• You are currently viewing our forum as a guest, which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community, you will have access to additional post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), view blogs, respond to polls, upload content, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please join our community today! Just click here to register. You should turn your Ad Blocker off for this site or certain features may not work properly. If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us by clicking here.

[MBTI General] What type is the best at reading people?

Randomnity

insert random title here
Joined
May 8, 2007
Messages
9,485
MBTI Type
ISTP
Enneagram
6w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
I didn't tell her I hated the job. I actually said, yeah I like it, it's just not my dream job.

In the context of a boss-employee chat, I would interpret that particular phrasing as "I hate my job" unless there were clear indications otherwise. Just because most people talking to their boss would sugar coat "I hate my job" into something along the lines of what you said (actually most would sugarcoat further). Now maybe you have a different dynamic than usual that might change things, like an unusually honest relationship, but just thinking about in general.

....I don't know, maybe most people wouldn't interpret it that way, but I would.

Sorry, carry on. That particular example just seemed odd to me.
 

Southern Kross

Away with the fairies
Joined
Dec 22, 2008
Messages
2,910
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
so/sp
Yeah. The question here isn't really about who can read people. I would never tell anyone on an elevator that they look nervous. Even if they are nervous, me telling them wouldn't help them. It might do it worse, since now they are very conscious of the nervousness and the fact that people can see it. So, if I wanted to tell them, I should be able to read the person well enough to know that it is something they actually need to hear.

My guess is that the Fe people will be the ones to read and tell.

Agreed. But I don't know that I would associate it with Fe; my boss is an ENFP and he brings up his readings of others. He's much worse though. He pretends he's not reading me and then when we are in the middle of a tense discussion or disagreement, he brings up fundamental flaws in my nature, albeit in a seemingly sympathetic way. Its really a manipulative attempt to weaken me and make me compliant, and it friggin works every time. :dry:

the difference being that a diary is hopefully well-hidden, whereas some people happen to project their emotions into everything. i don't think it's either invasive or unfair to say something when emotions are tangible, as long as it's kind and well-intentioned.
Oh, I'm sure there are times when it is appropriate to say something. However, it seems there are many people who are good at reading others, yet there are few that understand the important of discretion in using this skill. If its a touchy subject and the person involved, very private, it is usually best to not address the matter directly unless they bring it up. If I suspect a friend of mine is depressed I don't say "you seem depressed", instead I will attempt to spend time with them and make an extra effort to lend a sympathetic ear. On the other hand, my ISFJ Mum does this really great thing when she's at the supermarket and sees a stressed and embarrassed young mother with a screaming child. She jokes with the woman about how her kids were the same at that age or something to that effect, in order to deflect the tension, to make the woman feel less judged by others and to emphasize that she's not alone.

I also think some people convince themselves that it they are well intentioned but really they are using it to their own advantage, as it was with HiddenAutumn's boss (and mine). Others are more interested in pointing out the fact that they can read someone in order to boast about their skill than using it to help others. As nolla said, perhaps it has less to do with whether you can read someone and more to do with what you do with that knowledge.
 

stalemate

Post-Humorously
Joined
May 6, 2010
Messages
1,402
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7w6
I know a couple of ISFJs that are unmatched:

1118932619_7511.jpg
 

nolla

Senor Membrane
Joined
May 22, 2008
Messages
3,166
MBTI Type
INFP
Agreed. But I don't know that I would associate it with Fe; my boss is an ENFP and he brings up his readings of others. He's much worse though. He pretends he's not reading me and then when we are in the middle of a tense discussion or disagreement, he brings up fundamental flaws in my nature, albeit in a seemingly sympathetic way. Its really a manipulative attempt to weaken me and make me compliant, and it friggin works every time. :dry:

Actually I could see myself doing something like that if under stress. Sometimes I use the info I've got in an absent-minded way, for example if someone tells me something "radical" they did, like cheated or quit their job or whatever, I might say "Yeah, that's sounds just like you" (in a joking manner), and to me it is funny since it fits their "profile" in my head, but they themselves might not think that it is something they would do. They might be surprised of themselves doing it, or embarrassed or anything. There have been a couple of times like this, I'm sure. In a way I read them right about this thing, but I didn't know that they were not aware of the thing themselves. Those are awkward situations.
 

