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Thread: Hey INFP's,

  1. #1
    Junior Member Hobotastic's Avatar
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    Default Hey INFP's,

    If I may ask, what is your relationship wit your parents? I know it will differ an incredible amount, but I'm just curious

  2. #2
    Anew Leaf
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    INTP dad: Overall a great relationship. He has always been encouraging of my hobbies and interests. He has always wanted me to be self-sufficient... and to that end I know how to farm corn, use drywall screws, change a bulb that has been broken (potato!), and how to change the oil on my car. The odds of me actually doing any of these things: nil. End of the day he has been the best father I could ever have asked for. His dad is a.... "jerk" to put it mildly. I know my dad worked very hard to be the best he could be. I have been extremely fortunate to have him in my life and I can thank his silent influence for not making more mistakes in my life. The cons of my dad revolve around his lack of human interpersonal skills. He has said some pretty hurtful stuff to me at times.... and has no idea why I am upset... even when I draw a picture for him. He usually comes back with "I didnt mean it like that!" Which is great, but sometimes I think, seriously?

    ENFP mom: Overall a more volatile relationship... But then I think most daughters have problems with their mom in their teens. She was very fiery and funny to be around. The biggest problems we had were boundaries and sensitivity. She was always infringing into my little bubble land, and I hated that. She would try and "hack" into my email accounts to see what I was up to, or get into my bank account to see what I was buying, etc. That caused many fights. She also thought I was far too sensitive growing up and had no patience if I was crying, whereas my dad usually did not mind if I was crying. However, the older I got and the more we both mellowed out... the better the relationship became. I am very thankful to have had someone who loved me as much as she did in my life.

    Overall I have been extremely fortunate with both of my parents. They both encouraged me to be who I was... although at times my insane idealism drove them both nuts. "You do realize you can't sing or play guitar.... and so the odds of you having your own rock band are excessively low... right?" "Ok, here's the deal about artists: they don't make any money until after they die. Then their inheritors become millionaires... You know... yeah.... you should become an artist!" Etc.

  3. #3
    Senior Member Hinastarr's Avatar
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    ISFJ Mom: Extremely close relationship. She attempts to act both as a mother and best friend to me, and constantly encourages me to reach my own potential and be true to myself. As an ISFJ, she has recollected much of her past experiences and now, at nearly fifty years old, tries to use her wisdom to help those around her. She is incredibly sensitive, however, and in her attempts to keep everyone motivated and happy sometimes feels underappreciated, particularly with my ISFP sister, who puts the definition in "living in the moment" and is often too motivated by her own wants and desires to listen much to her advice. She is patient with family and friends, despite sometimes being sarcastic and having a quick temper, and does not expect much from others. Through years of experience, she attained a sensible and practical nature that focuses on the truth and what is concrete, wanting neither to get to abstract with her words or too consumed in the details. A realist, to better put it. She has a significant sense of right and wrong, and, as I, wants to adhere to cohesive values while still maintaining her own. I couldn;t ask for a better mom in the end .

    ESTJ dad: With his dominant Te, he appears rigid and concise in his decision making, thus rubbing others the wrong way unintentionally. While my mother focuses on values and at times moralizes, my father focuses on principles and "doing the right thing" although his definition of whats correct stems from first doing what is practical and efficient first to then get to your desires, emphasis put on the term "work first, play later". Although he means well with others, his frankness and general lack of human interpersonal skills gives the impression of being judgmental and hypercriticial, for his way of relating to the world involves organizing it systematically for efficieny and "to get the job done". While my relationship with him has never been as close, I still love him nonetheless and through him receive a sense of groundedment and what's expected (I still am only fifteen...). Often times, I feel he merely is misunderstood, as most tend to see only his outwardly abbrasive layer rather than his good-natured core.

  4. #4
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    ISFJ mom - I'm very, very close to her & we have a mostly good relationship. She's always nurtured my strengths & supported me. She sometimes fails to grasp my personality & I receive what I feel is unfair criticism & guilt-trips, but over all she tries very hard to see where I'm coming from & to be understanding.

    ISFP step-dad - We got along better when I was a kid. He encouraged/nurtured my creative side & we seemed to communicate well. I did feel like he had our best interests at heart, even if he made mistakes. He wasn't ever directly critical, but sometimes he'd get on these moralistic sprees where he'd become unreasonably uptight about stuff. He's always kept something of an emotional distance, being a step-dad. I suppose he felt like he couldn't take on the father role since I still saw my dad sometimes, but this felt a little like a rejection to me. We clash a lot more now. He's an enneagram 9 and extremely passive at times, letting people walk on him & his family to avoid confrontation. I feel like he's worried more about their feelings than his own family's welfare. This makes me angry, because I feel like he should put his family first. He finds me too critical, which is probably true. Ultimately, I know he's there for me the best way he knows how & does consider me his daughter.

