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  1. #11
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    LOLz @ enfj they seem like players.

  2. #12
    Lungs & Lips Locked Unkindloving's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lily flower View Post
    I'm thinking of 2 specific people right now, although there have been more in the past.

    The ENFJ says stuff like, "We will be friends forever," "We click so well together," "You are really special to me," touches and hugs a lot and uses a lot of great body language that would indicate a really close friend, but then never calls or initiates getting together. I'm the one who has to do the contact, but then he always acts so delighted that I did. We were at the same event once and the ENFJ talked to absolutely everyone but me, and then when he saw me later he said something along the lines of "Didn't we have such a great time together today?" What? I don't get that at all.
    Hm. I would never say those things to another human being unless I actually thought them. Even if my feeling on that changed, it would still have been genuine when said.
    For me, I'll like people a good deal, but then hesitate to initiate a hangout. It's may be being unclear on what to do and what they are fine, or that there is some external reason to potentially avoid. That, or wanting to see if they initiate in order to grasp where the friendship stands to them. Problem being we do get so lost in flitting around sometimes, especially tending to those who don't seem fine on their own.
    So it depends, but I wouldn't talk someone up that I didn't like, or there'd be a severe decrease if my opinion changed toward them/the relationship.
    Quote Originally Posted by Marmie Dearest View Post
    My sister usually seems tense when she doesn't like someone, like her vibe changes. She's a very "open" sort of person, but she has a frosty judgmental side, she's a human being, and she will pride herself on being restrained and remaining polite and speaking reasonably and she has this thing about not raising her voice, but her vibe is not as warm. It is polite but cold.
    Definitely. I've found even my mannerisms may change. Making less eye contact, or looking elsewhere more frequently. Trying to bring in another consort to even out the situation, but changing the focus away from the disliked party, even in an inclusive manner.
    Typically, I'll want one on one time if I am enjoying someone, or I will want to flit them around alongside me and make them a focal point of discussion.
    Quote Originally Posted by mystory View Post
    I have an ENFJ friend that I've wondered the same things about. For a long time, they never invited me to anything. We saw eachother frequently because we have mutual friends that do the planning, or I would invite sometimes, but the ENFJ never did. I take that back, a couple of times they initiated planning to help me do something, but not just social activities.
    They would always keep in contact with me, so I know they weren't avoiding me, but never made plans to get together. Finally, after a period of time where no one made plans to do anything, they did initiate and start inviting although sheepishly.
    Maybe it's because there's no need to plan if someone else is already doing it? Or maybe it's a fear of being turned down if they're not a very secure ENFJ?
    Biggest hesitations for me: Not having a proper gauge on what sort of one-on-one hanging out is accepted by the prosepctive person. Feeling that prospective person is more of a friend to someone else in the group, and that we only hang out in the presence of that other friend.
    I have two situations like this presently, where I absolutely adore two ladyfriends, but am only ever around them when my INFP is around. Sometimes we'll try to man up and bridge the gap, but we don't want to step on toes or be awkward about it. Excessive Fe-Ni paranoia, mayhaps?
    Quote Originally Posted by jixmixfix View Post
    LOLz @ enfj they seem like players.
    Yo dawg, don't hate the player.. hate the game.. Werd.

    Ow lol.
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  3. #13
    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mystory View Post
    I have an ENFJ friend that I've wondered the same things about. For a long time, they never invited me to anything. We saw eachother frequently because we have mutual friends that do the planning, or I would invite sometimes, but the ENFJ never did. I take that back, a couple of times they initiated planning to help me do something, but not just social activities.
    They would always keep in contact with me, so I know they weren't avoiding me, but never made plans to get together. Finally, after a period of time where no one made plans to do anything, they did initiate and start inviting although sheepishly.
    Maybe it's because there's no need to plan if someone else is already doing it? Or maybe it's a fear of being turned down if they're not a very secure ENFJ?
    *scratches head* You never asked why?
    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.

  4. #14
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    *scratches head* You never asked why?
    I gave him some crap about never inviting when he started beating around the bush about doing something without actually inviting me. I think my situation is a little different cause I have a crush on him, so didn't want to push it. Still, it's the same behavior though. It seemed like there was a testing period to see how I'd respond to hints of an invitation, then a joking invitation, then finally an actual invitation once he thought it was a safe bet that I'd say yes??