Amargith

Hotel California
Joined
Nov 5, 2008
Messages
14,717
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
4dw
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Agreed. But I don't know that I would associate it with Fe; my boss is an ENFP and he brings up his readings of others. He's much worse though. He pretends he's not reading me and then when we are in the middle of a tense discussion or disagreement, he brings up fundamental flaws in my nature, albeit in a seemingly sympathetic way. Its really a manipulative attempt to weaken me and make me compliant, and it friggin works every time. :dry:


Oh, I'm sure there are times when it is appropriate to say something. However, it seems there are many people who are good at reading others, yet there are few that understand the important of discretion in using this skill. If its a touchy subject and the person involved, very private, it is usually best to not address the matter directly unless they bring it up. If I suspect a friend of mine is depressed I don't say "you seem depressed", instead I will attempt to spend time with them and make an extra effort to lend a sympathetic ear. On the other hand, my ISFJ Mum does this really great thing when she's at the supermarket and sees a stressed and embarrassed young mother with a screaming child. She jokes with the woman about how her kids were the same at that age or something to that effect, in order to deflect the tension, to make the woman feel less judged by others and to emphasize that she's not alone.

I also think some people convince themselves that it they are well intentioned but really they are using it to their own advantage, as it was with HiddenAutumn's boss (and mine). Others are more interested in pointing out the fact that they can read someone in order to boast about their skill than using it to help others. As nolla said, perhaps it has less to do with whether you can read someone and more to do with what you do with that knowledge.

Agreed. I'd even wager a cautious guess that perhaps reading people in dept could be contributed to Fi, whereas knowing when to and how to say something about it is perhaps attributed to Fe. I still sometimes fuck up and say something I've picked up on absentmindedly to people while in group or not alone or when they're not comfortable with me yet. Social inappropriateness, ftw. I forget that I'm not alone, and get into connecting with the person who might not be comfortable with that in the first place and worse, when there's others, might provide others with info they aren't supposed to be privy to which can cause some serious ruffled feathers. I have that even more so on forums as it feels like I'm having a convo one on one, while forgetting that the entire effing forum can see what I've written and what the other person writes. I just get consumed by the conversation and I don't really..have that need for social appropriateness. It's hard to keep that in mind sometimes, especially when you're focusing on something else that needs doing (the argument at hand, the debate, the gathering of info etc).
 

Lily flower

New member
Joined
Jun 28, 2010
Messages
930
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
2
I know that you think you are good at hiding your feelings, but the truth is that most of us are much worse at hiding our feelings than we think we are.

It's just that most people won't actually comment on what they think we are feeling because they are polite or don't want to pry.
 

Hobotastic

New member
Joined
Jun 29, 2011
Messages
16
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
9w1
I actually have a good friend who is INFJ and I can read how he is feeling in a snap, and I can see how much he tries to hide them.
Although I don't really make it known unless it's important.
I don't know if that helps though because your boss doesn't sound like an INFP to me.
 

Esoteric Wench

Professional Trickster
Joined
Dec 20, 2009
Messages
945
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7w8
I've read in a couple of different places that ENFPs and ENFJs were the most observant of other people. This rings true to me. It's not that ESFPs and ESFJs aren't good at reading people, too. But, I think the combination of N with F means that ENFPs and ENFJs tend to automatically give meaning to their observations. Whereas, ESFPs and ESFJs may pick up on the same information, but not necessarily analyze what they're seeing.

Agreed. I'd even wager a cautious guess that perhaps reading people in dept could be contributed to Fi, whereas knowing when to and how to say something about it is perhaps attributed to Fe. I still sometimes fuck up and say something I've picked up on absentmindedly to people while in group or not alone or when they're not comfortable with me yet. Social inappropriateness, ftw. I forget that I'm not alone, and get into connecting with the person who might not be comfortable with that in the first place and worse, when there's others, might provide others with info they aren't supposed to be privy to which can cause some serious ruffled feathers. I have that even more so on forums as it feels like I'm having a convo one on one, while forgetting that the entire effing forum can see what I've written and what the other person writes. I just get consumed by the conversation and I don't really..have that need for social appropriateness. It's hard to keep that in mind sometimes, especially when you're focusing on something else that needs doing (the argument at hand, the debate, the gathering of info etc).

I really identified with what Vala Faye wrote here. I don't want to derail the thread, too much. But I think she's dead on accurate in describing what it feels like to have Fi. I get so wrapped up in my Fi connection with the other person, that I forget to put that connection into a greater social context.

