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  1. #1
    Senior Member Santosha's Avatar
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    Default Irritated with my own lack of Fe

    Fe: The process of extraverted Feeling often involves a desire to connect with (or disconnect from) others and is often evidenced by expressions of warmth (or displeasure) and self-disclosure. The “social graces,” such as being polite, being nice, being friendly, being considerate, and being appropriate, often revolve around the process of extraverted Feeling. Keeping in touch, laughing at jokes when others laugh, and trying to get people to act kindly to each other also involve extraverted Feeling. Using this process, we respond according to expressed or even unexpressed wants and needs of others. We may ask people what they want or need or self-disclose to prompt them to talk more about themselves. This often sparks conversation and lets us know more about them so we can better adjust our behavior to them. Often with this process, we feel pulled to be responsible and take care of others’ feelings, sometimes to the point of not separating our feelings from theirs. We may recognize and adhere to shared values, feelings, and social norms to get along.

    Okay... I am curious how many dom/aux Fi users relate to Fe?

    The reason I ask this is because I have come to really, REALLY appreciate Fe in the last few years. I do NOT doubt my Fi at all. So please don't bring it into question unless you think you've got a some serious insight on this and me, and well.. even then i ask you PM me.

    Sometimes.. when I look over much of the teens and twenties, I am dissappointed in what I'd almost consider a lack of Fe. It's become glaringly apparent in recent times just how important extroverting feeling really is. Things like not showing up to birthdays or family gatherings, not taking the time to send people I love cards or letters, allowing great distances to develop between myself and the people I love very much.. I almost feel as though I've been very selfish and childish. Fe just seems like such a neccessary factor is maintaing good relations. But it goes even beyond that, beyond wanting community and harmony and connection.. I sometimes ask myself.. Have I shown enough love? Do these people really know where they stand with me? What could possibly be more important than this? And I come up empty handed. And while it is not my natural tendency to extovert feelings and I would never want to be anything other than what I am, I question if who I am is really a person so engrossed in my own feelings/values that I can ignore very simple, tangible displays of affection that just might mean the world to someone else.

    Have any of you Fi users noticed anything like this?

    *THREAD NOT INTENDED TO BECOME A FE/FI BATTLE*
    Man suffers only because he takes seriously what the gods made for fun - Watts

  2. #2
    Dreaming the life onemoretime's Avatar
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    There's an important difference between Fe and social graces. All Fe means is that you make sense of the world of feeling by following common rules and promoting/imposing stability. Of course you're going to be irritated by it - it's your Witch/"evil stepmother" archetype, after all!

    Extroverting feeling isn't the important part. Loving people is. If you truly love others, you'll make it known to them without having to exert too much effort.

    At the same time, you may have work to do on yourself to get to that point. So often, we act selfishly and childishly, because there's a child inside us that desperately lacks for that kind of attention. Luckily, Fi helps you calm that child down, through its willingness to be open to emotional reality.

  3. #3
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Huxley3112 View Post
    Fe: The process of extraverted Feeling often involves a desire to connect with (or disconnect from) others and is often evidenced by expressions of warmth (or displeasure) and self-disclosure. The “social graces,” such as being polite, being nice, being friendly, being considerate, and being appropriate, often revolve around the process of extraverted Feeling. Keeping in touch, laughing at jokes when others laugh, and trying to get people to act kindly to each other also involve extraverted Feeling. Using this process, we respond according to expressed or even unexpressed wants and needs of others. We may ask people what they want or need or self-disclose to prompt them to talk more about themselves. This often sparks conversation and lets us know more about them so we can better adjust our behavior to them. Often with this process, we feel pulled to be responsible and take care of others’ feelings, sometimes to the point of not separating our feelings from theirs. We may recognize and adhere to shared values, feelings, and social norms to get along.

    Okay... I am curious how many dom/aux Fi users relate to Fe?

    The reason I ask this is because I have come to really, REALLY appreciate Fe in the last few years. I do NOT doubt my Fi at all. So please don't bring it into question unless you think you've got a some serious insight on this and me, and well.. even then i ask you PM me.

