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  1. #131
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Question for the Fe-crowd..how do you use Fe one-on-one? When there isn't a group goal to uphold? When there isn't a mission to fulfill and a group to direct? How does it work then?



    To the previous question what happens when Fi-users come together:

    Nothing. Literally, nothing. There's a bunch of laughs and giggles and that's it. No direction, no group mission, nothing. If you're lucky, someone will spontaneously blurt out 'lets do this!'. And if 'this' is something that doesn't require planning and is easily accessible and a shared interest amidst the group or at least neutral to most of the group, it'll work brilliantly and feel like a sitting by a campfire singing kumbaya. If not, it ends in endless bickering or apathy. Sometimes you'll see the group falling apart into groups of two or three. It's easier to use Fi on no more than 4 people at once and ideal one on one. Groups are not our thing.

    I have that situation in our group. The two ISFJs don't step up coz they don't wanna rock the boat, the female xNTJ tries to Fe but ends up losing her patience and pulls the group together with Te, making everyone pissed that they have to follow an schedule during their free time, till the INTP steps up and goes, wtf, we're doing this, this way! Yes, the INTP. Of all people. I would do it, and I've tried, but I don't share many of their interests, and the INTP does, so he usually has some feel of what would be a good idea to do, while knowing what we can do and what won't take planning and organization to pull off. It's maddening.

    I'll step in when I notice that the conflict is getting too high and too deeply rooted. That's when I take the Fe-dom seat, which fits me really poorly and try my hand at the whole harmonizing bit. Thankfully they know me well enough to usually appreciate the effort. I'll solve the conflict..but I won't be able to give them a mission or a goal. It's like herding cats. Usually, at that point, I end up giving the reigns to the female xNTJ or the INTP again.

    We could *really* use an Fe-dom.
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  2. #132
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
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    1:1 I want to understand what drives people and who they are. I ask questions, and just want to get to know them. I'm a listener. I spend 95% of my time listening. I build upon commonalities. I don't try to change people, I don't force my opinions on people, and I am even reticent to give advice when asked, simply because I know my suggestion might not apply to them individually. So I'll always add that caveat.

    I don't relate to the 'group goal' thing, though, simply because I'm pretty introverted so try to avoid groups anyway. The only element of group-speak I relate to is knowing how to interact with different personalties and building positive relationships accordingly, and I have no need to show my personal emotions/feelings if they have nothing to do with the situation at hand and what needs to be accomplished (in a work setting, for example), or in a group social outing, I'm not going to wax poetic on how bad my day has been if the other 4 people are totally happy. I'm not going to bring them down and ruin the outing just to stay 'true' to my own crappy feelings. I'll stuff my crappy feelings to the best I can, although if asked, I'll be honest and will say it's not been a great day and will elaborate if asked.
    "...On and on and on and on he strode, far out over the sands, singing wildly to the sea, crying to greet the advent of the life that had cried to him." - James Joyce

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  3. #133
    Energizer Bunny Resonance's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Saturned View Post
    No, what he is saying is that his real (ti) reaction is that he is annoyed, but he covers it up (fe) with being pleasant.
    That's not fake though, Fe reflects his desire for harmony and smooth relations and 'getting on with it'. Just because Fe doesn't reflect his inner experience doesn't mean it's fake, that's not what it's for.
    The beauty of a living thing is not the atoms that go into it, but the way those atoms are put together. ~ rCoxI ~ INfj ~ 5w6 so/sp

  4. #134
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Wait so you actually build like a mini-Fe group between the two of you based upon commonalities? How does that work? Also, when you help people out and try to inspire them to take action in their lives, what do you use to convince them? Actual personal empowerment, or a shared social standard?
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  5. #135
    Energizer Bunny Resonance's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Vala Faye View Post
    Question for the Fe-crowd..how do you use Fe one-on-one? When there isn't a group goal to uphold? When there isn't a mission to fulfill and a group to direct? How does it work then?
    Merging intellectually with the person, basically.

    I tend to shift towards using their sentence structure and vocabulary and so on. But subtly, so that I'm not mocking them, just trying to put things in a way that will be familiar to them - so that it will be easy for them to absorb.