Back to the original post re: the comment on the elevator, this completely sounds like something that I would do. Would I have done it if other people had been on the elevator with us? Probably not... but not necessarily because I wouldn't want to embarrass the other person, but more likely because the presence of other people would diffuse my Fi connectedness. In other words, I might have divided my attention among several people and not necessarily notice the OPer's nervousness. Only recently have I become aware that my Fi observations might not always be welcome at the time and place I make them.

:doh:
 

Resonance

Energizer Bunny
Joined
May 18, 2010
Messages
740
MBTI Type
INfj
Enneagram
6w5
I've read in a couple of different places that ENFPs and ENFJs were the most observant of other people. This rings true to me. It's not that ESFPs and ESFJs aren't good at reading people, too. But, I think the combination of N with F means that ENFPs and ENFJs tend to automatically give meaning to their observations. Whereas, ESFPs and ESFJs may pick up on the same information, but not necessarily analyze what they're seeing.
I think it's more that ESFs tend to rely on what they think the normal thing to think/feel in the situation is, and try to match you to it instead of using subtle cues like hesitation and eye-openedness. Of course, if you're not acting 'right', they'll notice, and if they care then sooner or later they'll ask you what's wrong, but for some reason it seems to take them a while.

Personally, I pretty much automatically model how people are operating inside, and compare my understanding to their behaviour. So it can take me a while to 'lock on', since most people are not shallow bricks with no mask on. But once I do, I take it for granted, adjusting my speech and body language to make them more comfortable.
 

wildcat

New member
Joined
Jun 8, 2007
Messages
3,622
MBTI Type
INTP
I've learned over the years that men aren't as good at reading people as woman. I'm not saying all men can't read people, but it just seems to be a skill that's generally stronger in woman.

I've also learned that very, very few people are good at reading me. I'm scarily skilled at hiding my emotions.

Anyway, imagine my surprise when I stepped into an elevator a few months ago and a man I had never seen before said to me (within seconds of seeing me): "You look nervous." I was nervous. "Do I?" I asked, not really wanting to confirm or deny at first. Then I said, "Well...I'm always nervous about something." And he said, "Don't be, you'll be fine." Then he got off the elevator and disappeared.

I just really wonder what type he is because he's got some mad skills to be able to read me (Miss heart under her sleeve) within a matter of seconds. The only other person who I've ever met that was that good at reading me was a previous boss I had. I didn't like her and I never confided in her and yet she would accuse me of thinking or feelings things as if I had openly expressed them, and she was usually right! uncanny. What type are these two random master readers? They are rare indeed.

1. ENFJ.
2. INTJ.
 
G

Ginkgo

Guest
How about we find someone good at reading people to determine who's good at reading people? Derp.
 
Joined
Mar 27, 2011
Messages
150
MBTI Type
INFP
In terms of emotions, probably NFs. An INFP's Fi enables them to empathize with and understand what lies inside a person, identifying what lies beneath one's body language and actions and searching for authenticity, both in others and self, whilst an ENFJ tries to identify the mood of the group to then idenitfy what the whole truly needs need via their introverted intuition (this also could be true for ESFJs, but with auxilary usgae of Si).

INFJ and ENFP, although tend to focus more on disclosing patterns and underlying meanings to conventional perception, INFJ living primarily through creating their own sense of reality they constantly reconstruct and modify to then just "know" the answers to moral questions beneath all the mist, and ENFP focusing on external patterns and changes to they relate to others in theirselves.

However, I do think other types can be quite adept for this as well, as ISFP could identify people's hidden motives and relate to what they haven't expressed based on what they display externally, same being said for most Se users. NTs generally seem to focus more on logical truths and underlying symbols in rationality, nonetheless, while Si users focus on collecting concrete information from the past and present to then decide what course of action to think and extraverted thinkers organize reality for efficiency.
 
0

011235813

Guest
In terms of emotions, probably NFs. An INFP's Fi enables them to empathize with and understand what lies inside a person, identifying what lies beneath one's body language and actions and searching for authenticity, both in others and self, whilst an ENFJ tries to identify the mood of the group to then idenitfy what the whole truly needs need via their introverted intuition (this also could be true for ESFJs, but with auxilary usgae of Si).