    Sometimes.. when I look over much of the teens and twenties, I am dissappointed in what I'd almost consider a lack of Fe. It's become glaringly apparent in recent times just how important extroverting feeling really is. Things like not showing up to birthdays or family gatherings, not taking the time to send people I love cards or letters, allowing great distances to develop between myself and the people I love very much.. I almost feel as though I've been very selfish and childish. Fe just seems like such a neccessary factor is maintaing good relations. But it goes even beyond that, beyond wanting community and harmony and connection.. I sometimes ask myself.. Have I shown enough love? Do these people really know where they stand with me? What could possibly be more important than this? And I come up empty handed. And while it is not my natural tendency to extovert feelings and I would never want to be anything other than what I am, I question if who I am is really a person so engrossed in my own feelings/values that I can ignore very simple, tangible displays of affection that just might mean the world to someone else.

    Have any of you Fi users noticed anything like this?

    *THREAD NOT INTENDED TO BECOME A FE/FI BATTLE*
    aww...i very much relate to that concern...yes i can be just awful at sending cards or calling...i assume way more often then i should that people just know how i feel and where we stand...that sucks....however i do relate a bit to your fe description and think i'm not total shit at it...i think i can be feish at times but you have made me more aware of how important those things are...so thank you...now what was your question?
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  4. #4
    Senior Member Santosha's Avatar
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    Default

    It's nice to hear another ENFP feels like this sometimes too. And I agree, I don't think I am entirely Fe devoid.. that description above is interesting to me simply because I had thought that self disclosure was more of an Fi way of reaching out... now I'm not sure. Funny thing is I have the INTENTION to express my love, alot! Like I will actually sometimes buy cards in advance, then forget. Write a letter..and get distracted and not send it. I will try sooo hard to make a certain persons birthday or wedding, and something comes up at the last minute. It really sucks! Because at a distance, people don't know of my intention. And even though I may feel very intense internal affection.. I have to stop myself sometimes and think.. people aren't fucking psychic. Does it really matter how much I love if I can't express it? What good is it?

    I dunno, it's weird.
    Man suffers only because he takes seriously what the gods made for fun - Watts

  5. #5
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    yeah no it makes perfect sense...i feel very thoughtful...i feeel like i'm always thinking of others and wishing well for them or wondering about what's going on with them and missing them...like so much...so i feel very connected to people...since they're always with me..present in my mind and all that but you're right so much of that goes unsaid and unnoticed.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  6. #6
    Senior Member INTP's Avatar
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    ENFPs dont use Fe, but they have other ways of getting the same results. ENFPs tend to mirror others strongly(small study showed that much more than any other types), in other words use empathy. this puts them into same position in many situations than usage of Fe would, same result, different way of getting to it.
    "Where wisdom reigns, there is no conflict between thinking and feeling."
    — C.G. Jung

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  7. #7
    Post Human Post Qlip's Avatar
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    Empathy is local. It doesn't make sure you sent a birthday card to your sis two states away. The theoretical answer is an entry in a calendar, or a To Do list... highly theoretical and unyet tested.

  8. #8
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Te will pick up some of that organizational slack once you get into it. And it's easier to access than Fe (with it's almighty guilttrip). I've found that in larger groups, when I have to be present, Fe comes in handy actually in doing the social proper distance thingy and keeping an eye on the group instead of the individuals in that group. I tend to try and mimick Fe in groups, while using Fi one on one. Whenever I try Fe one on one, I somehow fuck up and end up sometimes sounding passive aggressive. Still working on that. (sorry INTP, I disagree that with your notion that I don't use Fe )

    Fe is a tool in my kit that I use to assess groups and recognize if it's safe to go Fi and follow my gut to go talk to the one person I find intriguing and Fi the shit out of them (coz Fi leaves me blind to what's going on in the group). It acts like a compass I sometimes check in on (and oftentimes forget I have )
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  9. #9
    Senior Member INTP's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Vala Faye View Post
    (sorry INTP, I disagree that with your notion that I don't use Fe )
    in that case, you need some education . but cba to do that now
    "Where wisdom reigns, there is no conflict between thinking and feeling."
    — C.G. Jung

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  10. #10
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    ^^ whaaaat? you think enfps aren't capable of using fe?
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

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