, everything we present to others is a masquerade, which is why they called it a persona in the first place.

  10. #220
    Senior Member INTPness's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Randomnity View Post
    Wow, way to completely miss the point. The point is that maybe it wasn't the business of the people they were talking to. Whether it's your business is irrelevant to the situation you describe.

    Your average neighbour relationship (maybe you say hi when you see them and chitchat for 5 minutes every few weeks) is NOT a good place to dump all your feelings. If I greet my neighbour with "hey! how's it going?" and they say "terrible! I've been crying all day because my cat died and my husband cheated on me" it makes things terribly awkward. And it really isn't their business, either. As an INTP I'm surprised you don't value privacy.

    I hope I never live next to someone like you.....
    No, I totally get the point. And privacy wasn't even an issue. Here's my point: Why does the Fe-dom tell their neighbors that everything is brilliant when it's not? Why not give a neutral response instead of a "everything is freakin' awesome" - that, to me, is faking the funk. That's all - I didn't miss the point. I get privacy. I never said people need to tell their neighbors everything. that would be silly. What I'm saying is...don't take it to the other extreme and be like, "Oh yeah, my life is an example of perfection" and rant about how everything is just beautiful when it really isn't.
    NTJ's are the only types that have ever made me feel emo.
    ENP's are the only types that have ever made me feel like a sensor.


    There are two great days in a person's life - the day we are born and the day we discover why. --William Barclay

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