  5. #15
    Member cranez's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mystory View Post
    I have an ENFJ friend that I've wondered the same things about. For a long time, they never invited me to anything. We saw eachother frequently because we have mutual friends that do the planning, or I would invite sometimes, but the ENFJ never did. I take that back, a couple of times they initiated planning to help me do something, but not just social activities.
    They would always keep in contact with me, so I know they weren't avoiding me, but never made plans to get together. Finally, after a period of time where no one made plans to do anything, they did initiate and start inviting although sheepishly.
    Maybe it's because there's no need to plan if someone else is already doing it? Or maybe it's a fear of being turned down if they're not a very secure ENFJ?
    I'm very shy for an ENFJ, not sure if that is me being not as secure as others - however, I will invite anyone that I'm interested in knowing better to everything. Even when there is a small chance I will get rejected. Then that person continues to reject me multiple times - I remove them from my invite list. That usually takes like 3 rejections. Have you ever rejected this person or flaked on a mutual friend in the past out of curiosity?

  6. #16
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    Have you ever rejected this person or flaked on a mutual friend in the past out of curiosity?
    No, not really. I mean, I haven't always been available to do things, even when I know he's going to be there, but I've never directly turned him down. Of course, my hope is that he's having trouble inviting me because he likes me a little more, so the risk is greater. I'm not sure of this though, thus my constant analyzing of ENFJ behaviors

  7. #17
    Senior Member Sparrow's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lily flower View Post
    How do ENFJ's and ENFP's act when they don't like you, but still want to be polite?
    I try to avoid them like the plague...I might say a cordial hello if I have to, but that's about it. If I have to talk with them, you will be able to tell how uncomfortable I am! I will look away a lot, and try to come up with excuses to get away some how.

    If a random weirdo guy comes up to me while I am out and about, I ignore him for the most part, reply with short answers, and look away a lot, I might even turn my back lol. How rude of me, I know...

    Are they still going to pour on the charm, even if they don't like you as a person?
    Nope, brick wall!

    How in the world can you tell if they truly like you as a person or not?
    You will be engaged in conversation, the ENFJ will remain interested in hearing what you have to say, the eye contact will be there. They might also mention you coming along on an outing of some sort if they like you a lot <3.

    I really like ENFJ's and ENFP's, but I always feel really insecure around them because I never know if they really like me or if they are just being nice.
    Dont feel insecure!! ENFJ's are genuine people !

    Quote Originally Posted by Lily flower View Post
    Also, do you think either an ENFJ or ENFP would respond well to just being asked? For instance, if I asked them how good of a friend I am, or if I am just an aquaintence, would that be too weird, would they lie, or would they answer honestly?
    I would definitely answer honestly! I like to talk about feelings and relationships, especially if the other person really cares about what I have to say and how I feel .
    Fe | Ni | Se | Ti ... 3w4 ... Lawful Neutral ... Johari -Nohari

  8. #18
    Senior Member Sparrow's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mystory View Post
    I have an ENFJ friend that I've wondered the same things about. For a long time, they never invited me to anything. We saw eachother frequently because we have mutual friends that do the planning, or I would invite sometimes, but the ENFJ never did. I take that back, a couple of times they initiated planning to help me do something, but not just social activities.
    They would always keep in contact with me, so I know they weren't avoiding me, but never made plans to get together. Finally, after a period of time where no one made plans to do anything, they did initiate and start inviting although sheepishly.
    Maybe it's because there's no need to plan if someone else is already doing it? Or maybe it's a fear of being turned down if they're not a very secure ENFJ?
    Like what cranez mentioned....when I don't invite people out its probably because they have turned me down multiple times or have flaked out on me one to many times (one of my biggest pet peeves, being flaked out on SUCKS)! Anyway, I dont want to bother them, makes me feel like a bug-a-boo. I figure if they wanna hang out they will call me....after they initiate and finally come through, I will start asking again!

    Another reason: sometimes I go in to hermit mode. I don't want to bring my negative vibe around my friends, so I will keep to myself for a while.
    Fe | Ni | Se | Ti ... 3w4 ... Lawful Neutral ... Johari -Nohari

  9. #19
    Member cranez's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sparrow View Post
    I figure if they wanna hang out they will call me....after they initiate and finally come through, I will start asking again!
    Sparrow, are you also adamant about them contacting you first even though you REALLY want to hang out with them? I do that often. I'll build a brick wall, no matter how much I hate to, if the person I'm inviting keeps flaking. Then when they finally break it down I get super excited.

    Mystory; If he isn't inviting you and you haven't turned him down he may be reluctant to try and snatch up friends of friends. I can get that way - but it's not because I don't like the person - but I also could potentially be weary or don't like them enough to pursue at the same time. I let my friends have their friends and don't try to intrude much on their friendship for fear that my friend may get jealous or pissed off. Any chance of that happening? Or is this several mutual friends?

  10. #20
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    I don't go out of my way to communicate with them. If I really like something about them, I will genuinely comment on it or if they did a favour for me, I try to return it because I believe in reciprocality regardless of how I personally feel about them.

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