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[MBTI General] How to piss an idealist off

Santosha

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How to Piss AN Idealist Off. =P


As an idealist, I've got to say that one of the worst, hands-down WORST things that another type can do to me, is stomp on my dreams or passions :mad:

I don't see this happen all that much, beacuse I don't generally get too involved with people like this. And I'm not talking about a nice, heatlhy, reality slap that might be needed from time to time. I'm talking about passionless, debbie-downers that are never open to possibilites, that feel the need to point out every weak-link and bad thing that can go wrong, or how your idea is just "never going to work" no matter how much you try to inspire them. You know the type.. when they enter a room you can hear Trent Reznor or Radio Head playing in the back ground "every day is exactly the same" ... meh.

Maybe they think they are protecting me from myself.. from falling on my face.. to which I wan't to reply "Thankyou, but I've had 25 yrs dealing with ideas that don't pan out. I've developed more bounce than Shakira's backside, so save it."

Yep, this mentality must be the absolute worst for me to work with. It's probably and Ne thing too. Hurt my feelings? Bah- I can suck it up and bounce back.. but try to take my passions, hopes, and possibilites from me.. you are an evil, evil purple pie man.

Question: What is the worst thing another type can do to you? (You know, beyond human injustice, murder, abuse, etc.) I am curious what really hits a nerve with other ENFP's, and all NF's for that matter.
 

Santosha

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Wow, that is so funny.. just after posting this I saw the Trent Reznor thread on the index. And BTW, I love Reznor and Radio Head.. truly.. I just can't listen to them all the time without wanting to off myself.
 

FunnyDigestion

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Hm... probably try to tell me what to do, or act like I don't know what I'm doing or talking about when I do. Especially when it's something I know I've done well, only in a way ungraspable to their mode of perception. Yet some people just assume they know better. That irks me. I usually can take half the blame though since I do everything partly unconsciously, often directionlessly, & I hate making a show of my knowledge / ability so the particular reason I did something a certain way is invisible to the outside observer.

gotta typo in your thread title BTW :wink:
 
A

Anew Leaf

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Question: What is the worst thing another type can do to you? (You know, beyond human injustice, murder, abuse, etc.) I am curious what really hits a nerve with other ENFP's, and all NF's for that matter.

Day to day things:
1- Betray my trust.
2- "The stomp on my passions" thing you mentioned.
3- Not let me be me or accept me for who I am. (You don't have to like me.)
 

FunnyDigestion

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(You don't have to like me.)

"But you will respect me!

wanna know why??

... Cuz I'm a bAWss!!"

[YOUTUBE="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SSgp-IIgr4I"]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SSgp-IIgr4I[/YOUTUBE]
 

InvisibleJim

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When they tell you what their dream is to 'make' bring them said item back from the stationary cupboard in the office.

Point out how much time they have now saved because someone has did it already.
 

Santosha

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Day to day things:
1- Betray my trust.
2- "The stomp on my passions" thing you mentioned.
3- Not let me be me or accept me for who I am. (You don't have to like me.)

Oh ya, I'd say trust is probably next to the stomping on my dreams deal. Infact, I had a fellow ENFP friend betray my trust a few months ago. We went to Vegas.. and it was suppose to be a "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" thang.. sure enough.. he told just about all of our aquaintances within 2 weeks of being back. The next time I saw him.. we took a nice little ride where I informed him that he is no longer in my "circle of trust" and as a punishment, he hasn't been invited to the last few gatherings. I think he's learned to not exploit my crazy adventures to draw attention to himself again.
 

rav3n

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3- Not let me be me or accept me for who I am. (You don't have to like me.)
Hope you don't mind this challenge but I'd say as long as someone shows they "like" you and it's mutual, idealists will take a lot of grief.
 
A

Anew Leaf

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Hope you don't mind this challenge but I'd say as long as someone shows they "like" you and it's mutual, idealists will take a lot of grief.

I don't mind the challenge. I am just not sure I get what you mean exactly, could you please reframe?
 

rav3n

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I don't mind the challenge. I am just not sure I get what you mean exactly, could you please reframe?
Say an idealist likes someone romantically. Do they morph towards their romantic interest?
 

