User Tag List

First 6789 Last

Results 71 to 80 of 82

  1. #71
    jump sleuthiness's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    54 so/sp
    Socionics
    IEI Ni
    Posts
    1,860

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by JivinJeffJones View Post
    Sometimes I find normal, healthy, well-adjusted people more fascinating. I talk to them for hours about their normal, healthy, well-adjusted lives with my skin crawling.
    Seriously the best insight this thread will ever offer.

    thinking of you

  2. #72
    Away with the fairies Southern Kross's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    4w5 so/sp
    Posts
    2,912

    Default

    Hmmm, I do sometimes attract broken people and weirdos. I can't say its a dominant feature in my life and my ENFP friends seem to experience it more often. When it does happen it mostly stems from being too nice to tell them to leave me alone. Sadly for such people even mere civility towards them is considered extraordinarily kind and consequently they latch onto anything they can get. I used to work in a convenience store while at Uni and there was a rather broken and eccentric woman that came in regularly. Because I didn't verbally abuse her, laugh at her and was semi-patient with her (which was far more courtesy than others paid her ) she purposely started coming in on the days I worked and would stay for hours. The woman drove me frickin' crazy but I put up with her for years out of politeness and sympathy. She would often talk about how I was one her only friends and how seeing me was such a highlight of her day, which always left me feel terribly guilty. I wish I was actually a nice person rather a seemingly nice person.

    I must say I tend to gravitate towards abnormal people in general. Its almost like I find normality to be a threatening quality in a person, whereas I feel more safe and secure amongst my fellow weirdos.
    INFP 4w5 so/sp

    I've dreamt in my life dreams that have stayed with me ever after, and changed my ideas;
    they've gone through and through me, like wine through water, and altered the colour of my mind.

    - Emily Bronte

  3. #73
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    4w5 sp/sx
    Socionics
    IEI Ni
    Posts
    7,661

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
    And they just never stopped talking. And they fixed nothing about the problems in their lives. So I had to learn, that my way of problem-solving was very different than theirs - if I talk something out, I can talk out a solution. For them not so much.
    Right, I think that's part of the issue. I think I saw listening to these people as the first step in a process to making changes or overcoming their feelings or whatever. That's how it works for me also, and as Seymour suggests, IxFx types in general, which is why we might mistake these people for "like-minded" individuals. Then we realize it's entirely different for them......

    Quote Originally Posted by Seymour View Post
    look for a kind of resonate introspective emotional depth in other young people. While this can help one find other IxFxs, it can also select for those who have turned inwards towards emotional introspection because of trauma.
    I think there is a mistaking of this emotional focus of theirs with emotional depth also. I notice now I do attract more people with emotional depth, as opposed to "broken" people, and many are definitely IxFx types.

    Oh, and for those who take offense at the word "broken", it's just a vague term to refer to people who don't function in life for emotional reasons. It's not a dismissal of anyone with problems, who is going through a rough spot in life, or who has been through trauma. I don't go around calling people broken IRL either, nor do I try to "fix" anyone. Don't read so much into it, basically.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sizzling Berry View Post
    One other thing worked for me.

    Understanding that being shy/ not receiving enough positive feedback from others does not identify me with "the miserable". It's a problem to solve like any other.

    Having that problem doesn't make me similar to every broken person there is. Like being a woman doesn't make me like every woman in the world. It doesn't make me a part of a special club/ brand of people (and my thinking sometimes went that way).
    I think this is along the same lines as the idea of mistakingly identifying yourself with someone "broken" because you share some willingness to explore emotional matters. You realize that being shy & emotionally introspective is not what these people are. In a good way, it helps you see you're not broken yourself, that you're actually very capable/functional. (Using "you" in the general sense).
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  4. #74
    Senor Membrane
    Join Date
    May 2008
    MBTI
    INFP
    Posts
    3,190

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Seymour View Post
    I was mulling this over, and I think the previous posters have definitely hit on various factors that play into the phenomena: INFPs being slow to set limits when young, not demanding reciprocity, not appearing confident, etc. I know when I was in my early to mid 20s, I tended to attract those with borderline personality disorder.