    ENTP dad - He's more like a distant relative. He left when I was 2 to pursue his own selfish stuff, and now his life is rather empty & he's complacent about it & drinks too much. Growing up, he paid child support & saw me a few times a year & that was it. He's never made much effort to get to know me or bond with me. While he's good with money & practical stuff, he's very irresponsible in other ways, and tends to try & brush everything off as a joke or minimize it as "stupid". I find him self-absorbed, arrogant, & disinterested in being a parent. His good qualities are that he is book smart, creative, and outgoing with people when he wants to be.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

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  5. #5
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Saturned View Post
    INTP dad: Overall a great relationship. [....] I have been extremely fortunate to have him in my life and I can thank his silent influence for not making more mistakes in my life. The cons of my dad revolve around his lack of human interpersonal skills. He has said some pretty hurtful stuff to me at times.... and has no idea why I am upset... even when I draw a picture for him. He usually comes back with "I didnt mean it like that!" Which is great, but sometimes I think, seriously?
    sounds soooo much like my INTP dad too!! he still accuses me of being overly sensitive... but then i remind him that perhaps i am, but that same sensitivity affords me tact...

  6. #6
    Vaguely Precise Seymour's Avatar
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    I'm 42 years old, so this covers a span:

    Mom: xNFP (certainly far more extraverted than I am). Had a close relationship with her growing up, but she suffered from depression and moodiness. As a child and then as a teen, I found her emotions overwhelming to deal with, and felt like I had to work create an emotional space of my own. After I left for college, we only had minimal contact for a decade or so. Now, as an adult, it's fun to have her as a friend, since we share some similar interests and perspectives.

    Father: ESTJ. We had a very hard time seeing one another's perspectives (him moreso), and would occasionally reach big impasses that would last for days or weeks. I fought to be flexible and optimize for the moment, and he fought to impose order and teach consistency and responsibility. The mismatch between what he said and his emotional state made me feel crazy, and led me to discount my emotional perceptions for years. On the other hand, I did learn a lot of what self-discipline I have from him... and that's certainly been useful. Now my father and I have a relaxed and easy relationship. He's not quite as rigid as he used to be, and I have a much greater understanding of his perspective. I appreciate how hard he has worked to flex with me... wasn't easy for him.

    Looking back, I definitely see a pattern of initial closeness and conflict as a child and teen, then leaving home and being less close as I established my own life and independent identity. Then gradually working through my issues with my parents, followed by increasing closeness as I negotiating more of a peer relationship with them.

    I feel fortunate that my parents are in good health (physical and emotional) and that I have a positive relationship with both of them.

  7. #7
    Senior Member FunnyDigestion's Avatar
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    mom: ESFJ, overprotective, very affectionate, very routine-minded, only seems to think with emotions, good work ethic, really loving, conventional but with a silly sense of humor, tries to be understanding despite some narrow-mindedness, light-hearted, sort of naggy... a good relationship

    dad: ISTP or INTJ (leaning toward INTJ), strict, bad people skills, dumb emotionally although not usually unkind, not compassionate, narrow-minded, likes to argue, hmm these are all negative things... responsible, hard work ethic, pretty good sense of humor when in a good mood, intelligent, good parent, ultimately loving although retarded at expressing it... also very routine-minded, doesn't like many people, overall good relationship though I probably wouldn't like him if he weren't related to me.
    RCUAI
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    "Man is free, but his freedom ceases when he has no faith in it."

  8. #8
    Certified Sausage Smoker Elfboy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FunnyDigestion View Post
    mom: ESFJ, overprotective, very affectionate, very routine-minded, only seems to think with emotions, good work ethic, really loving, conventional but with a silly sense of humor, tries to be understanding despite some narrow-mindedness, light-hearted, sort of naggy... a good relationship

    dad: ISTP or INTJ (leaning toward INTJ), strict, bad people skills, dumb emotionally although not usually unkind, not compassionate, narrow-minded, likes to argue, hmm these are all negative things... responsible, hard work ethic, pretty good sense of humor when in a good mood, intelligent, good parent, ultimately loving although retarded at expressing it... also very routine-minded, doesn't like many people, overall good relationship though I probably wouldn't like him if he weren't related to me.
    have you considered ISTJ for your dad? just curious
    ENFP: We put the Fi in Fire
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  9. #9
    Senior Member FunnyDigestion's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elfboy View Post
    have you considered ISTJ for your dad? just curious
    Yeah but he's pretty unorganized & has a rebellious side... he'll break the rules if he thinks it'll get things done, I've generally always known him to be really disdainful of people he thinks are "followers" & rule-mongerers. & he never follows directions or listens to anyone... whenever he talks about being in school he brags about doing everything on his own & being smarter than the teachers, etc.
    RCUAI
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    "Man is free, but his freedom ceases when he has no faith in it."

  10. #10
    Certified Sausage Smoker Elfboy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FunnyDigestion View Post
    Yeah but he's pretty unorganized & has a rebellious side... he'll break the rules if he thinks it'll get things done, I've generally always known him to be really disdainful of people he thinks are "followers" & rule-mongerers. & he never follows directions or listens to anyone... whenever he talks about being in school he brags about doing everything on his own & being smarter than the teachers, etc.
    hmm, sounds like an INTJ 1
    ENFP: We put the Fi in Fire
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    Sunburst!
    "You are a gay version of Gambit" Speed Gavroche
    "I wish that I could be affected by any hate, but I can't, cuz I just get affected by the bank" Chamillionaire

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