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  1. #1
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    Default INFPs and approachability

    Hey everyone! I've been lurking for a little while but I thought I'd finally introduce myself! I don't know that many NFs in real life so I'm glad I found you guys!

    I have a question for the INFPs and I guess anyone who knows any. I know it's part of our type's personality to seem aloof/mysterious sometimes, but I find myself initiating all my friendships because no one ever invites me out or approaches me first! It feels like I'm invisible until I make myself talk more than I usually would, and while I do get positive feedback or whatever, it feels so discouraging sometimes! Like, do they really like me or am I just imposing on their time or something? And then I feel like I have to be this happy, upbeat person all the time, because if I was my normal quiet self, no one would want to be friends with me. So my question is, what do you guys do to make yourself seem more approachable but also seem like your normal self?

    Thanks!!

  2. #2
    RETIRED CzeCze's Avatar
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    Not an INFP but know what you're talking about - smile more, make eye contact, open up your chest, seem open.

    Fi can make introverts close in even more upon themselves, there's a gravity to Fi that sucks everything into the center. Trust me, it's not just me being new agey, other people can sense this. That's partly why unless you consciously change your mindset when you are out and especially your body language, you will find less or no people approach you. Some INFPs don't have this thuogh, they seem more dreamy and defenseless, so will have lots of randoms approach them. Then they switch into mean closed off INFPs in public and reset this vicious cycle. :P

    I would still approach you, but then, I am a Fi heavy and an extrovert, so you INFPs don't scare me one bit :P
    “If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.” ― Oscar Wilde

    "I'm outtie 5000" ― Romulux

    Johari/Nohari

  3. #3
    Member Tofu562's Avatar
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    Yeah, I think for extroverts, INFPs are very approachable. I came to be friends with one INFP because we got seated next to each other in Physics, and we completely hit it off for the rest of the year. Another one I know is an ex-girlfriend, and we always shared a certain chemistry long before we started dating.

  4. #4
    Junior Member Hobotastic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by notarobot View Post

    I find myself initiating all my friendships because no one ever invites me out or approaches me first! It feels like I'm invisible until I make myself talk more than I usually would, and while I do get positive feedback or whatever, it feels so discouraging sometimes! Like, do they really like me or am I just imposing on their time or something? And then I feel like I have to be this happy, upbeat person all the time, because if I was my normal quiet self, no one would want to be friends with me.
    I have the exact same thoughts that go through my head. The only thing that temporarily saved me from being approachable was having very close friends who enjoyed my awkwardness. I still have those thoughts though, even though I know they're not true...

  5. #5
    You have a choice! 21%'s Avatar
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    I think some people take "no feedback" as "negative feedback" -- so if you seem like a happy, upbeat person, that's "positive feedback" and people think you want to spend time with them and will invite you out. If you don't show something like this, they might interpret it as you saying that you don't enjoy spending time with them and won't ask you out the next time.

    I have problems initiating things myself because I don't know if the person wants to hang out or not (though I end up doing the initiation most of the time in a new environment). If the person seems only 'lukewarm', I will take it as a sign that they do not like me and will probably won't have the nerves to ask them to hang out again.

    Once you're close friends with someone and they know you well enough, it's a different story
    4w5 sp/sx EII

  6. #6
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    Thanks everyone! I think you're all probably right and I just don't realize I'm not giving positive feedback or seeming open enough...sometimes I just don't realize that I'm wrapped up in my own feelings that I have misleading body language or something. I just wish I knew how to realize I'm doing it! It's harder when you're nervous about people liking you, but I guess that's something that comes with practice. and being around people I have more in common with...

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