INFJ and ENFP, although tend to focus more on disclosing patterns and underlying meanings to conventional perception, INFJ living primarily through creating their own sense of reality they constantly reconstruct and modify to then just "know" the answers to moral questions beneath all the mist, and ENFP focusing on external patterns and changes to they relate to others in theirselves.

However, I do think other types can be quite adept for this as well, as ISFP could identify people's hidden motives and relate to what they haven't expressed based on what they display externally, same being said for most Se users. NTs generally seem to focus more on logical truths and underlying symbols in rationality, nonetheless, while Si users focus on collecting concrete information from the past and present to then decide what course of action to think and extraverted thinkers organize reality for efficiency.

INFP $0.02 ALERT

I don't believe it's not Fi exclusively. Fi makes it easier for me to sympathise with people but not necessarily easier for me to read them, primarily because it's so intensely inward-oriented. If anything, my Ne helps me do that better because it's actually interested in other people. By itself, does it furnish results consistently? Usually not, because using Ne alone is like wielding a paintball gun just for the sake of shooting indiscriminately and flailing with joy at the pretty colours. Sure, you might hit some stuff, but in the heat of the moment, you probably won't take care to notice it.

When tempered by Fi (because Fi is telling me that something is worth further investigation), Ne becomes a little more reliable because at that point, I'm more interested in separating the wheat from the chaff rather than just jumping into the heap of grain and going "WHEE!" So I'll sit down, suss out a few different possibilities, and then get down to sifting the good data from the bad data according to internal Fi monitor, think, process, think ... VOILA! I HAS READING. Took me long enough.
 

Meek

New member
Joined
Apr 26, 2011
Messages
288
MBTI Type
Infp
Enneagram
4w5
I used to have this narrow minded notion that all S types sucked at listening but that isn't true. I love opening up to Istjs but it does really depend on the individual and not the type. There are some Istjs who are assholes and reject my feelings immediately.
 

Stanton Moore

morose bourgeoisie
Joined
Mar 4, 2009
Messages
3,900
MBTI Type
INFP
I know an INFJ who can just see right through people. Also an ESFJ who could that too at times, but she notices different things than I would...
I have developed an ability to see into people, but it wasn't something I was born with. It took soul-searching after a traumatic event that set me on a more intuitive course. I became more aware of patterns in myself, so it becamse easier to see them in others.

I believe that intuition is a skill and that anyone can develop it.
 

Desperado44

New member
Joined
Jun 14, 2008
Messages
471
MBTI Type
ENFJ
I have to say ENFJ

I consider it one of my greatest gifts in life....
 

Sizzling Berry

New member
Joined
Apr 5, 2009
Messages
185
MBTI Type
INFP
I have to say ENFJ

I consider it one of my greatest gifts in life....

I have an ENFJ friend. She's a natural at reading people's potential to collaborate and how to best approach them (the second one is super good) :).

However, I think ENFJs see potential for contact even if chances are very small - and that's the limitation of their reading skills. Or maybe I'm wrong observing it from outside? Maybe you have a warning about danger of a person being a leech, but you still have an urge to get in contact? Sometimes, you seem to nourish a leech for a very long time.
 

skylights

i love
Joined
Jul 6, 2010
Messages
7,756
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
Sometimes, you seem to nourish a leech for a very long time.

indeed. i've watched an ENFJ friend of mine decide to take someone under her wing and help them and help them, while they didn't change or improve. at least, they didn't improve without her. like, they were improving, but only because she was supporting them. but they'd revert as soon as she was away. i think she did it in part for those people because she found them interesting, but it often annoyed me when she'd cancel plans to run off and help her chosen ones because they'd made yet another bad decision.

i asked her one day why she prioritized them over her other friends, and she said, because they need someone's help. it's not that i like them more, it's that you can take care of yourself just fine, while they are struggling. that was very interesting to me... i don't think that way. i gained new respect for her from then on. still, she does have trouble letting go. she has lots of secret "pet" people, lol...
 

Speed Gavroche

Whisky Old & Women Young
Joined
Oct 20, 2008
Messages
5,152
MBTI Type
EsTP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
ENTP. Clearly. The Ne-Ti-Fe process is particulary efficient as reading people and analyse them without value judgement. Next I'd say ESTP and ENFJ. Other NF read too muck what they hope to read in people.
 
Top