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  1. #11
    Anew Leaf
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jenaphor View Post
    Say an idealist likes someone romantically. Do they morph towards their romantic interest?
    Oh, as in "change" ourselves to be a better fit with that person?

  2. #12
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Saturned View Post
    Oh, as in "change" ourselves to be a better fit with that person?
    Yes, as well as better appeal to that person.

  3. #13
    Certified Sausage Smoker Elfboy's Avatar
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    1) put us in a box
    2) pick on a little kid (and unleash the fiery wrathful judgement of Fi)
    3) tell us we're normal
    ENFP: We put the Fi in Fire
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    "You are a gay version of Gambit" Speed Gavroche
    "I wish that I could be affected by any hate, but I can't, cuz I just get affected by the bank" Chamillionaire

  4. #14
    Senior Member Sparrow's Avatar
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    A freeloading INTP was staying at my house for a while, eating up all the food, drinking up all the milk, making tons of excuses for not being able to work, rawr! So anyway, he planned on moving out since he was not contributing (we made a deal with him to let him stay at our place for only a month if he couldn't pay rent). His new roommates were going to pay for his train ticket from Seattle to Florida. The day before he was supposed to leave he tells me that they cant pay for the ticket any more. I offered to help him out with a few hundred bucks, it was worth it for me give him money to leave. His train ticket was going to cost $370, and he only had $50 to his name. So I look around online and found a great deal on plane tickets from Seattle to New York with a connecting flight to Florida, it was around $230. I tell him that I will buy the ticket, and he argues with me! Saying some bull shit about being terrified of being in New York with no money. Which is dumb because the lay over is only 2 hours!!!! We go back n forth, I keep trying to tell him everything will be fine! But he keeps resisting! Finally I get reallllly frustrated and tell him he is being really difficult. I stormed out of the house and take a drive to cool down. I thought he was being really rude because I am the one going out of my way to buy a ticket for him. I am unemployed, go with the cheaper route asshole! I come back 30 minutes later and he tells me some bizarre story about him having a bad experience at a New York AND Los Angles airport, something that involved men with guns at both airports. UNBELIEVABLE! Then he tells me he is terrified of flying. MAN UP!!!!! Take care of your shit dude, get your life together. He was always moping around the house being all depressing, talking about how every thing isn't fair, and how the United States is all fucked up, oh and how he just wishes people would help people more. I always tried to help him to see things differently but could never really get through to him, he played the victim roll really well. Manipulative loser!!!!!!! Grrrrr......glad he is gone. He really PISSED me off!!!!!!!
    Fe | Ni | Se | Ti ... 3w4 ... Lawful Neutral ... Johari -Nohari

  5. #15
    Anew Leaf
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jenaphor View Post
    Yes, as well as better appeal to that person.
    Excellent question.

    It's actually something I am aware of and have to actively bonk down a bit. In the beginning of any relationship we all want to look and act our best, and NFs can take this to the extremes. My new goal the next time I get romantically involved is to simply be myself with him and see what happens from that. It does neither of us any good if I am pretending to be someone I am not because then we are both hurt and frustrated. (Been there, done with that.) So it can be a tricky balancing act between natural NF inclinations and more pragmatic approaches. Ultimately I want someone to like and love me for who I am (all the glitter and all the foibles), and if they don't then we are both better off apart.

    I spent 4.5 years with an INTJ trying to be what he wanted (another INTJ), and I am unwilling to do that again.

    Hopefully I answered to your satisfaction. *squirms a bit* Didn't really want to answer this, haha!

    *pulls pins out of body and relaxes*

  6. #16
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Saturned View Post
    *pulls pins out of body and relaxes*
    *disables further land mines*

  7. #17
    Senior Member Santosha's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sparrow View Post
    A freeloading INTP


    If I had a penny for every EN/SFJ that ends up in this situation.. I coulda sent this guy first class for you =D
    Man suffers only because he takes seriously what the gods made for fun - Watts

  8. #18
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jenaphor View Post
    Hope you don't mind this challenge but I'd say as long as someone shows they "like" you and it's mutual, idealists will take a lot of grief.
    that's probably true. though that's external... inside it may cause a lot of turmoil. my non-NF boss likes me as a person, and i like her, but as a superior she pisses me off constantly. i don't want to be mean because i know she has a hard job and is very pressured and i want her to have a good life too, but god does she piss me off. she's disorganized and micromanages, and the little scoop of Te in me wants to pop her in a box and organize everything for her.

    Say an idealist likes someone romantically. Do they morph towards their romantic interest?
    yeah. an NFP will, at least. maybe an NFJ less so. but at the same time, i think there's some kind of self-regulating principle in that the NF is not likely to be drawn to someone who does not embody some of their values, so in some ways when i like someone and morph towards them it's going in a direction i am pleased to grow in anyway.

  9. #19
    Anew Leaf
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jenaphor View Post
    *disables further land mines*
    hehe I saw them and was like, crap. I totally walked into this meadow of my own accord cheerfully chasing a butterfly. Welp! I deserve it!

  10. #20
    Diving into Ni-space Crescent Fresh's Avatar
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    I usually feel upset (I think pissed is such a strong word) when people always making wrong quick judgements of me, without any serious attempt trying to get to know me first.

    I'm also not really good at making a great first impression as I'm quite reserved, shy, and also having a cold exterior certainly doesn't help either. I just didn't really hate it when people make a blatant judgement on some one just based on a few conversations here and there.

    Actually, I do judge a person based on what they say both in public and private, but I would keep collecting those cues inwardly without expressing them outwardly, especially if the judgement can be seen as somewhat negative.


    Oh, another thing which can really upset me is when people who you thought they are important to you are not there for you when needed. I think most INFJs really cherish people who they are very close to, as that immediately implied that a massive amount of trust and patience has been invested in the relationship. I'm not sure if it has to do with how INFJs set their pars too high for others, but once we started dropping the signs of seeking reassurance from people, we are really desperate. And it can be really upsetting when these people can be around you.

    I suppose being a counselor can be such a lone journey when there's no other counselors to assist us in return.

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