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  1. #1
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Default INFPs & attracting broken people....& then not anymore

    I know this has been discussed before....but so has everything else :P .

    INFPs (and other NFs, why not!), do you find you attract broken/unstable people?

    I've always attracted the (bad) weirdos, the underdogs, the rejects, aaaand the broken people. The thing is, I generally don't appear approachable or friendly (although I am), yet some signal must be going out that I'm empathetic & understanding, and not turned off by awkwardness or strangeness. I also give the benefit of the doubt and can "over-empathize" or exercise what I call "misplaces sympathy". Sometimes this means allowing someone in my life that I should've rejected from the get-go. It's not always pity, but willingness to put up with a lot of crap from someone if I determine something else that's valuable about them (boy does this apply to sooo many INTXs I've known).

    However, I find this less common now in recent years, and maybe it's a sign that I am more stable. Maybe I'm not giving out "I'll endure your creepiness" vibes.

    Anyone else go from attracting these types to simply not?

    It's not even that I weed them out now, but I don't even seem to attract them as much. Obviously, this is good, but it's also struck me as odd.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  2. #2
    Charting a course
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    I haven't attracted them in years now. Not like I did when I was younger.


    Maturity and experience(hard experience) make it easier to discern real damage from manipulators. And give you a better idea whether you should even try, or just ignore.

  3. #3
    Seriously Delirious Udog's Avatar
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    I think that broken people are constantly trying to find people that will soothe them, either by listening, feeling sorry for them, or simply giving them attention. They don't discriminate who they approach... they just approach. What I think happens is that perhaps INFPs tend to give them that attention, for a variety of reasons, so they "stick" to us. If we aren't careful, after some time we accumulate them.

    I haven't attracted any new broken people in awhile, although I have to admit there are a couple in my life that I likely need to rid myself of.

    I guess one difference is that I no longer feel responsible for the well being of strangers. Also, I've come to respect my time and energy enough that once I recognize someone as only taking from me, I no longer feel guilty for walking away.

  4. #4
    Lungs & Lips Locked Unkindloving's Avatar
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    This is interesting to me, since I've tended to attract and/or be fond of broken INFPs in the past.
    Quote Originally Posted by Biaxident View Post
    I haven't attracted them in years now. Not like I did when I was younger.
    This is a sentiment that I find runs strong in INFP folks. They are the one type that I've always found to have a huge difference in personality and experience when age comes into play. Many a long discussion about this, especially regarding relationships.
    Hang on traveling woman - Don't sacrifice your plan
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  5. #5
    Senior Member FunnyDigestion's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    Anyone else go from attracting these types to simply not?
    No.... I still don't mind them. & I generally don't like to think of anyone as "broken" or a lost cause, even if they probably are. Since I'm aware that lots of "regular" people probably see me as a weirdo, I try to not be bothered when someone strikes me as 'a bit off'-- unless I start getting vibes that they're possibly a violent serial killer, which can happen.

    & lastly, there are some people who ARE lost causes who I nonetheless genuinely like being around (when I'm energized to do so)...

  6. #6
    lab rat extraordinaire CrystalViolet's Avatar
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    Yes, experience is a hard teacher.
    Currently submerged under an avalanche of books and paper work. I may come back up for air from time to time.
    Real life awaits and she is a demanding mistress.

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  7. #7
    Senior Member FunnyDigestion's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Udog View Post
    I think that broken people are constantly trying to find people that will soothe them, either by listening, feeling sorry for them, or simply giving them attention. They don't discriminate who they approach... they just approach. What I think happens is that perhaps INFPs tend to give them that attention, for a variety of reasons, so they "stick" to us. If we aren't careful, after some time we accumulate them.
    But don't you ever feel like that's an important societal function you serve though? (inasmuch as you ever think about things like "societal functions"...) I mean, I think IFs in general get dismissed sometimes as being aloof & unconcerned with other people's problems, when in reality we are concerned but don't have any social expression for it. So don't you feel sometimes like that's one valuable thing you can do, help the neglected, the disenfranchised, etc. that no one else wants to bother with?

    Of course there always have to be limits..

  8. #8
    Senior Member tkae.'s Avatar
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    Yeah, my first boyfriend was a broken people...

    I also learned during that time that I'm a broken people, and his capacity to care about my brokenness wasn't reciprocal to mine, so the relationship was extremely draining. Still is, actually. So I'll never get involved with a broken people ever again :blushing:

    I need to worry about my own broken ass instead of fixing everyone else
    "Not knowing how near the truth is, we seek it far away." -Ekaku Hakuin
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  9. #9
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Udog View Post
    I think that broken people are constantly trying to find people that will soothe them, either by listening, feeling sorry for them, or simply giving them attention. They don't discriminate who they approach... they just approach. What I think happens is that perhaps INFPs tend to give them that attention, for a variety of reasons, so they "stick" to us. If we aren't careful, after some time we accumulate them.
    IDK, I think they have radar going on (even if subconscious). I feel like I don't see them trying it with others so much.....

    I guess one difference is that I no longer feel responsible for the well being of strangers. Also, I've come to respect my time and energy enough that once I recognize someone as only taking from me, I no longer feel guilty for walking away.
    This is something I've slowly started to do, and possibly am good at now. I used to be pretty easy to guilt, even though my demeanor said "go away". I'd find myself cornered by some needy person, but not able to cut them off even though I owed them nothing.

    Quote Originally Posted by FunnyDigestion View Post
    No.... I still don't mind them. & I generally don't like to think of anyone as "broken" or a lost cause, even if they probably are. Since I'm aware that lots of "regular" people probably see me as a weirdo, I try to not be bothered when someone strikes me as 'a bit off'-- unless I start getting vibes that they're possibly a violent serial killer, which can happen.

    & lastly, there are some people who ARE lost causes who I nonetheless genuinely like being around (when I'm energized to do so)...
    I used to have that attitude also, well, I still do. I just don't attract these people. It's not that I write them off as hopeless or anything, I just don't encounter them as much.

    Come to think of it, I guess I do establish boundaries better. I have an ENFP friend who is mentally ill that I've dealt with pretty well. I've been there for her as a friend, but didn't feel sucked into something I didn't want to handle or couldn't handle.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  10. #10
    Senior Member FunnyDigestion's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    I used to have that attitude also, well, I still do. I just don't attract these people. It's not that I write them off as hopeless or anything, I just don't encounter them as much.
    You must live.. in the Land of Happy Shiny People!

    REM-roll:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCQ0vDAbF7s

    kidding but I think it has a lot to do with how you look, in terms of demeanor... I tend to smile at strangers pretty often, & I don't cage my eyes when walking around so I make eye contact a lot, & then suddenly someone's talking to me for 2 hours in a row...

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