Elfboy

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1) put us in a box
2) pick on a little kid (and unleash the fiery wrathful judgement of Fi)
3) tell us we're normal
 

Sparrow

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A freeloading INTP was staying at my house for a while, eating up all the food, drinking up all the milk, making tons of excuses for not being able to work, rawr! So anyway, he planned on moving out since he was not contributing (we made a deal with him to let him stay at our place for only a month if he couldn't pay rent). His new roommates were going to pay for his train ticket from Seattle to Florida. The day before he was supposed to leave he tells me that they cant pay for the ticket any more. I offered to help him out with a few hundred bucks, it was worth it for me give him money to leave. His train ticket was going to cost $370, and he only had $50 to his name. So I look around online and found a great deal on plane tickets from Seattle to New York with a connecting flight to Florida, it was around $230. I tell him that I will buy the ticket, and he argues with me! Saying some bull shit about being terrified of being in New York with no money. Which is dumb because the lay over is only 2 hours!!!! We go back n forth, I keep trying to tell him everything will be fine! But he keeps resisting! Finally I get reallllly frustrated and tell him he is being really difficult. I stormed out of the house and take a drive to cool down. I thought he was being really rude because I am the one going out of my way to buy a ticket for him. I am unemployed, go with the cheaper route asshole! I come back 30 minutes later and he tells me some bizarre story about him having a bad experience at a New York AND Los Angles airport, something that involved men with guns at both airports. UNBELIEVABLE! Then he tells me he is terrified of flying. MAN UP!!!!! Take care of your shit dude, get your life together. He was always moping around the house being all depressing, talking about how every thing isn't fair, and how the United States is all fucked up, oh and how he just wishes people would help people more. I always tried to help him to see things differently but could never really get through to him, he played the victim roll really well. Manipulative loser!!!!!!! Grrrrr......glad he is gone. He really PISSED me off!!!!!!!
 
A

Anew Leaf

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Yes, as well as better appeal to that person.

Excellent question.

It's actually something I am aware of and have to actively bonk down a bit. In the beginning of any relationship we all want to look and act our best, and NFs can take this to the extremes. My new goal the next time I get romantically involved is to simply be myself with him and see what happens from that. It does neither of us any good if I am pretending to be someone I am not because then we are both hurt and frustrated. (Been there, done with that.) So it can be a tricky balancing act between natural NF inclinations and more pragmatic approaches. Ultimately I want someone to like and love me for who I am (all the glitter and all the foibles), and if they don't then we are both better off apart.

I spent 4.5 years with an INTJ trying to be what he wanted (another INTJ), and I am unwilling to do that again. :)

Hopefully I answered to your satisfaction. *squirms a bit* Didn't really want to answer this, haha!

*pulls pins out of body and relaxes*
 

skylights

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Hope you don't mind this challenge but I'd say as long as someone shows they "like" you and it's mutual, idealists will take a lot of grief.

that's probably true. though that's external... inside it may cause a lot of turmoil. my non-NF boss likes me as a person, and i like her, but as a superior she pisses me off constantly. i don't want to be mean because i know she has a hard job and is very pressured and i want her to have a good life too, but god does she piss me off. she's disorganized and micromanages, and the little scoop of Te in me wants to pop her in a box and organize everything for her.

Say an idealist likes someone romantically. Do they morph towards their romantic interest?

yeah. an NFP will, at least. maybe an NFJ less so. but at the same time, i think there's some kind of self-regulating principle in that the NF is not likely to be drawn to someone who does not embody some of their values, so in some ways when i like someone and morph towards them it's going in a direction i am pleased to grow in anyway.
 

Crescent Fresh

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I usually feel upset (I think pissed is such a strong word) when people always making wrong quick judgements of me, without any serious attempt trying to get to know me first.

I'm also not really good at making a great first impression as I'm quite reserved, shy, and also having a cold exterior certainly doesn't help either. I just didn't really hate it when people make a blatant judgement on some one just based on a few conversations here and there.

Actually, I do judge a person based on what they say both in public and private, but I would keep collecting those cues inwardly without expressing them outwardly, especially if the judgement can be seen as somewhat negative.


Oh, another thing which can really upset me is when people who you thought they are important to you are not there for you when needed. I think most INFJs really cherish people who they are very close to, as that immediately implied that a massive amount of trust and patience has been invested in the relationship. I'm not sure if it has to do with how INFJs set their pars too high for others, but once we started dropping the signs of seeking reassurance from people, we are really desperate. And it can be really upsetting when these people can be around you.

I suppose being a counselor can be such a lone journey when there's no other counselors to assist us in return. :(
 
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