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  1. #1
    Senior Member Santosha's Avatar
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    Default What makes INFP's feel better?

    When INFP's are depressed, not personality disorder or chemical balances, just kinda depressed with life.. what are things that make them feel better? What has helped you out of this rutt, or made you feel better?

    I have an INFP friend that has been a bit sad, for like a few years now. He laughs about it sometimes.. as if its just his lot in life..and it breaks my heart. I want to help him. No not save him or fix him, I know better.. but just find a way to maybe break through and offer some relief. Thing is, I recognize that ENFP's might act a bit differently when really sad than an INFP. FOr me, I tend to distract myself with surface goodies. I know its shallow and silly, but it works.

    But I don't know if getting him to come out of his cave to do things will be helpful or seen as a drain. I don't know if getting him to talk more about it, and try to inspire him to shift perspectives will be seen as meddlesome or intrusive. He admitted to me that he has opened up and confided in me more than many close friends and family that are already very supportive, and I'm sure this is because NFP's can relate so well.

    Advice is very much appreciated. Speculation is okay.. but I really want to know.. what has worked for you?
    Man suffers only because he takes seriously what the gods made for fun - Watts

  2. #2
    Senior Member Eckhart's Avatar
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    I think it is already good that he has a good friend like you who he can open up with and who bothers enough to help him out a bit. I would imagine that would make things for him already much easier than without.

    I don't know if there is much you can do on a direct way. It might very well be that if you try to talk about it with him that he might feel awkward and unwilling to speak about it, but if he has really built up much trust to you and you could maybe give some additional reassurances, maybe it could work, otherwise he will probably try to avoid the topic or talk it down. If that happens you shouldn't press on it though, that would make him feel very uncomfortable and less likely to open up, but rather change the topic. Someone once wrote here in this forum that they might even get back to the topic later again from themselves; while I wouldn't count on it, I think it is best to not pressure on it either way.

    Otherwise you can just be there for him indirectly. Just spend some more time with him, and show him that he can talk to you about anything. That is all I could think of now.


    PS: That is mostly how I could imagine myself in that situation. I cannot speak of real experience because I didn't have a good, close friend who I could talk about my issues with really.

  3. #3
    Senior Member SRT's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Huxley3112 View Post
    When INFP's are depressed, not personality disorder or chemical balances, just kinda depressed with life.. what are things that make them feel better? What has helped you out of this rutt, or made you feel better?

    I have an INFP friend that has been a bit sad, for like a few years now. He laughs about it sometimes.. as if its just his lot in life..and it breaks my heart. I want to help him. No not save him or fix him, I know better.. but just find a way to maybe break through and offer some relief. Thing is, I recognize that ENFP's might act a bit differently when really sad than an INFP. FOr me, I tend to distract myself with surface goodies. I know its shallow and silly, but it works.

    But I don't know if getting him to come out of his cave to do things will be helpful or seen as a drain. I don't know if getting him to talk more about it, and try to inspire him to shift perspectives will be seen as meddlesome or intrusive. He admitted to me that he has opened up and confided in me more than many close friends and family that are already very supportive, and I'm sure this is because NFP's can relate so well.

    Advice is very much appreciated. Speculation is okay.. but I really want to know.. what has worked for you?
    Doing this, more or less. Hmm, how do I put it..? Forgetting about the bigger issues by engaging in smaller scale activities, or things that are kinda repetitive and mind-numbing. I'll think of more when I can, but doing these type of things act as a release valve for me when I get too stressed on a day-to-day basis. For the bigger depression, well, small victories are paramount, so it seems to help, but sometimes its more escapism than a viable means of treatment.

    I don't know what you can do to help him other than what you're already doing. Sorry
    Everything that I express is simply an opinion with varying levels of support

    If I seem like a different type to you, I hereby give you permission to type me however you want.

  4. #4
    You have a choice! 21%'s Avatar
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    The only way to cure depression is, I think, to have big changes in your life conditions (by that I mean improvements), and this requires a lot of Te and willpower, or faith. A lot of INFPs find real life problems overwhelming and tend to withdraw -- Te stresses them out, so does planning, and real action. While I know it's not helpful at all to say "pull yourself together", I think it would be helpful if you could help point him in the right direction and give him constant encouragement along the way. I think INFPs appreciate gentle nudges to help get them going

    From what you say, you're already doing a good job. He's lucky to have a friend like you!
    4w5 sp/sx EII

  5. #5
    Senior Member sciski's Avatar
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    In terms of offering some relief, do you know anybody with some spare golden retriever puppies you could borrow?