    Still, I think there's another factor that involves the way young INFPs can feel isolated and look for a kind of resonate introspective emotional depth in other young people. While this can help one find other IxFxs, it can also select for those who have turned inwards towards emotional introspection because of trauma. Therefore, we may naturally gravitate towards the "broken" when young, because they may be more emotional aware than the healthy of some types.

    Other types, when young, may only turn towards emotional introspection when in deep distress and forced to do so... I suspect that's one reason Fi gets such a bad rap—if the only time one is focused deeply on one's emotional state is when one is deep distress, of course it's going to be unpleasant.)

    Plus, INFPs tend to cheer for the underdog, all else being equal. That quality also leaves us open to people on the fringes. While not pre-judging those who don't follow societal expectations can be a plus, it may also leave us more open to those who are emotional unhealthy.
    ^ Good stuff. Makes sense.

    Quote Originally Posted by copperfish17 View Post
    A couple NFs I know constantly accuse people of being "broken." Out of curiosity, I checked many of 'em out - almost all of them turned out to be capable, functional people (with the exception of one or maybe two). I really wonder about NF standards of "brokenness," whatever that means - I think most people would agree certain degrees of insecurity and faults are to be expected from everyone. Sometimes one of those NFs would get hold of an otherwise healthy individual in a particularly bad spot, and proceed to label them "angsty," "perpetually depressed," "whiny" etc. Thanks to these NFs - THE worst judges of character I have ever come across IRL - I've learned not to trust what anyone tells me about a person before meeting him/her myself.
    Yeah, you shouldn't. Personally, I've taken the whole fixin myself business maybe too far when younger, and you know how it is... like home renovation. You start up by fixing the roof, but now that it is so damn shiny you need new paint on the wall and the next thing you know you are fixing the neighbor's garage. Small imperfections that some would call characteristics are seen as flaws.

  5. #75
    Senior Member Little_Sticks's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Posts
    1,370

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    I've always attracted the (bad) weirdos, the underdogs, the rejects, aaaand the broken people. The thing is, I generally don't appear approachable or friendly (although I am), yet some signal must be going out that I'm empathetic & understanding, and not turned off by awkwardness or strangeness. I also give the benefit of the doubt and can "over-empathize" or exercise what I call "misplaces sympathy". Sometimes this means allowing someone in my life that I should've rejected from the get-go.
    I KNEW YOU WOULD BETRAY ME. FINE THEN GO!!!!

    Haha, I can still influence you through the internet.

  6. #76
    Senior Member Desperado44's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    MBTI
    ENFJ
    Posts
    471

    Default

    Experience helps you to get over this dynamic.....but YES......I've definitely done it with women. Many times. However, as I've gotten older, I've gotten wiser. I have an easier time walking away..... but it can still be tough.

    Remember, NF's are addicted to romance. We romanticize everything....including rescuing the underdog, the girl that needs you, ...white knight syndrome is always a danger... because we love romance (read page 142 of Please Understand Me by David Keirsey)
    I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. --- Maya Angelou

  7. #77
    Senior Member Hinastarr's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    MBTI
    INFP
    Socionics
    IEI
    Posts
    116

    Default

    Come to think of it, I've sort of been a magnet for more "eccentric" people myself. Most of the few friends and acquaintances I've had in the past have been considered a "weirdo" of some sort by others, and one of them went so far as to developing a crush on me as well... On the same boat, however, I've always felt a bit estranged around people who would be perceived as being more popular or sociable, and part of me feels that maybe part of the reason I've attracted so many "broken" souls to begin with is because I seem like one to an extent. I don't usually mind interacting with outcasts, however, and try to provide empathy and an open ear to these types of people as often as possible, although I'm generally more of a loner and try to go with the flow of things, anyway.

  8. #78
    Senior Member Meek's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    MBTI
    Infp
    Enneagram
    4w5
    Posts
    290

    Default

    I have always attracted guys who want sex, but tell me they're so lonely in a certain way that makes me want to rescue and heal them.

