[INFP] INFPs & attracting broken people....& then not anymore

[Seymour]

I was mulling this over, and I think the previous posters have definitely hit on various factors that play into the phenomena: INFPs being slow to set limits when young, not demanding reciprocity, not appearing confident, etc. I know when I was in my early to mid 20s, I tended to attract those with borderline personality disorder.

Still, I think there's another factor that involves the way young INFPs can feel isolated and look for a kind of resonate introspective emotional depth in other young people. While this can help one find other IxFxs, it can also select for those who have turned inwards towards emotional introspection because of trauma. Therefore, we may naturally gravitate towards the "broken" when young, because they may be more emotional aware than the healthy of some types.

Other types, when young, may only turn towards emotional introspection when in deep distress and forced to do so... I suspect that's one reason Fi gets such a bad rap—if the only time one is focused deeply on one's emotional state is when one is deep distress, of course it's going to be unpleasant.)

Plus, INFPs tend to cheer for the underdog, all else being equal. That quality also leaves us open to people on the fringes. While not pre-judging those who don't follow societal expectations can be a plus, it may also leave us more open to those who are emotional unhealthy.

 

[entropie]

Who has the right to claim he's unbroken ?

 

[wildcat]

I know this has been discussed before....but so has everything else .

INFPs (and other NFs, why not!), do you find you attract broken/unstable people?

I've always attracted the (bad) weirdos, the underdogs, the rejects, aaaand the broken people. The thing is, I generally don't appear approachable or friendly (although I am), yet some signal must be going out that I'm empathetic & understanding, and not turned off by awkwardness or strangeness. I also give the benefit of the doubt and can "over-empathize" or exercise what I call "misplaces sympathy". Sometimes this means allowing someone in my life that I should've rejected from the get-go. It's not always pity, but willingness to put up with a lot of crap from someone if I determine something else that's valuable about them (boy does this apply to sooo many INTXs I've known).

However, I find this less common now in recent years, and maybe it's a sign that I am more stable. Maybe I'm not giving out "I'll endure your creepiness" vibes.

Anyone else go from attracting these types to simply not?

It's not even that I weed them out now, but I don't even seem to attract them as much. Obviously, this is good, but it's also struck me as odd.

Many INTPs attract broken people.
It is about Fi and Ne.

 

[entropie]

Many INTPs attract broken people.
It is about Fi and Ne.

which would mean its a 100% about the infp and 50% about the xntp. You have no idea about egos

 

[NPcomplete]

Many INTPs attract broken people.

Sadly true. I have yet to learn how to put up the boundaries nicely because I feel horrible otherwise (not that I don't feel horrible after the drainage of my life-force).

 

[entropie]

maybe those broken people are only intrested in seeing you falling from that high horse

 

[MacGuffin]

Many INTPs attract broken people.
It is about Fi and Ne.

Perhaps, but then we ignore them to play video games.

 

[entropie]

ah you peeps crack me up

 

[Elfa]

I used to attract that kind of people, but I haven't done it for a long time!
(I don't know if the last year's guy was broken or something like that, so I'm not counting him...)

 

[wildcat]

Sadly true. I have yet to learn how to put up the boundaries nicely because I feel horrible otherwise (not that I don't feel horrible after the drainage of my life-force).

Yes, it is draining. The best thing is to set the boundary the nicest way possible. You feel the exhilaration of the returning life-force immediately. A great experience.

 

[wildcat]

Perhaps, but then we ignore them to play video games.

I even step out of the house.

 

[Biaxident]

Who has the right to claim he's unbroken ?

Me!

I used lots of super glue to fix the breaks... It's not pretty but it works.

 

[Sizzling Berry]

Me too!!!

But I used spit to fix it.

No wonder I'm losing parts.

 

[JivinJeffJones]

I attract people on the streets asking for stuff. Donations, subscriptions, cigarettes, a couple of bucksh to catch the bush home shir, signatures etc. I thought it was an eye-contact thing, but even when I'm wearing sunglasses and studiously avoiding looking in their direction they'll make a beeline for me in a crowded street. They're probably a bit broken. I do find broken people intriguing, but I'm careful not to get too close because they're high maintenance and rarely interested in being "fixed". Not that I'd know where to start.

Sometimes I find normal, healthy, well-adjusted people more fascinating. I talk to them for hours about their normal, healthy, well-adjusted lives with my skin crawling.

 

[StillWaters]

It's because we're good listeners and it takes a lot to make us judge someone harshly. We see the good, and the humanity, in most people.

 

[FunnyDigestion]

I attract people on the streets asking for stuff. Donations, subscriptions, cigarettes, a couple of bucksh to catch the bush home shir, signatures etc.

Signatures?? lol. like your autograph? never gotten that before.

 

[Nijntje]

I attract people on the streets asking for stuff. Donations, subscriptions, cigarettes, a couple of bucksh to catch the bush home shir, signatures etc. I thought it was an eye-contact thing, but even when I'm wearing sunglasses and studiously avoiding looking in their direction they'll make a beeline for me in a crowded street. They're probably a bit broken. I do find broken people intriguing, but I'm careful not to get too close because they're high maintenance and rarely interested in being "fixed". Not that I'd know where to start.

Sometimes I find normal, healthy, well-adjusted people more fascinating. I talk to them for hours about their normal, healthy, well-adjusted lives with my skin crawling.

Damn you Jones, I'm SURE I've read that first bit before. POST RECYCLER!!

No well adjusted lives for you? You INFP, you.

 

[entropie]

When reading this thread I always have to think of mass murderers leading a normal life. But sometimes you still wonder who the real psychotics are

 

[copperfish17]

When reading this thread I always have to think of mass murderers leading a normal life. But sometimes you still wonder who the real psychotics are

Ha. I feel ya.

Something about labeling people "broken" makes me cringe. A couple NFs I know constantly accuse people of being "broken." Out of curiosity, I checked many of 'em out - almost all of them turned out to be capable, functional people (with the exception of one or maybe two). I really wonder about NF standards of "brokenness," whatever that means - I think most people would agree certain degrees of insecurity and faults are to be expected from everyone. Sometimes one of those NFs would get hold of an otherwise healthy individual in a particularly bad spot, and proceed to label them "angsty," "perpetually depressed," "whiny" etc. Thanks to these NFs - THE worst judges of character I have ever come across IRL - I've learned not to trust what anyone tells me about a person before meeting him/her myself.

Well, that's just my experience. No judgment on NFs as a group, but I do think that I've made (a) valid point(s).

 

[Sizzling Berry]

Can you imagine a person who functions well intelectually and doesn't handle their emotions well?