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  1. #1
    Senior Member Angry Ayrab's Avatar
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    Default Help me please, I am a newb to this personality stuff.

    Ok, I am a first year med student. The whole class had to take this Meyers-Brigg test thing and then talk to a psychiatry resident to explain all our strengths and weakness' in regards to becoming doctors. I found out some very interesting stuff about myself but I am actually more interested in something I found out about someone else in my class.

    My persona type is on the lef, and this is my first time here, a friend pointed me to this forum. Before I ask my question, here is a quick blurb about me. I am a bit of a goofball and everyone has fun when I am around, but everyone also wonders how the hell I got in the class with them. I do pretty well in classes as long as it interests me, but if the crap is boring, forget about it. I am a mess and probably the center of attention in the class of 70 people. My only problem is that some girls think I am flirting with them when I am not, and get upset when they find out I am not interested, and the shrink warned me about that.

    Now enough about me, and lets get to my question.

    I just found out that the girl who I can't keep my mind off of (for the last 9 months) is an INFJ. What I need you guys to tell me is how can I get to know this person better? Here is the problem, I can read almost anyone within a few minutes of chatting and then change my personality like a chameleon to mesh with theirs and make them comfortable.

    I am very confident and speak my mind, but when I am sitting with this girl, I am so freaking nervous I lose all confidence and start to look like a total idiot. Even worst, I try to read her but get nothing?

    This is not normal for me and I really wish I could get to know this person better, because she is the sweetest thing I have ever seen. The only thing I know about her is that she has strong convictions about what is right and wrong (from our ethics discussions) and very compassionate (from how she deals with everyone). She hangs out with no one (I don

  2. #2
    Senior Member ThatsWhatHeSaid's Avatar
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    1. I'm cynical.
    2. I struggle with anxiety.
    3. I've been in your situation. Here's my advice.

    Getting to know this girl has nothing to do with type. If you want to get to know her, you need to confront your fear of rejection and embarrassment and make peace with it. If you try to get to know her using 4 letters, ultimately, you'll end up shooting yourself in the foot, because your mind will be running a million miles an hour, steering the conversation into unnatural directions to confirm and stay consistent with your hypothesis. You'll end up getting to know the MBTI caricature you paint of her, instead of the real her.

    In my experience, connection happens when you stop trying to achieve something, and that includes actively getting to know her. In most relationships, intimacy is a byproduct of being yourself, not something you go out and achieve or conquer. If your mind is too busy trying to achieve, you won't have any cognitive space to be yourself and establish connections. So, it's easy: just be yourself - enjoy yourself and your time - and do your best not to worry about the progress your making or losing. If you worry, no big deal, just gently bring yourself back to enjoying your time with the company you have in front of you. Either way you'll come out with a decent experience so there isn't much to lose.

  3. #3
    mrs disregard's Avatar
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    That is great advice, Edahn.

    I have been on the other end of this situation. Someone thought they knew my type and was treating me as if I were that type, and it was so frustrating.. they way they treated me felt awkward and uncomfortable because they were serving phantom needs of mine.

  4. #4
    Senior Member Angry Ayrab's Avatar
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    Nice reply man, I am really new to this MBTI personality stuff, but when I heard that I could find out something about her, I jumped on it. I haven't even read anything about ENFP's (my type, which a normal person would probably be doing), I have just been prowling the net for clues about this INFJ sweety.

    But thanks for the wake up call I, probably wasted alot of time just reading stuff that probably is just super general and unhelpful.

    I guess I need to work on growing a pair now, but that quiet smile she gives me makes me stutter and sweat ma balls off. Man, I am so confused, I have never been intimidated by anyone.

  5. #5
    Senior Member ThatsWhatHeSaid's Avatar
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    Hmmm, lets see.

    -- Ah Jesus... my brother's trying to fart on me. This is horrible. Ah crap. He did it.

    Oh crap. My other brother's in the room n --

    Sorry. Seems like you have a pretty good attitude about all this. Would it help to know that you're not alone? I've never met a guy who doesn't sweat his balls off when something he REALLY WANTS comes by. It's the nature of attachment and desire. It fucks with you and hides who you are. But it's cool.

    You could always consider confessing to her that you tried reading up on her MBTI profile because you wanted to avoid pissing her off and it was easier than hiring a private investigator to go through her trash. She laughs and asks --

    -- oh jeez. He's back... --

    Pardon the interruption. She laughs and asks: "what is it that INFJs don't like?" and you say something hilarious like "terminal cancer," or "dog bites," or "frostbite." She laughs, you laugh, and who knows where the conversation goes from there. Hopefully she doesn't call the cops.

    *thumbs up*

  6. #6
    Senior Member Nameless's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Angry Ayrab View Post
    Nice reply man, I am really new to this MBTI personality stuff, but when I heard that I could find out something about her, I jumped on it. I haven't even read anything about ENFP's (my type, which a normal person would probably be doing), I have just been prowling the net for clues about this INFJ sweety.

    But thanks for the wake up call I, probably wasted alot of time just reading stuff that probably is just super general and unhelpful.

    I guess I need to work on growing a pair now, but that quiet smile she gives me makes me stutter and sweat ma balls off. Man, I am so confused, I have never been intimidated by anyone.
    Hey, you're not the only one. Beautiful or powerful girls don't intimidate me at all generally, but if I decide I really like someone, then I do all the things you're describing, and it's terrible.
    I've found a few things that help this though, but I know they aren't always possible to do.
    1. Spend a longer amount of time with her in a row and that "full" feeling that makes you say stupid shit and sweat balls will go away. Like I always find the feeling is worst when I first start talking to them...so instead of interacting for 5 minutes at a time lots of times, try 30 at a time for a shorter amount of time. Like set up a study session or date.
    2. Spending time alone with them also helps me shake that feeling and act like myself.
    3. Hang out with her and your friends, the better friends they are with you the better...like hang out with her in your element. This will give you a boost and help you act like yourself.
    4. A little alcohol. I mean like a beer or two, not getting completely trashed obviously.

    But yeah, I have no idea why I do it either. I think it might have something to do with being an idealist and sort of idealizing them in order to like them. We're cool with everyone we don't like because we see how they're not perfect, no matter how famous/hot/smart they are. But once we idealize someone, we're immediately beneath them, which makes it hard to interact normally.

    Anyways, I hope some of that helped...Good luck

  7. #7
    Senior Member INTJMom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Angry Ayrab View Post
    ...
    I just found out that the girl who I can't keep my mind off of (for the last 9 months) is an INFJ. What I need you guys to tell me is how can I get to know this person better? ...
    You're charming, right?
    Use it to your advantage.
    I'm sure she'll like you.
    Try asking her out for coffee or ice cream, but in your charming ENFP way.

  8. #8
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    My sister being an INFJ, do as she says if she tells you to back off; you will regret it if you decide not to. She's just angry and will usually be cheerful if you come back in a few hours. They often tend to not pick up on attempts at sparking subtle chemistry in the moment, and then reflect later about them and realize they were chemistry (not saying anything about doing it more or less, just noting). They often have a hard time taking the initiative to make anything official as introverts, so that's more likely going to be your job.

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