    The only way I have discerned this if I am too involved is by using tact and it works every time. I tell them "You can trust me. I'm not like the rest of society. I get you and your weirdness attracts me. Promise" (although weirdness is great to me, I can still guess if someone is faking it) and they spew.

    One guy told me he was a virgin to try and suck me in and then later told me he had a fuck buddy, lol. I seem very innocent and weak to a lot of people
    who want to hurt me. My boyfriend's dad would always drool over women's asses in front of me and even bluntly tell me about it and assumed I didn't give a shit because I was quiet. I later asked him about it and he said "It's like a candy store, you look but you don't steal" and I agreed then asked him politely "Hey, does your fiance do the same thing?" and he got very quiet and never did that shit in front of me again.

    When I was younger, I would have just laughed it off and went along with it because I wanted people to know that I cared. I don't give a shit anymore. My well being is more important.
    I have no special talent. I am only passionately curious.-
    Albert Einstein

  9. #79
    Junior Member Razvan's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    9v8
    Posts
    28

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Meek View Post
    I have always attracted guys who want sex, but tell me they're so lonely in a certain way that makes me want to rescue and heal them.

    The only way I have discerned this if I am too involved is by using tact and it works every time. I tell them "You can trust me. I'm not like the rest of society. I get you and your weirdness attracts me. Promise" (although weirdness is great to me, I can still guess if someone is faking it) and they spew.

    One guy told me he was a virgin to try and suck me in and then later told me he had a fuck buddy, lol. I seem very innocent and weak to a lot of people
    who want to hurt me. My boyfriend's dad would always drool over women's asses in front of me and even bluntly tell me about it and assumed I didn't give a shit because I was quiet. I later asked him about it and he said "It's like a candy store, you look but you don't steal" and I agreed then asked him politely "Hey, does your fiance do the same thing?" and he got very quiet and never did that shit in front of me again.

    When I was younger, I would have just laughed it off and went along with it because I wanted people to know that I cared. I don't give a shit anymore. My well being is more important.
    I can relate to a lot of things you have said, except maybe for the part of attracting people just for sex. I generally look too nice in other people's eyes to be seen as a sex partner, or maybe they do but they never tell.

    About the comments men do of women (asses and whatever) : I have this kind of friends too, they always they these things and I'm like yeah, whatever, so what...or if they piss me off, I say more like, you know, that women also has a soul besides her ass, or you know, attraction is more than just physical and so on. I think their sensors so I don't expect to behave like me, they can be good friends nevertheless and good people, but I rarely do comments like that and probably almost never when in a relationship (and even so, I'd say yeah, but my gf is better overall...I'd feel I'd need to compensate for that)

    Anyway, I have sort of this problem too...with attracting broken people. Part of it is my fault. I have no f***ing clue how to attract a healthy person. I am attracted like a magnet to people who need counseling or a friend to talk to or my help. I think most of my exes were either recuperating after past relationships or having issues. I would really love to know, how does an INFP attract a healthy person?

  10. #80
    Senior Member Meek's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    MBTI
    Infp
    Enneagram
    4w5
    Posts
    290

    Default

    Razvan- Long time no see.
    I believe for the infp, it is because that is one of our best strengths. When my shrink asked me; "What are your strengths?"
    I responded with "Being helpful with the emotions of others and listening" I forgot to add that it's usually 'broken' people. :x
    I have no special talent. I am only passionately curious.-
    Albert Einstein

Similar Threads

  1. [INFP] Question to INFP's, and capturing people with your eyes.
    By Tantive in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 21
    Last Post: 03-22-2013, 02:50 PM
  2. [NF] How do INFPs intuit things about people compared to INFJs and Vice Versa?
    By Glycerine in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 75
    Last Post: 07-29-2010, 08:50 AM
  3. [INFP] INFP: how can you start being decisive & not putting-off your life?
    By niki in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 29
    Last Post: 06-02-2010, 11:40 AM
  4. [INFP] INFPs attract unusual people?
    By Coeur in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 102
    Last Post: 02-18-2010, 07:35 PM
  5. [ENFP] Why am I nice to people who are not nice to me?
    By alcea rosea in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 50
    Last Post: 12-05-2008, 11:12 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO