[MBTI General] How to please you as an ISTJ

[istj86]

Specially i need of ENFP women, how can i please you?

I would say my worst point is not being really talkative, and not sure if i can greatly improve that, i cant just speak whatever """nonsense""" comes into my mind, i mean i can follow a conversation perfectly but most of the times cannot start one, im bad breaking the ice. Generally speaking as long as theres no trouble and we are good i dont have a need to talk.

I love cuddling and caring, i can be spontaneous and i like to fill my spare time with leisure activities (going to the beach, camping, sports...)

I have never argued with the ENFP girl im meeting (<--- lol that smiley icon is just perfect) but i feel like we havent connected 100% yet, its going well i guess but i know i need more "brightness" to outstand. I rarely say her "no" which is something that ENFPs hate (if im well informed)

Any help appreciated, ive been googling about this but didnt find much help... so just posted here to ask

 

[21%]

I'm not ENFP, but I can say one thing for the Fi-folks:

Be accepting. Never judge ENFPs by normal social standards. Make sure your girl knows you will be there even when she goes 'crazy' sometimes

 

[Thalassa]

Actually if I were you I'd challenge her a bit, but without trying to restrain her or putting her down. I think she could probably get bored if you're too agreeable. This is my experience of myself.

My favorite ISTJ shows me new songs I've never heard, sends me cute kitten pictures, and has tapped into his Ne enough to act silly.

It's much easier for him to be "talkative" in text/chat though, and when he's been drinking.

Often ExFPs are quite happy to talk at you, so if you listen well and occasionally respond appropriately with something intelligent or at least interesting or challenging, there's no need to be a chatter box.

I can say to you though I find some ISTJs dreadfully boring, and the one I like so much I like because he's an individual. Not all ENFPs and ISTJs are gonna match up, nor all ESFPs and ISTJs, nor all ENFPs and INTJs.

I don't necessarily believe the matchy-matchy theories.

 

[21%]

Actually if I were you I'd challenge her a bit, but without trying to restrain her or putting her down. I think she could probably get bored if you're too agreeable. This is my experience of myself.

...

I can say to you though I find some ISTJs dreadfully boring, and the one I like so much I like because he's an individual. Not all ENFPs and ISTJs are gonna match up, nor all ESFPs and ISTJs, nor all ENFPs and INTJs.

Good point. My ENFP friend is also easily bored, and says "normal guys" can't "handle" her.

ISTJs can sometimes be a bit 'judgy' and too socially conforming (and thus boring). Be confident, be yourself, but don't try to 'reform' the ENFP to your standards.

And, have LOADS of fun

 

[CzeCze]

I think if you're doing good so far then don't worry about it and relax. Honestly, that is the best thing you can do for yourself in this situation as an ISTJ

I was gonna write more, but seriously, I think you shuold just keep being yourself and relax and enjoy yourself as much as you can. Stay loose but don't try too hard or worry if you're 'fun' and 'zany' enough for her. You don't need to be off the wall, just authentic, accepting, and yourself. If she wanted someone 'zany' and 'off the wall' she'd be dating the ENTP with the faux hawk or the ESTP motocross racer...or some other stereotype of a type that's 'zany' and 'off the wall'.

So that's the best advice for you this point

Keep us in the loop!

 

[InvisibleJim]

To please an ISTJ: Have a clean and tidy house; think things through when you talk about things to put them at ease. They aren't horribly communicative but they find a lot of value in a well honed environment. The males tend to tolerate playful females much more than the reverse as is common with respect to the thinking dichotomy.

To please and ENFP female: Do roughly the same, Have a clean and tidy house, be orderly, just like any other humans they like that; think things through when you talk about things to put them at ease because they like having someone to think about things in depth while they dally around the issues. However, I'd be most careful before letting one across your doorstep. Females tend to like thinker type gentlemen for accompaniment if they are looking for a source of calm in their lives.

Don't make the mistake of trying to be 'more dramatic' to please an ENFP; however watch out for the NF attempting to don your shoes to get closer: make it clear that you don't want a clone, you prefer an individual!

That is all.

 

[Lady_X]

don't change yourself to please anyone because you'll never be able to sustain it..just be yourself...say no if you want to or agree if you do and if you think you like her don't try to change her either.

 

[Lily flower]

I know you want to have a great relationship with this person, but I kind of think it would be better if you found someone who naturally finds you amazing. Then you don't have to work so hard at being someone that you are not.

 

[Amargith]

To me, the greatest gift of love anyone can give me is a genuine and continued interest in who I am and a genuine effort in understanding how I work. I'll gladly and almost naturally match your effort, which will generate the intimacy I crave. Aside from that, I need a lot of physical touch (my primary lovelanguage), cuddles, touching. Unwinding together by being silly is also very much quality time to me. I know it's cliche, but a good wrestling match in bed or a pillow fight combines the best of both worlds.

Expect me to not be able to resist teasing and prodding you when you've got that stern face with strong chin going..I just *have* to see if I can make you grin as much as you try to resist it.

Other than that, be yourself. Plz plz plz, be yourself. Be your calm, contemplative, confident self, but don't feel like you have to keep it all in. I love a calm confident man who trusts me enough to let me see his vulnerable, not so confident moments as well and allows me to support him in that. I'm not made of glass, I won't break if you share your worries with me, nor will I recoil. I'm not here just for the fun. I'm here to share a life with you. So share, all of it

That includes communicating things that may hurt my feelings and taking the brunt of my reaction when I'm not exactly enjoying what you're saying. I'll do the same. I consider that emotional transparency/honesty. Rest assured, I'll still love you and be there when the dust settles. It's how we grow as a couple and decide what life we want to carve out for ourselves.

Lie to me, shut me out of your life, and lose me.