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  1. #1
    Senior Member Lily flower's Avatar
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    Default Can ENFJ's be super charming and also clueless at the same time?

    I have an ENFJ friend who seems to be able to charm anyone. The way people swoon over him is just disgusting sometimes (although I admit that I am jealous of his skills). This is true for both men and women. The men admire and follow him. The women look besotted.

    But the strange thing is, he seems clueless in many ways when it comes to understanding people. When people get mad at him, he looks mystified and just pours on more charm. If he were a boss and someone quit and told him everything they hated about him, he would turn around and just hire someone else and not give a moment's thought to the spew of complaints against him.

    So how can someone who is so good with people be so bad with people? Does this make sense?

  2. #2
    libtard SJW chickpea's Avatar
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    my enfj friend is very much like this. she's very sweet and kind towards everyone, guys love her, nobody has anything mean to say about her. but she'll be completely oblivious when a guy is hitting on her and thinks they're just being nice or trying to be friends. and is just more awkward with guys than i'd expect her to be. maybe it's just being sheltered and naive and not expecting people's motives.

    when i went into this thread i thought you meant clueless in general and was going to say how she had a very, very hard time understanding that's what she said jokes. "who is she???"

  3. #3
    Senior Member Lily flower's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by chana View Post

    when i went into this thread i thought you meant clueless in general and was going to say how she had a very, very hard time understanding that's what she said jokes. "who is she???"
    That's really funny. I'll have to try that on him some time and see if he gets it.

  4. #4
    Senior Member uncommonentity's Avatar
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    ENFJ's have teddy bear syndrome. What I mean by that is they put on an invisible teddy bear suit that allows them to do whatever the hell they want because damn who's going to question a teddy bear? They so fluffy, they so loving, they so cute and so on. It's sort of like an automatic defense mechanism they apply before they walk out of their door. When they get caught out they crap themselves and scream 'I'm not human, I'm a teddy bear' and quite alot of people fall for it and actually feel quite guilty for thinking so badly about a teddy bear. They're the king and queens of emotional guilt trips. They're absolutely beautiful.
    Veni, Vidi, Cessi.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Sparrow's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by uncommonentity View Post
    ENFJ's have teddy bear syndrome. What I mean by that is they put on an invisible teddy bear suit that allows them to do whatever the hell they want because damn who's going to question a teddy bear? They so fluffy, they so loving, they so cute and so on. It's sort of like an automatic defense mechanism they apply before they walk out of their door. When they get caught out they crap themselves and scream 'I'm not human, I'm a teddy bear' and quite alot of people fall for it and actually feel quite guilty for thinking so badly about a teddy bear. They're the king and queens of emotional guilt trips. They're absolutely beautiful.


    Fe | Ni | Se | Ti ... 3w4 ... Lawful Neutral ... Johari -Nohari

  6. #6
    Senior Member Sparrow's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lily flower View Post
    I have an ENFJ friend who seems to be able to charm anyone. The way people swoon over him is just disgusting sometimes (although I admit that I am jealous of his skills). This is true for both men and women. The men admire and follow him. The women look besotted.

    But the strange thing is, he seems clueless in many ways when it comes to understanding people. When people get mad at him, he looks mystified and just pours on more charm. If he were a boss and someone quit and told him everything they hated about him, he would turn around and just hire someone else and not give a moment's thought to the spew of complaints against him.

    So how can someone who is so good with people be so bad with people? Does this make sense?
    If I was a boss and had an irate employee quitting on me, and talking mad shit, it would go one of three ways (depending on who it is and the situation):

    a. I would try to work it out with them, you know ENFJ's are good at at least trying to create harmony and peace .

    b. I might lose my cool...and get all diva with it! (More like devil bitch monster with it....)

    c. Try to hold my composure by holding in the tears....and then when they finally leave bust out with full on tears.

    I don't think I am clueless! Sure I can be really nice to people, if someone gets the wrong idea, I am honest and let it be known that I am not interested in them like that. We always get accused of flirting when its just us being nice dangit!
    Fe | Ni | Se | Ti ... 3w4 ... Lawful Neutral ... Johari -Nohari

  7. #7
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    It's possible for any person to work out only 'part' of how people skills work. If you happen to luck into finding out how charming people works, and you focus on/specialize in that coz it gets you what you want = reward..then why would you bother actually deepening your understanding of people? It already works! Unless you also feel the penalizing jab of rejection when people tell you they don't like you, and you ask yourself how you can resolve that. HIs solution is pour on more charm as that's always worked for him, and he seems to be uncomfortable learning something new as what he knows works so well..there's not really a reason for him to move beyond it (aside from the fact that it's probably stunting his personal growth). Other ENFJs might discover the 'charm' function of Fe later in life and start off with the social etiquette part of it, and insist on rigid structure (almost unhealthy ESFJ like) to get their way and insist on others paying their 'dues', and some will actually ask themselves why people do what they do and conclude that social etiquette is a handy tool in that, and charm works as a smoothing over tool when reality doesn't live up to the theory. It's all a matter of what was rewarded and stimulated as they progressed in life.
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    "Harm none, do as ye will”

  8. #8
    Senior Member Lily flower's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Vala Faye View Post
    It's possible for any person to work out only 'part' of how people skills work.
    This is a real eye opener to me. I think I have always thought of people at being either good or bad (on a spectrum) at people skills.

    This gives me hope. I have always felt like I was leaning toward the bad end of the spectrum, but I can see now that I am probably very good in some areas and bad in others. I'm a good listener/confidant, but horrible at the charming thing.

  9. #9
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Hon, you're NF. All you need to do is put aside that humility and let that charm flow out into the world

    Have fun with it, experiment with it and don't expect it to be flawless..it's like any skill out there. The downside if you fail is that you sometimes end up looking arrogant and incompetent..but that's the case with most things you need to learn anyways.

    Try it. You'll love it, and so will the rest of the world
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





    "Harm none, do as ye will”

  10. #10
    Senior Member INTPness's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by uncommonentity View Post
    ENFJ's have teddy bear syndrome. What I mean by that is they put on an invisible teddy bear suit that allows them to do whatever the hell they want because damn who's going to question a teddy bear? They so fluffy, they so loving, they so cute and so on. It's sort of like an automatic defense mechanism they apply before they walk out of their door. When they get caught out they crap themselves and scream 'I'm not human, I'm a teddy bear' and quite alot of people fall for it and actually feel quite guilty for thinking so badly about a teddy bear. They're the king and queens of emotional guilt trips. They're absolutely beautiful.
    Haha. Spot on.
    NTJ's are the only types that have ever made me feel emo.
    ENP's are the only types that have ever made me feel like a sensor.


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