    [YOUTUBE="tAchiUjdBJw"]Puppy therapy![/YOUTUBE]

    I think you're already being a great friend if he feels he can tell you more than he can tell those who already support him.

    Another slightly random thought... is it possible that he is quite happy being sad? (In case he has melancholy, not depression.) Does he get insights from being sad?

  6. #6
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    Getting that drank on, speculating existence with other so/sp 5s. Listening to an entp on an unreal streak.

    Last one cures anything.

    thinking of you

  7. #7
    Senior Member BAJ's Avatar
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    /examines thread for cure.

    I have issues.

    I want to see. I can tell some philosphical/ mystical ideas. However, I think I need a friend like you.

  8. #8
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    I used to be like that. I think it's the curse of an INFP in their 20's . Life is so hard!!! /says with mock angst.

    What "cured" me:
    • Cognitive behavior therapy
    • Taking quality time out for myself (ie, staying single for a couple of years and working on areas that I need/want improvement in)
    • Learning to express myself more instead of keeping it bottled up inside
    • Writing/painting/art/being creative
    • Making exercise a priority
    • Getting out into nature
    • Planning vacations, goals, something positive to look forward into the future


    Now when I have down days, I pull from these resources to find a "solution". Some days what I need to do is go hang out with a friend, or I need to spend time alone. Last week was super crappy for me. I was run down, feeling sad, and overall just BLECH. I ended up carving out almost the full weekend for myself. I informed a couple of friends and family what I was doing, then I turned my cell phone off. I went biking, did some sewing, read books, watched the IT Crowd, sang along to music, ate fun food, and slept a lot. Come Monday I felt 100% better.

    So not saying that this is a "one size fits all" solution, but perhaps it can give you something to springboard off of with your friend.

    With myself as an INFP what I discovered the most in my life journey is that any changes I make have to come from within myself. For example, I dated an INTJ for almost 5 years and he spent most of that time trying to make me into an INTJ. Years later I have actually implemented some of the ideas he had, but I couldn't do it until it was my own plan and idea.

    Overall just be there for him as you are able to yourself. there is something magical about having another NF friend to talk to, especially an NFP one. My mom was an ENFP and I really miss that kind of super NFP connection we had because I hardly had to explain myself at all!

    P.s. I just realized some stuff that other people can do for me that helps!

    • Be a listening ear
    • Let me just hang out with them doing normal low key things
    • Bring me flowers
    • Write me something special and nice that they have noticed about me
    • Give me a new perspective on whats going on in my life, ie find the silver clouds among the stormy linings.

  9. #9
    Senior Member FunnyDigestion's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Huxley3112 View Post
    When INFP's are depressed, not personality disorder or chemical balances, just kinda depressed with life.. what are things that make them feel better? What has helped you out of this rutt, or made you feel better?

    I have an INFP friend that has been a bit sad, for like a few years now. He laughs about it sometimes.. as if its just his lot in life..and it breaks my heart. I want to help him. No not save him or fix him, I know better.. but just find a way to maybe break through and offer some relief. Thing is, I recognize that ENFP's might act a bit differently when really sad than an INFP. FOr me, I tend to distract myself with surface goodies. I know its shallow and silly, but it works.

    But I don't know if getting him to come out of his cave to do things will be helpful or seen as a drain. I don't know if getting him to talk more about it, and try to inspire him to shift perspectives will be seen as meddlesome or intrusive. He admitted to me that he has opened up and confided in me more than many close friends and family that are already very supportive, and I'm sure this is because NFP's can relate so well.

    Advice is very much appreciated. Speculation is okay.. but I really want to know.. what has worked for you?
    This may sound weird but... I think when someone is in a years-long rut like that (if that's what you think it is), feeling low & down for a long period of time, it will take a deep, life-stirring experience to wake them up.. something that jars them on an unignorable emotional level... & you really can't help to bring that about in any way other than maybe point them in a direction where they might have that experience. An example of this, which the common person might be familiar with is what happens sometimes with Alcoholics Anonymous in the US, someone will go in at an absolute low & something about the program, or the people in the meetings will stir them to life again, & it could be something that could seem like a very simple thing to a passing observer, but to someone within, feeling the pain from inside it could mean life-or-death.

  10. #10
    Senior Member INTPness's Avatar
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    What makes INFP's feel better?
    NTJ's are the only types that have ever made me feel emo.
    ENP's are the only types that have ever made me feel like a sensor.


    There are two great days in a person's life - the day we are born and the day we discover why. --William Barclay

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