    Non-native English speakers often compliment me on how easy I am to talk to, for example when I used to work in corporate security, you have to keep your eye on the camera feeds and there's not much to do besides chat.

    Quote Originally Posted by Vala Faye View Post
    Wait so you actually build like a mini-Fe group between the two of you based upon commonalities? How does that work? Also, when you help people out and try to inspire them to take action in their lives, what do you use to convince them? Actual personal empowerment, or a shared social standard?
    Neither, it's more like a pep talk that appeals to some sort of greater purpose I guess. But yeah it's usually tailored to the person.
    The beauty of a living thing is not the atoms that go into it, but the way those atoms are put together. ~ rCoxI ~ INfj ~ 5w6 so/sp

  6. #136
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    Quote Originally Posted by Resonance View Post
    That's not fake though, Fe reflects his desire for harmony and smooth relations and 'getting on with it'. Just because Fe doesn't reflect his inner experience doesn't mean it's fake, that's not what it's for.
    As someone with Fi, that's how I see it.

  7. #137
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Vala Faye View Post
    Wait so you actually build like a mini-Fe group between the two of you based upon commonalities? How does that work? Also, when you help people out and try to inspire them to take action in their lives, what do you use to convince them? Actual personal empowerment, or a shared social standard?
    For inspiration, I might affirm them, but also encourage/challenge them to try something out, even if it might not work. Because I do believe that most people can do pretty much anything they put their mind to -- it's often just fear, or the unknown, that prevents them. But to at least try.. I might encourage that. Or might show them a different angle, even though they may not be receptive to it. I'll note that I know they may not be interested in checking it out. Basically I have no interest in forcing people into things -- because frankly I don't think that's possible. It has to be from them, from their own volition/awareness, that they WANT to do something. I might try to plant a seed, or encourage, or give various alternatives, and then that' about all I can do. Anything I say is tailored to what I know about them as a person, about their situation, about who they are and what might drive them. They can take it, or leave it. And if they leave it, what can I do? I'm not out there to create mini-versions of Me; I want people to be THEM. And if I don't have enough in common with them, or we're too at odds for a relationship, then it's not a relationship I'll develop.

    Also, just share what *I* think and such, not telling them they should think that. Because I really *don't* think they should think that. They're their own person after all. And if they happen to latch onto something I say that helps them out, that's awesome. If my own life/story/experiences provide raw material and they think well, if SHE can do it, I can do it.. then, that too.

    Commonalities? Well, if I meet someone who's super into the outdoors/wildlife, conversation/commonalities might be built upon that. If I meet someone who's an engineer, I might then talk about how I started out in engineering, and ask them about that. If I meet someone who's into psychology stuff, obviously convo might take a deeper turn right off the bat. If I'm with the engineer, I'm not going to start talking about shopping at Banana Republic. We're not building any commonalities/connection on that. And so on.
    "...On and on and on and on he strode, far out over the sands, singing wildly to the sea, crying to greet the advent of the life that had cried to him." - James Joyce

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  8. #138
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    See, resonances response I expected..but cascado, you pretty much described how I do things..and I consider the whole 'respect the person and encourage them to be who they are' very Fi. So it's confusing me a bit. I wonder in *what* way it is that Fe differs from Fi on this front, and what we share.

    Maybe it's the approach and the wording?
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  9. #139
    (blankpages) Xenon's Avatar
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    People who prefer Ti or Fi can easily get annoyed with Fe and see it as "fake". I've come to respect it a lot more by seeing it as a reflection of genuine intentions, a genuine desire to affect the other people/the social environment in a certain way. That doesn't mean I never get annoyed with it, but I don't dismiss it like I used to.

    Quote Originally Posted by Vala Faye View Post
    See, resonances response I expected..but cascado, you pretty much described how I do things..and I consider the whole 'respect the person and encourage them to be who they are' very Fi. So it's confusing me a bit. I wonder in *what* way it is that Fe differs from Fi on this front, and what we share.

    Maybe it's the approach and the wording?
    They often overlap, I think, even though on occasion they can clash and see each other as "missing the point". Same with Ti and Te.

  10. #140
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    See, but I'm trying to pin down that blindspot and see both perspectives, so work with me here, plz?
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